3 year old bed time defiance

[Lauraclay1]

Hi.... help! My daughter is 3 at the end of august. Over the last 3 weeks or so we have gradually given 3 dummies to the fairy who left presents in return. On Monday (less than a week ago) she said she would give the last one away, then kept changing her mind back and forth finding it funny, so while she played, the fairy took it. She has been napping without it (thought we'd practice getting to sleep without it with nap time) totally fine. She gets really quite angry when tired so seems like she still needs the nap. But bedtime has gradually got worse - she is defiant and gets angry and wants to bite and kick. She then spends at least 90 minutes calling mummy back, for a cuddle, toys are in the wrong place, duvet is a mess etc etc. She then starts calling for daddy when I progress from being calm and flexible to more firm. I make up that he's gone out to work and with that her sister has gone to bed. She cries and if I leave her she just gets out of bed and continues to be angry. I'd let her cry it out but I feel for my other daughter who is very good going to bed, but is 3 years older. I am sure we must have had this with her so trying to persevere knowing it will end and it's just a phase but I am starting to lose the will! The dummies are all gone and there was no way i am undoing all the hard work. I know she can do it as she goes off at nap time so she's being defiant. Do I cut nap out and maybe bring bedtime earlier looking out for the tiredness signs? Or do I risk over tiredness? Any advice?! Like I say, she was fine until the dummy went.

A new big girl activity or allowed to do something not usually allowed- due to her being big enough to go to bed sensibly and without her dummy?

I could try that, but I don't think it'll sink in. She finally settled tonight when I threatened to take one of her toys if I had to go in one more time. I think she panicked. But I feel that's quite negative and would make her worse and more cross, therefore not solving anything!

She's likely to still need comfort to go to sleep at this age. So have you replaced the dummy with something she finds equally as soothing and comforting?

Children generally need to feel safe and comforted in order to help them go to sleep until school age - so around 4-5 years old. As they get older they tend to naturally stop the little comforting rituals and objects they collect.

She did take a blanket to bed the other night which she always rested with on the settee but it didn't seem to make a difference. She has other comfort toys which she seems to have got cross with since the dummy went.

You cant just 'create' a comforter. It takes a while for the object to be bonded with, or even accepted at all, to give that "ahhhhhhhhh that's better" tranquil feeling.

She always had a dummy and a dolly and loved pink blanket too. But since dummy gone she feels cross with dolly (which lays on her face for sleep) and pink blanket isn't enough. We also have mousey and rainbow bear in their very own places. All of that had remained the same.