Terrible 6w sleep

[ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual]

Ds2 is 6 weeks and a terrible sleeper. I know he's young, I know they wake often at this age, but it feels particularly bad and I don't know what to do for the best. He's always woken every 2 hours at least but this last week it's more like every 45-1.5 hours. He doesn't even want milk, we offer it but he rarely takes more than about 30ml. We've tried not offering milk in that case but either rocking him or offering dummy. Both things will settle him for a minute or so but then the crying will start again. He's in his cot but used to settle better if brought into our bed, but that doesn't work anymore either. He has a strong startle reflex which doesn't help, but doesn't like being swaddled. I don't know what to do! Like I say, I'm not expecting miracles at this age but surely waking this often and not settling isn't overly usual either? One good thing is that he is genuinely tired - he wants to go back to sleep - but for some reason can't.

Sorry to give you bad news OP, but that is pretty much what 6-week old babies are like.
It will improve gradually.

Not all 6 week olds are like this and that may be part of the concern!

Was your first a good sleeper OP? My DD1 was awesome. She was reliably sleeping through (10pm-6am) by 8 weeks.

My DD2 was a shock. She was very much like your LO until a couple of weeks ago (she's 9 weeks now). She just would not go
back to sleep. I spoke to the doctor about it at 6 weeks and she was extremely helpful. She said it might just be her (and "poor you, I've been there") or that it might be a digestive issue given some other symptoms she had. For us, it was the latter, but I now have a cow's milk allergy to deal with

If you've not had his GP check yet, might be worth asking.

I'd suggest you are not taking the correct messages from the communication baby is giving you. I can give you a couple of examples of this from your opening post:

Both things [rocking him or offering dummy] will settle him for a minute or so but then the crying will start again. Both things will settle him for a minute or so but then the crying will start again

Settling baby to sleep often requires some significant time and effort from you.

Giving a dummy (best answer, in my opinion) and/or rock and within 5 minutes baby is crying again, or maybe hasn't even stopped crying, this does not mean these methods are not working. It means you need to carry on trying for longer and hiving more help to get baby to sleep.

It might take 10, 20, 30 minutes of increasing effort to get baby to sleep. For example if baby wakes and it was only 1h or so since last bottle, I'd know baby isn't hungry. So would:

• give dummy and cuddle into the sidecar cot. Expect to need to gently hold dummy in for baby or reinsert it a few times. Maybe some shushing and my hand on baby's chest to settle in addition to dummy. I'd give this 10 minutes or so

• if not settling from the above after 10 minutes, pick baby up into a wind position (on shoulder) and rub back. Some swaying while baby is there. Hoping to get a few burps and some calming rhythmic movement. Give this 5-10 mins, depending on how successful winding is and if baby is still crying a lot.

• lie baby on my bed and swaddle (see below)

• if calming down from winding and swaddle, into cot and another 10 mins of dummy and hand on chest cuddles

• if still not calming, into cradle hold whilst swaddled and rocking whilst holding dummy in. I would probably just keep going with this until asleep, regardless how long it takes.

He has a strong startle reflex which doesn't help, but doesn't like being swaddled

Here is another example. On what basis are you taking the assumption he doesn't like being swaddled?

Fighting against the swaddle? Arching back? Screaming whilst being swaddled? Kicking legs? Flaying arms? All of these things are signs baby needs a swaddle, wants a swaddle even.

The swaddle is there to calm baby down when giving all these signs - there are all over tired signs. Screaming, flaying arms, arching back, kicking out - these are all communications that say "Pleassssseeeee please please help me go to sleep. Right NOW".

Swaddling, dummy suck, swaying and rocking - these are all things that help baby get there. They are not magic wands, none of them. But every one helps to get baby to be still, calm and quiet in order to relax and go to sleep.

Actual signs baby doesn't want a swaddle is that baby goes to sleep easily without it. So it therefore serves no purpose. If a newborn baby struggles going to sleep, put in a swaddle.

he wants to go back to sleep - but for some reason can't

A little unrealistic expectations here.

This is true of all babies. They don't just lie down and go to slerp sleep when tired, none of them. You have to help. Sometimes significantly.

Bit harsh FATE! OP has a 6 week old and is tired.

Don't agree at all that all babies need help anyway. I had one who didn't. My HV actually wanted me to wake her because she was asleep all the time.

Trust your instincts OP.

Melvin you've guessed correctly, ds1 was a good sleeper! Not insanely so, but at this point was waking every 4 hours, which was more than bearable! I'm realising now how lucky I was. He was also a very good self settler and actively seemed to enjoy being in his cot.

Fate that's interesting what you say about a swaddle and I see your point. I agree he needs it though it seems to make him pretty cross and when he's fighting against it I can't help doubting that it's helping, and whether he'd sleep more smoothly without it. I will persevere. I have a Love to Dream swaddle which keeps his legs free but helps with the arm startling, so I'll keep going with this.

I think you also have a point about giving the rocking etc more time but every minute feels like an hour at 3am! I think because I am up at least once or twice an hour settling/offering milk, by the time very early morning comes round it does genuinely feel like nothing is working. I'll try to be more patient.

Melvin i do also suspect a touch of reflux. Ds1 had this much worse though we were lucky in that it didn't affect his sleep --just made him bloody grumpy

I have panic purchased a sleepyhead today because ds loves being cuddled, so this may help him feel more secure.

At the moment I'm genuinely getting about 2-3 hours sleep and nothing at all past 1 or 2am, so I'm finding it hard to think rationally about any of this.

I am in a similar position with my little boy, albeit he is only 4 weeks old tomorrow, I can totally sympathise with you about every minute feeling like an hour in the early hours, and also it does help when OH is snoring away next to you, and all you want is a couple of hours uninterrupted sleep! I think the suggestions above are really good, and I think preserving with some will help, I can sometimes spend 45mins plus rocking my little boy to sleep after his early morning feed (around 2am) and then before you know it he'll be up again! It might not help but I just keep remembering that it's not forever and he'll sleep eventually and am making the most of the early morning snuggles whilst I can! Keep doing what your doing, you're doing brilliantly! Xxx

I completely understand the minutes dragging in the am all hours of the morning.

Have you considered a sidecar cot? You can remove one side off most cots, then wedge or lash it to your bed.

It means that you can do all of your settling with baby in the cot (very good for long term sleep hygiene) and without you needing to move from under the duvet in bed.

I can even do the settling and dummy reinserts without opening my eyes and remaining partially asleep throughout. It's a sanity saver.

Another tip for helping you cope is to turn your bedside clock around do you can't see the time end stop counting wake ups. It is surprising the psychological affect this has on how tired you feel.

Small* hours of the morning

Not much to add, but my LO also seemed to fight against a swaddle, but clearly needed one as was keeping himself awake with flailing arms. I tried one that swaddles them with their arms up (how mine would naturally sleep), and it was an instant winner. Suddenly discovered the 2 hr nap! Mine was about 9 weeks at that stage. it also allows him to suck his hand (through the material) which is great, as he uses it for self settling. Bit gross as the swaddle is often heavily dribbled on and needs a lot of washing! But totally worth it.

Good luck.

@Saz467 I'm interested in the swaddle that keeps the arms up. What is it called, please?

@saz467 I am also interested in the swaddle that keeps their arms free as this may be useful for my little boy as he doesn't like his arms being restricted in a swaddle so this may be ideal! Thanks xx

Thanks for advice everyone. Had a bit of success I think last night with the sleepyhead. We had 2 lots of 2 hours between feeds, which is an improvement. He also settled with hardly any fussing. Didn't sleep well past 4am but to be fair he'd been asleep a while by then.

Rice and Aimee this is the swaddle I use which keeps arms in up position. Ds not overly keen on it but my sister's baby loves it and sleeps amazingly well.

Thanks for the swaddle information! So glad you had an improved nights sleep, 2 solid hours is a good improvement and things always look clearer after a little skeso! Hopefully things will only improve from here, I've heard really good reviews regards the sleep head, we have the cosy dream babymoov and my little boy loves it, he knows when he goes in that it's bedtime and not nap time! Hope your success continues xxxx