So tired

[Letsgetreadytorumbleagain]

I just don't know what to do

My 20 week old is sleeping worse than ever. 30 min naps (unless on me) during the day 90min to 2 hour awake time between.

Will not self settle at night - she screams - used to be ok. Either feeds to sleep or needs to be rocked. Does a 3 to 4 hour stint and is then waking every hour or so

I'm so tired I'm getting ratty with my older DC and I just seem to spend all my time trying and failing to get her to sleep properly!

Anyone else dealing with this - I feel really alone, all my friends babies sleep well.

My older DC was exactly the same and it's taken years for him to sleep properly. I feel like such a failure

The 30 minute naps are nothing to worry about. I'd go more for 90m awake time (given your broken nights), but that sounds all good too.

I'd there a problem with your daytime naps? Because that sounds ok so far. I'd do naps in the bouncer on living room floor, it makes life easier dealing with older siblings while simultaneously getting baby to sleep.

Night time, expecting self settling is just unrealistic expectations I think but the very frequent wakes are not 'normal' in the long term. The problem is probably the settling method you are using.

How about a dummy?

You could take one side off the cot, wedge it up to your bed and cuddle around baby in the cot, reinserting dummy as needed. It allows for comfort sucking and your reassuring presence, but allows baby to learn to go to sleep independantly in the cot.

Thanks @FATEdestiny she does have a dummy and is fairly happy with it in the day for naps, but at night she will not have it moves her head furiously whilst I try to put it in and if I do get it in she take a couple of sucks and then seems to spit it out, even if I try to hold it in.

She's in a sleepyhead in the bed with me so I can comfort her, but it doesn't seem to help.

I don't know what's going on, I just don't seem to be able to help her

Could it be a calorie issue?

Feeding more frequently in the day may help. Are you breastfeeding? I'm sure you already know these things, but avoid distractions, empty the breast fully before changing sides, offer frequently in the daytime.

The headbanging thing, thrashing from side to side, is more common than you think. It's a tired sign. It's at the over-tired end of the scale, way past yawning, eye rubbing and whatnot. But it basically is just a communication telling you the same thing - I'm tired, get me to sleep.

Some babies are best being left to it with the head thrashing, given a chance to shuffle and thrash around to get to sleep (It's self-rocking really, if you think about it). Others need help to still and calm down - holding their hands still for example, or placing your hand on their chest to still their body. I would try doing it all lying down though, rocking to sleep is a hard habit to break.

If feeding to sleep works and you are all knackered, could you just accept that she feed lying down while cosleeping?

Really interesting post as my lo is similar ages& has recently started waking really frequently at night. How often is often during the day would you say?

It depends on the child.

My youngest was a 91st centile chunk. She took a full feed (as opposed to a snacky small amount) every 2 hours from. 7am to 11pm. The flexibility was downwards, so it could be as frequent as every 90 minutes.

But she was a big baby with a big appetite and took big amounts when she fed. If you have a smaller baby, or one with a tendanxy not to take a big feed in one go, spacing feeds more than that might be more appropriate.

Our feeds stayed at 2 hourly through the day right through until about 9 months, when weaning started establishing.