Attending to child at night time

[user1486246880]

Hello!
I'd really like to hear some mumsnetters views on the following.
I am a SAHM and my husband works full time. I've always borne the responsibility of attending to the children if they wake at night time.
When we had our third for example I even suggested my husband sleep in the spare room so he wasn't disturbed by the night feeds. Never asked for any help. He did occasionally help at weekend to give me a break.
Anyway long story short my youngest son is 18 months old and wakes at night occasionally sometimes once sometimes twice or three times and I go to him as I keep the monitor beside me. I don't rush in but if he's standing or upset I will go in and offer milk which usually settles him.

Anyway this week my husband got really cross about the monitor disturbing him. I'd been up at 1.30 and again at 2 and he was complaining about the monitor disturbing him. I didn't ask for his help or anything but he asked me to switch it off. He was quite annoyed about the disturbance.

I never mind about my son waking my but I felt upset about this reaction when I was just looking after him and then I just couldn't sleep and ended up going to the spare room where I felt I could relax.

Also I should add that one time I was breast feeding him in the Early days and put my lamp on at night. My husband was annoyed it was disturbing him and then switched it off.

If I was just sleeping I wouldnt care I don't ask for help.

What do you think - is this unreasonable behaviour? Also I should add at weekends I also have the monitor when mostly he falls asleep on the sofa!

It's hard work being a mum of 3 but so much harder when you feel you aren't fully supported.

I wouldn't use a monitor in the bedroom tbh as we just used it for when we were downstairs and the kids were upstairs. Maybe just leave the doors open instead rather than have the monitor

I also wouldn't give milk in the night at that age

Your h is an arse by the sounds of it. Giving him the massive benefit of the doubt, some people are just really grumpy if disturbed from sleep.

How is he the rest of the time? Guessing not great as you say you don't feel supported. Have you tried addressing the issue?

Your H is useless

But at 18 months dump the monitor and only go if he wails loud enough to wake you!

Yes I think I will switch it off. It's just habit but a bad one I think.
Hes alright but I feel like as I'm here it's just become my job to care for him and i don't get much of a break it's exhausting at times :(

You lost me at the idea of one parent never getting up in the night to attend to their children, and give the other parent a full night's sleep.

Our DS2 is younger (7mths) and sleeps right next door to us, both doors open, but I still have monitor on as I'm so shattered I often don't hear him otherwise! I'm used to the monitor and like it loud so I can hear everything but DH - who often sleeps in spare room to get better sleep - hates it if he does sleep in same room as me, finds the general breathing etc really annoying. He would never ask me to switch it off, though, but he'll just go and sleep elsewhere. I know what it is to be knackered and rely on the monitor to tell you if your son needs you but I agree with others (I have DS1 2.10 who we haven't had a monitor for for 2 years now) that your DS is old enough now to do away with the monitor. Maybe could you wean yourself off it by having it set very quiet for a few nights? Then move it outside your room etc?
As for milk for night wakings, I'm not qualified to comment. I do know he won't actually need the milk at his age, though. Can you give a sip of water instead? DS 2.10 still wakes up to twice a night on a bad night and we give him water to settle back down again.

If he doesn't like it here can bugger off to the spare room. I get it that sometimes it makes sense for the non-working parent to take the brunt (although doing absolutely nothing ever is really quite pathetic). But you're doing all the work here so if it bothers him he can solve that problem for his own self.

Like you, I have three DC, and I used to be a SAHM when they were little. My DH works long hours and I was breastfeeding so I did the lion's share of the night wakings (although I wouldn't say he never got up).

I completely agree with the final sentence of your OP - it's hard being a SAHM but much harder if you feel unsupported. My DH would not have made this comment and always made me feel that he appreciated how hard I was working.

Can you sit down with him for a calm chat? Tell him you don't mind getting rid of the monitor, but you're upset because he doesn't seem to understand how tired you are after x years of interrupted sleep. Think of ways that he could give you a break - maybe he could take all three DC swimming every Saturday morning or something like that to give you a break? Or agree to do one night of wakings every week?