Routine

[Letsgetreadytorumbleagain]

Can anyone help me with a routine for a 4 month old (18w)

We were doing ok, but seem to have fallen apart 😞. She's overtired most of the time and doesn't seem to feed well during the day (ebf) - she never really asks for a feed, so I try every 3 hours and she feeds for about 5 mins max so is now waking every 2 hours at night (after an initial 4/5hour) stretch and won't settle with a dummy (like she used to) and wants to feed. After about 4 o'clock it's every hour and we will end up in the bed together as I'm so tired

At bedtime I try to get her to go to sleep herself in the sleepyhead (in the cot) which she does 80% of the time, the rest of the time she'll fall asleep on the boob.

For naps it's all a bit adhoc - either moving chair, cot, car, pushchair - depending on where we are and what we're doing. I try to make sure she only has 2 hours of awake time - but I'm not sure if this is right 😞

I really want to make sure she has good sleep habits as my son has always been a nightmare and didn't really reliably sleep through (until 5ish) until about 18 months old and then as soon as the sides came off his cot he would come into our bed every night and he's still doing it quite regularly at nearly 5

Any advice?

Oh and naps are 30mins unless on me when they can be 2 hours or more

doesn't seem to feed well during the day

This is likely to be the main reason for night wakes. I think it's called reversed cycling (? I'm not big on the breastfeeding jargon, you'd be better asking on the feeding board). But if baby is not getting enough calories throughout the day then he is going to need more in the night time.

One way of changing this would be to significantly reduce the amount of night feeds you offer, so baby is more hungry in the daytime and takes more. But personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable not feeding a hungry baby at any time.

You can also work on daytime distractions - feeding in quiet, unstimulating environments. Feeding when not tired (ie when waking up) will also help ensure it's a good feed.

Consider frequency of daytime feeds too. Some babies are better with frequent feeds and some with spaced out feeds. In either case make it a big, full feed rather than a snacky feed. Even feeding frequently, it's perfectly reasonable to find baby having a full feed every 2 hours from 7am to 9pm.

I started moving to formula feeding at 4 months and kept breastfeeding just for the cuddles not calories, because routine and sleeping well were more previous to me than feeding method. That's just me though.

Having looked at your daytime feeding, other things to consider are

• 90m awake time max in the daytime
• going to sleep where baby will stay asleep, rather than being put down already asleep
• establishing the routine that at night wake ups you don't automatically feed. Try to resettle without feeding first, so baby gets used to it
• do your settling with baby in the cot. Sidecar cot and dummy make tgi s intimately easier.

Then it's just about realistic expectations. You may well be needed to resettle baby in the night.

Thanks @FATEdestiny I've tried to reduce awake time today and have offered a feed every 2 hours or so, and she seems to have fed or as long as normal, so hoping that means I've got more calories into her today.

She does generally go to sleep in her sleepyhead, just occasionally she falls asleep whilst feeding - on those occasions I like to jostle her slightly as I put her down so that she opens her eyes, hoping that she might register where she is before going to sleep iyswim.

I feel the same as you about withholding feeds. I do try to settle with the dummy but if she's really refusing then I offer a feed.

Maybe this gentle change of feed schedule will help things.

Thanks again