Nearly 9 month old waking every hour

[hopeful31yrs]

Have been trying to sort out my DS' sleep before going back to work on Monday. Never slept through although can sleep for 7/ 8 hr stretch (goes to bed at 6-7pm [established routine - bath, story, bottle, bed] and used to wake around 3am). Tried tweaking bedtimes so he sleeps longer in the morning but usually would require a feed and back to bed with him finally waking at 6am. We co slept until 8 months because of colic for the first 12 weeks and awful reflux which meant he screamed on and off from 2pm to 2am. It was pretty horrendous so this is relatively mundane but is going on for a while now.

Bought him new cot but still in our room and started sleep training. Started well - started self settling but he'd open his eyes and peek occasionally to make sure we were still there and then would turn over and go to sleep. Fine we thought - slowly withdraw from the room... didn't work. Have to stand close to the cot so he can keep an eye on us until he finally drops off. Not a problem as such as he dropped off quickly but then this descended into him flipping over and laughing at us, waking himself back up. It became an entertainment and if i didn't interact he starts "shouting" at me frustratingly.

Tried to leave the room - with the result being crying. Controlled crying worked for our DD but he gets so hysterical I could never do the same with him.

That's the first issue. The other issue is waking hourly now. He turns over in his sleep which wakes him up and then can't settle again. Dummy needs to go back in - he was requiring milk but that has stopped over the past week. He strains like he did with his reflux when it was undiagnosed.

For full disclosure- he's 91st centile for length and weight. Eats well during the day - is in nursery and well established. Eats 3 meals and snacks, drinks about 9oz at nursery and then has 9-12oz at home. He's happy and smiley, has learnt to crawl over the past 3 weeks, pull himself up and surf the furniture.

Is this just a developmental leap on top of his poor sleep or is there anything I could feasibly do for our sleep and sanity?

Apologies for the length of post - very grateful for any input!

Learning to crawl and pulling to standing usually result in sleep going to pieces. Babies are like spaniel puppies - they don't have an off switch. You might need to physically teach baby that in order to go to sleep he needs to be

• Still
• Quiet
• Calm

Then baby can relax and go to sleep. So therefore flipping and rolling, rocking on all-fours and standing up, these are not things to do in the cot.

So 1 month ago baby was co sleeping? I think going from co sleeping to expecting to be able to put baby down and leave, are hugely unrealistic expectations. I'd suggest you slow down a bit.

If you put your hand on baby's chest/back as they go to sleep, it helps because

• it encourages stillness
• it gives your reassuring presence
• the baby can feel your presence even with eyes closed.

Since closing eyes is a required part of going to sleep, it means baby can relax with eyes closed safe in the knowledge that he can feel you still there.

If he suspects you might just leave then it will stop him allowing himself to relax. He will think "as soon as I relax and couse my eyes, mummy will go". So he fights relaxing. He even isn't allowing his eyes to close properly, feeling te need to check you are there all the time.

If would start with standing by the cot, hand on chest right throygh until fully a
asleep then sneek out ninja style once asleep. If distressed try things like stroking cheek, tapping dummy, shushing, patting. But mostly stay with your hand laid quite firmly across baby's chest or back, so he can always feel you.

Then follow a process of gradual withdrawal. So if the above is your start point, aim towards:

• hand on chest until fully asleep, patting etc if distressed
• hand on chest until fully asleep, additional reassurance rarely needed. Just wait motionless with hand on chest until asleep.
• hand on chest until calm, quiet and still. Remove hand when calm but stay in exactly the same position, just without your hand on baby. The moment any signs on being unsettled put hand back. Withdraw when calm. Stay until asleep.
• hand on chest to settle. Remove hand and stand by cot until asleep. Hand back if unsettled, withdraw when calm. Wait until asleep
• hand on chest to settle, stand next to cot facing away from cot when calm. Turn back and put hand back if unsettled, withdraw when calm.
• hand on chest to settle, move away from cot when calm and wait by door. Return back to cot with firm hand on chest if in any way unsettled, withdraw when calm. Wait until asleep.
• into cot and tap mattress to get baby to lie down. Say Nan night. Wait by door until asleep.
• into cot standing, tap matresss to get baby to lie down. Leave but keep door open and stay upstairs.back in room is unsettled, hand on chest, withdraw back out when calm. Baby needs to trust you'll go back if he needs you, so may test you will come.
• into cot standing. Say nan night, leave. Close door once asleep.
• into cot, say nan night, leave, close door and listen outside. Any calls, straight back in. Settle with hand on chest then withdraw and close door. Develop the trust that you will always go back when called and he'll stop needing to call you, safe in the knowledge that you are there if needed.
• into cot, say nan night, leave, close door. Done.

Easy peasy

This sounds like your story. I'm sure there are things got can do to makes it a bit better, but its pretty normal.

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Thank you so much! That makes so much sense and you've given me hope that we can sort it out. Thank you for your time and for posting.

I was wondering whether the dummy had a part to play but it seems he's got more than that going on.

Xx

Just to reply. Have been doing this for a few days. Haven't moved on from the hand on the back but the playing at bedtime has stopped. Bedtime is a calmer affair with no crying now - he's more confident to turn over and go to sleep. He wakes still at the moment (started with croup yest so coughing) but has on occasion actually rolled over and self settled a few times. Going to keep going with this until he's more settled and then start withdrawing contact/withdrawal from room.

Thank you again x