Newborn cosleeping

[CaptainWarbeck]

Currently cosleeping with 4 week old DD for the usual reasons - won't sleep in cot, won't transfer etc.

She breastfeeds to sleep in my arms, then seems to stay in a light sleep for ages. I can't put her straight down in the bed and lie next to her or she wakes up, so I'm doing this mental kind of shuffle down from sitting to lying position with her in my arms, then rolling her to lie by my side. It's not very easy and half the time she wakes up.

Breastfeeding lying down is tricky, half the time she won't latch on, and then she gets really windy after a feed and writhes about grunting and not going back to sleep.

So a few questions:

• am I being obtuse and there's a far easier way to do it?

• does it matter if when she does actually sleep next to me her face is right up at my breast? She contorts herself into this position every time

• is sleeping propped up with pillows, with her in my arms the worst thing in the world? I know it's not ideal but it's the only way I'm getting the odd bit of sleep

• how do you settle an angry baby in the middle of the night who's full of milk, won't feed any more, arches her back and kicks when being held and won't be put down?

• when does sleeping more than 2 hours at a time improve?!?!?

I love her so much but this is bloody hard at times.

"is sleeping propped up with pillows, with her in my arms the worst thing in the world?"

I believe it is dangerous, sorry. Everything I've heard about SIDS and safe bedsharing says that you need to be lying flat in bed with no pillows anywhere near the baby. If you're sitting up I think there's a risk of you and/or baby changing position and baby getting squashed or suffocated.

A few suggestions:

Get some help with feeding lying down, go to a breastfeeding drop-in or see a lactation consultant for help with positioning and latch. (I feed DS lying down in bed at night and it's been a life saver.)

Consider wind/reflux and possible remedies - she might be in pain and that's why she's wriggling, arching her back and won't settle. Some cosleeper cribs can be angled slightly to help with reflux, or there is also the Cocoonababy which is supposed to be a good angle for them (and it can also help a baby who won't otherwise be put down as it makes them feel more secure).

Lastly I know you're breastfeeding but could your DP take turns to hold/settle her after you've fed her, so you can get a bit more sleep?

I'm sure others will reply with more advice... please do hang on in there as it will get better!

Sleeping with her in your arms is really quite dangerous. I agree with the pp - try to find somebody qualified who can help with latch and positioning when lying down. It might be that it just clicks in the next couple of weeks as she grows.

Once you've mastered feeding lying down, try to have at least one nap in bed with her - it makes such a difference, even if you only lie and close your eyes whilst she sleeps!

As for sleeping more than 2 hours, it'll happen! But then something will happen and it'll get worse again, before getting better than worse... etc! Baby's sleep isn't linear so there always times when it gets a bit trickier but hopefully going in the general direction of getting better! But, IMO, mastering feeding lying down and cosleeping are the best ways to get through the tiring phases.

Good luck!

am I being obtuse and there's a far easier way to do it?

Have you tried a swaddle? It lessens external stimulation making putting baby down easier. The idea would be to fed sat up with baby already swaddled, lift to wind on your shoulder (If needed) still swaddled and then put down.

does it matter if when she does actually sleep next to me her face is right up at my breast? She contorts herself into this position every time

There will be a suffocation risk if baby could get into a position of nose and mouth being obstructed (by breast tissue). Your issue in these very early weeks is baby will not be able to move in order to breath, if in trouble. As baby gets older they are better able to lift head and roll away. Less so when a sleepy newborn.

is sleeping propped up with pillows, with her in my arms the worst thing in the world? I know it's not ideal but it's the only way I'm getting the odd bit of sleep

Yes. It's really dangerous.

how do you settle an angry baby in the middle of the night who's full of milk, won't feed any more, arches her back and kicks when being held and won't be put down?

Dummy.
Likewise swaddle (see above).
And lying down cuddles.
And dummy.
Did I already say dummy?
DUMMIES ARE AMAZING. Try a dummy.

when does sleeping more than 2 hours at a time improve?!?!?

Are you winding well?
Is baby feeding well?
Is baby healthy and well?
If yes, yes and yes and you have a dummy and swaddle, then things should improve once you've found a way to get baby to sleep lying down.

I second trying to feed baby lying down next to you on bed - make sure no pillows or duvet by baby. Yes it can be tricky to start with but will make your life so much easier and is a lot safer than having him sleep in your arms in terms of suffocation risk.

I introduced a dummy at 6 weeks, this is recommended if you're breastfeeding to ensure you build up milk supply and baby doesn't end up sucking the dummy when they should be feeding. If baby's weight is good and you're not worried about milk supply then you could introduce a dummy sooner I guess (I know many use them pretty much from birth but my babies weren't great at gaining weight so I waited).

That said, only sleeping 2 hrs at a time isn't that unusual at 4 weeks I'm afraid! It definitely took more than 4 weeks for both of mine. Things gradually improved at around 6 weeks I would say.
But my DS2 still wakes up at least once every night and he's nearly 9 months. Some babies are just better or worse sleepers than others no matter what you do.

Oh i sympathise! My baby is 10 weeks now but was very similar to yours at 4 weeks!! I was seriously sleep deprived, and therefore barely functioning in the day! I was full of anxiety, tearful, desperate and miserable!!! And then something changed. ... she got older i guess! And i gave her a dummy, and swaddled her! Now she goes 4 hours or occasionally more without waking me! And she sleeps a bit away from me too, on the bed.
I do find i have to sit up with her for a while after a feed to help her digestion as putting her down too soon causes her to writhe. But actually if she is writhing then a dummy seems to help with that too! I also have slept sitting up with her on my chest. I was doing it at your stage and worried heaps about it too. I'm not recommending it as i don't think it's safe but it was also the only way i was getting sleep!

Hang in there! It will suddenly get better - sooner than you think!