What am I doing wrong?

[sunshineon]

Apologies for the long post! My DD is nearly 7 months old. She is BF on demand and has 3 BLW meals a day which she enjoys but plays with more than eats but does get enough. She started sleeping 7 hours from 2 and a half months old (with just one dreamfeed) to 4 months when she hit what I think is the 4 month sleep regression.

Ever since then she has just been a terrible sleeper. She has always been swaddled but I moved her to a Love to dream swaddle up sack when she started breaking out of her swaddle and waking herself up. She can roll from front to back but not the other way yet so always sleeps on her back when in her crib. I think the swaddle up is half the issue because I don't really think she's that comfortable in it but if I didn't put her in it she wouldn't go down on her own at all so it's a vicious cycle!!

She is in her own room but I have had to start sleeping on a bed in there with her otherwise I'm in and out of her room all night long. If I put her down at 7pm (after same routine of nappy change, pyjamas, having her lullaby and light toy on and bedtime book) sound asleep she will be awake again almost immediately, I then get her to sleep again then go downstairs. She will do probably a maximum of 2 hours then is back awake again. Most of the time she refuses another feed because she isn't hungry and is just waking for the sake of it it seems so I give her her dummy and settle her back and it starts again. 2 hours sometimes an hour later back awake.

Normally she ends up in bed with me where she sleeps slightly better (out of her swaddled sleep sack of course) otherwise I would get pretty much zero sleep holding her while she drops off then putting her in her crib all night, I'm going back to work in 3 weeks and even though it's only 3 and a half days I'm just going to be exhausted if I don't find a way of helping her sleep better. I won't do cry it out/sleep training as I don't believe in it so if there is anything else I can try/things I'm doing wrong?

Regarding the swaddle, a tightly tucked in blanket or sheet is a worth a try to wean off. Or change to use a flat swaddle - like a regular cot sheet or giant muslin. That way you can gradually loosen it and it also means baby can start of snug but as they wriggle around asleep it loosens. Baby gets more used to not being wrapped up then.

Regarding waking frequently, the primary reason for that is not going to sleep in the cot. Putting baby down already asleep is a really unhelpful thing to do for baby's sleep.

Babies, like adults, have brief 'environment checks' throughout the nights. It's a left over from caveman days when people needed to ensure they were safe from predictors even whilst asleep. So between sleep cycles there is a brief moment of semi-consciousness. In an adult that might involve turning over in bed, pulling duvet over/off you, glancing at the clock, then straight back to sleep.

Imagine you went to bed as normal and an hour later you went to roll over and realise that you are no longer in bed, you are now in the backseat of a car. You wouldn't go straight back to sleep then, you'd be wide awake pretty damn quick wondering wtf happened.

Same thing with baby. Go to sleep safe and snug in mummys arms, environment check and realises they are now alone, in the dark, in the cot. Hence fully waking up instead of just going back to sleep. Add into that baby can't roll over and shuffle around at these environment checks because of the swaddle.

So your answer will come from teaching baby to go from awake to asleep in the cot, not in your arms.

Separating feeding and sleeping (so do breastfeed feed at least 30 minutes before bedtime or naptime) will help this happen. And the dummy will be invaluable to allow comfort sucking to sleep in the cot.

Google for a mumsnet thread called 'what worked for us'. The OP has a great explanation for a gradual withdrawal method.