How to stop 3.5 year old co-sleeping?

[boopdoop]

DS has always been rubbish at sleeping. About 18 months ago we started co-sleeping as we were at the end of ourselves and just needed to sleep. He goes to bed in his room but comes into ours late ev sigh when he wakes up. But now he's 3.5 and taking up a lot of space in bed, I'm 8 weeks pregnant and want to try and get him back to sleeping in his own bed so we get better sleep and we have more space before I get a big bump... anyone successfully done this at this age, what worked?!

It's going to be really difficult to do at this age.

It will be easier I'm about a year. Children can become more independant in their sleep around school age. Until then, you could try bribery options (I assume you've tried that already?), anything else will probably involve large amounts of protracted crying and much rapid returning from you. Do you have he energy for that?

Yeah that's what I'm thinking FATE... we haven't tried anything yet, waiting for DH to get back next week from working away and then at least he can do the majority as I'm exhausted and sick, so won't really cope with lack of sleep. Hate to do it the horrible way knowing there'll be tears etc but kind of need to do it.

Could you put a mattress in your room for him so you're still room sharing but have more space? The book "too small for my big bed" was really helpful for us - about a little tiger learning to sleep in his own bed.

I would try putting his mattress at the foot of your bed, and gradually work towards his own room.

Maybe once he is used to not physically sleeping beside you it won't seem as big a deal?

Are you in a position to redecorate his bedroom? Do something exciting with it to make it more appealing?

You are right it does need to change, this situation just won't work with a new baby especially if you are already not happy with it.

We had a similar problem with our son coming into our room at night. It wasn't every night which I found worse because I couldn't drop off to sleep, I'd lay there wondering when he was going to wake up and come in with us, I couldn't relax.

We got a blow up bed and one of us would go in to his room when he woke up. The idea being that he associates his bedroom with sleeping, not ours. At first we would stay with him until he was fast asleep and eventually we would leave him as he was just about to drop off so he wouldn't freak out if we were no longer there.

I say we have a 95% success rate with him staying the whole night in his own bed now

DD stopped cosleeping at around that age without any crying or trauma. It can be done. They're old enough to negotiate and explain.

What's his own bedroom like? Is it time for a new big boy bed, redecoration, even just new bedcovers that he will be excited about?

We did a nice long slow bedtime, tucked in with chosen teddy of the day, stories/songs, gave DD plenty of time to talk through the day and talked her nearly to sleep. Then told her we had to go and insert boring task here. To start with she would tell us when she was ready for us to go, so she was really in charge. Preschoolers love being in charge!

I still have to sing the same songs 2 years later if I'm home at bedtime! But not the talking down bit, I usually just suggest something exciting she's done or is doing tomorrow to be thinking about.

Bribery worked here (sticker chart with regular rewards) but not until 4.5 years I'm afraid. At 3.5 my co-sleeper just wasn't interested enough in the reward. Does he go to bed in his own bed? I think that's half the battle won. I think the idea of the blow-up bed in his room is the best, that way you ensure he gets used to sleeping in his own bed. Not comfy while you're pregnant though. Otherwise you may just have to pick a time and tough it out with some controlled crying if you really need him to stay in bed.

Okay. I did this last year when pregnant with dc number 4. Dd, who was 3 at that time went from almost completely co sleeping to own bed in her room within 3 nights.

First of all - wait until you are (hopefully!) feeling better in the second trimester.

At 3 they are old enough to understand (even if they're don't particularly like it!). We did the following...

Nice bedtime routine, lots of cuddles and reassurance. Though to be fair dd was already generally fine with this part; it was mainly the night waking.

When she woke during the night she expected to come into our bed. When she cried, we went to her but told her she must stay in her own bed. She screamed and howled. We kept going back. If she came to our room we walked her back to her own bed. She howled some more. This sleepless hell went on for three nights. Then she got it. Lots of praise each morning for being such a big girl etc. Like a miracle it was! We honestly couldn't have imagined her doing it. Those three nights of staying strong were so worth it.

Good luck.

We never bothered with the putting back in the night. As long as they go to sleep in the right place, once they're sleeping more deeply they'll stay put. The deeper sleep happened around 3-4 for us anyway, I remember discovering I could now carry DS in from the car, put him in bed and he wouldn't wake up.

Thanks everyone... really good advice. Will show DS and then we can decide what to do. Whilst the gentler way of blow up bed in his room is appealing, in the past we have been able to change things in 3-4 nights, is we might go with what you did Stumble and just go for it. Thanks everyone. Will maybe try next week when DH is back, will report back!