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For those that do and have always fed to sleep

20 replies

HT85 · 29/07/2017 22:03

From the above - how long has it been until you've been able to leave a bottle refuser at home for an evening? My daughter is 6 months and flat out refuses a bottle. I managed to get her to take some milk from a cup and my husband and I went out one night but I had to leg it home after an hour as my daughter was beside herself and wouldn't sleep without the boob. She was fine the minute I fed her.

So, going out has been put on hold which I am fine with at the moment but I'm hearing some people haven't been able to get some time away for about 2.5 years!

My question is for those that have always fed to sleep, when did you find baby naturally went to sleep without the boob, with the guidance of something/someone else?

We bedshare which we're happy with and don't believe in sleep training (personal preference).

Thanks!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
HT85 · 29/07/2017 22:37

Anyone Grin

OP posts:
sosoverytired · 29/07/2017 22:46

Mine just turned two. She still nurses to sleep and through the night. So nope, no nights out here. (And she has refused bottle til last couple months but still has to be boobie to sleep )

sosoverytired · 29/07/2017 22:47

Though past week or so she is settling easier and staying asleep longer.

FATEdestiny · 29/07/2017 22:48

I didn't feed to sleep, but was required for all nights and wake ups for the first 12 months.

Firstly, for a one-off special night (say you needed to attend a wedding or something like that), baby would manage it would be very different to a normal night. Maybe whoever looks after baby ends up sitting watching tv while holding baby at 2am. Or goes for a 4am drive with baby in the carseat. But baby would soon catch up the following days, so it is doable even though baby wouldn't have a 'normal' night.

On a more regular basis, I guess priorities just change. My 'baby' (nearly 3 now) is our fourth so we have over a decade of parenting behind us. DH and I value sleep and responsibility-free time far more than a night out or alcohol. So we have our couple time through child-free lunchs and breakfasts when someone else takes the children. Or indeed just staying at home while children are with grandparents for the morning.

If you do want a night out, not leaving until hold is in bed makes like easier. Then being prepared to either let baby get up and have a different routine, or come home yourself, if baby can't be settled.

As for baby who is attachment parented settling a different way routinely for someone else, tgi s probably won't be to do with milk. It's the act of breastfeeding baby finds comforting, not the milk. So bottle/cup use is largely irrelevant to sleep, therefore no specific need to push for milk from anything other than the breast.

Comfort when you are not there would probably come in the form of a comforting action (one of my dc used to rub his fingers together, another liked to rub the hair at the back of his neck, for example) or special toy/blanket/object that baby may (or may not) bond with.

The very earliest that's likely to begin to establish is around 12 months, with fine motor skill developments. But it may not at all, so realistic expectations will be necessary.

What will probably come first for the attachment parent is baby sleeping through, before baby settles easily independantly. This therefore allows for nights out even though baby is not an independant sleeper, just you don't go out until after putting baby to bed, not before.

BroccoliOnTheFloor · 29/07/2017 22:49

How does going down for naps work?

My answer is it hasn't happened for me yet (11mo DS), but I'm starting to feel it is in the realm of possibility, as he goes down for naps without boob. He's still more agitated in the evening though so have not attempted skipping it.

I have gone out after putting DS to sleep though, leaving DH to do the patting and shushing routine if needed (it rarely is).

catsarenice · 29/07/2017 22:54

DS is 14 months and still feeds to sleep. I have been out twice during bedtime since he's been born and DP has been able to rock him to sleep. I have to rock him to sleep at nap time. My friends DS was the same but then at 15mths she put him in his cot awake and he just laid down and went to sleep and has done that for the last 3 months! He was waking 3/4 times per night too for boob but now sleeps through! My DS sleeps through (mostly) but definitely doesn't seem ready to self settle. My friend has given me hope though!!!

bigsmell · 29/07/2017 22:56

Always fed to sleep here. Da is 2 next month and still very attatched to boobs.
He was also a complete and utter bottle refuser. But, he managed fine with just morning and night time feeds from when I went back to work at 8.5 months.
From around his first birthday, I started working late 1 night a week and so dh did bedtime and it was totally fine. So nights and time out started back for me then. Dh set up a really good routine of everything we usually do + drink and stories. I think that has been important in it all working out.

I wish I knew then how well it would all work out. I spent so much time stressing about the bottle refusal.

CocoLoco87 · 29/07/2017 22:56

First night out with DH when DC was 9 months. Left kids with DM and DMIL. They had a buggy and walked the baby to sleep and left him in buggy in kitchen till we got back. I left at 6pm and literally fed him to the minute. Then we got home at 11:30pm but he didn't actually wake during transfer to cot so he didnt feed till early morning!

HT85 · 29/07/2017 22:57

Thanks all, really helpful. Definitely not bothered about regular nights out. This particular night was a concert, it was my favourite band who were splitting up (last ever gig) so was kinda a special night in that sense. I guess waiting until she goes to sleep earlier and sleeps longer is key.

If I'm honest I guess I am feeling a lot of pressure from others to go out more than anything, I think my husband is worrying about our relationship outside of parent life, but I think I just need to somehow manage his expectations. We have friends who all go out and have been since the babies were weeks old but they all take bottles and some are sleep trained so he doesn't get how it's different I suppose.

OP posts:
AprilShowers16 · 29/07/2017 23:01

I have always fed to sleep and DS is 1 but I still can't get him to sleep any other way. However my DH can get him to sleep just by rocking and cuddling, so although this doesn't mean we can go out together we can go out seperatly!

LittleBirdBlues · 29/07/2017 23:11

I loved feeding to sleep, but around 11 months I was really craving a night off (and out!), so I sympathise.

With both of mine, we worked on stopping the feeding to sleep pattern quite actively. I would feed DC for a long time, but not quite long enough for them to fall asleep. Then DH would take them and would cuddle them to sleep. We did a similar thing in the night.

Eventually, they were fine with either being fed to sleep by me, or being cuddled to sleep by dad.

My DH and I have yet to leave the kids overnight with anybody though, one of us has always been there and ours are now 3.5 and nearly 2. Like a PP said, we get our couples time in other ways. Evenings once the kids are asleep, for example. Or the odd weekend afternoon where a friend watches the kids for us.

Good luck, it sounds like you and DH need to have a chat about what is important to you both and how it can be achieved.

catsarenice · 29/07/2017 23:11

We went to a concert recently (together!) and we had to do a day of tricking DS. Made a bit of noise so he woke an hour earlier then did everything (nap, lunch, dinner, bath etc) an hour earlier so I could then put him to bed earlier in order to make the train and mil babysat. We got in at midnight and he was none the wiser and woke up at us usual time the following morning.

bigsmell · 29/07/2017 23:13

I had the same kind of pressure from others about going out. They all made me feel so boring!
Dh and I do make a bit of an effort to do nice things at home as we don't go out much. Watching a film, having some nice food or whatever you enjoy. You can have date night while the baby sleeps.

cece · 29/07/2017 23:15

Mine are older now but I used to go out after I had fed them to sleep. I would then get in about midnight - 1am and do a night feed.

HT85 · 29/07/2017 23:21

Thanks all, really helpful. He feels the same about parenting style as me, so I think it's just that we're both new parents and learning as we go. I think he was shocked she was so upset when we did go out, and it saddened him. I've been a bit of a chicken as he says we'll try again in a couple of months and I just nod so as not to have to discuss it Grin when he brings it up again I'll suggest all these fab things above such as daytime dates on the weekend (once she has more solids and less milk, currently BLW) and doing nice stuff once she is in bed. Thanks all! X

OP posts:
AreWeThereYet000 · 29/07/2017 23:28

My BF baby would not take bottles at all at first but we kept persisting and tried different brands and I made sure at least 2 feeds a day were attempted with a bottle... at 4 months she finally took it. She still goes to sleep on the boob and not on a bottle so we/person looking after her has to walk her around patting her bum to get her to sleep.

I don't know if it's true or not but I read babies can't process lots of different things at once so for example saying hush or humming while walking and patting their bum will make them sleep.

Ladylolly · 30/07/2017 19:16

We started to put our LO down early some people think we're crazy but it was bed at 6pm. He still goes down between 6/6:30 every night and he's 19m.
We'd always then go out after he was settled and just locally so we could pop back for an early wake if needed.
But the other ideas of baby free day dates sound like excellent ideas as I was always falling asleep in the cinema or in my food by 9:30 anyway. Still do!

Anatidae · 30/07/2017 19:19

18m.

He just got it at that point, so we weaned him and he slept through and has done so ever since, bar illness or random events.

We basically never go out anyway as we are expats with no family here.

TheMasterNotMargarita · 30/07/2017 19:27

Watching with interest for ithers experiences too. Kind of in the same boat.

teaandbiscuitsforme · 30/07/2017 19:48

I agree with daytime dates - so much less stressful! DH and I started going for lunch more when DD got to 9mo because I was back in work and was leaving her for 5 hour chunks for that so I knew she'd be ok!

My only night away from DD so far was the night DS was born. She was 21mo and I stopped feeding to sleep and DH has done bedtime since. I think we might try going out once DS is a bit older, maybe around 12mo.

My MIL constantly pesters is to babysit but we're just not interested. We're very happy and content with our choices at this stage. Don't feel like you're being bullied into something you're not comfortable with!

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