Why can DS self settle on my mattress but not on his own??

[WoodsfortheTrees]

DS is 9 months old and we are currently cosleeping. I went back to work full time a few weeks ago and at the moment it's all about survival

DSs cot is next to our bed with one side removed. His cot is pushed right up against ours and our mattresses are at the same height.

I've taken FATE's advice and now settle DS in his cot. He goes to sleep like a dream. Luckily his cot is big and I'm small so I can fit into his cot with him and I stay until he ia fully asleep. However, if he is on his mattress he wakes after one sleep cycle. We watch him on the monitor. He wakes, rolls onto his front and then starts crawling around like he is drunk, getting very cross in the process! This cycle repeats often during the night.

If I settle DS on our mattress (using exactly the same technique!) he still wakes after one cycle but we then watch him roll onto his front and go back to sleep!! He then sleeps for around 6 hours before he needs resettling.

Why does he do this? Is it the difference in the softness of the mattresses or something else? And what can I do to change this?

I have some time off work in the next few weeks and I plan to tackle the cot sleeping then but in the meantime we're a little baffled

Sounds like your mattress is comfortable for him on his tummy, his less so. His may be firmer? SIDS recommendations are that baby sleeps in a firm mattress, not a soft one. So cot mattresses tend to be on the harder side.

He'll get used to it as he gets older. Is he confidently rolling front to back and back to front?

Maybe your bed/bedding smells like you and that is what comforts him.

Our DD1 does this as well, she's 7mo. In her Snuzpod she wakes every single hour crying. If I put her on our bed she rolls onto her tummy and goes straight to sleep, whether I lie with her or not. Unfortunately I can't leave her there as she's a complete kamikaze and silently crawls around our bed the second she wakes up.

It could be the softness of the mattress, or the scent, or the fact she has more space, or that she associates sleeping there with you. Maybe try putting your sheets in her bed once they've been slept on?

I wish I had an answer as I'm really losing the plot with our little one!

FATE
Yes he rolls both ways confidently. DH and I did wonder whether the hardness of his mattress was what was waking him when he rolls. We assumed all cot mattresses would be the same firmness due to SIDS guidelines. Do you know if this is the case? We're more than happy buying a new mattress as this is the only sticking point where DSs sleep is concerned

Sorry chloe, crossed posts with you. It's a nightmare isn't it?

I've probably made matters worse by putting him in our bed but if my choices are

His cot - run up and down the stairs every hour

Or

Our bed - time for a bath, watch tv, have a cup of tea in peace

Then I'm afraid I've gone for the easy route

We assumed all cot mattresses would be the same firmness due to SIDS guidelines. Do you know if this is the case?

I don't know that cot mattresses have a defined firmness that is consistant across brands, just that for SIDS recommendations they should be firm. Therefore a softer mattress or topper would be a SIDS risk (as is sleeping on your mattress if that is soft)

That said, it is for you to decide how you manage the risks according to your own thoughts on risk management.

Our mattress is a super soft memory foam squishy thing. It's really, obviously dangerous surface to cosleep on to my logical mind. That said, while I didn't cosleep routinely, there were certainly times I fell asleep feeding baby on my bed and knew this was a risk. You can't face risks with ignorance. If you understand and acknowledge the risk of a soft mattress, it would be for you to decide if that's an acceptable risk, or not.

We have the same problem! I think it is definitely because our bed is vastly more comfortable than the cot, but we have a double sided mattress which has a softer side for 12 months plus, I currently have it on the firm side but I am considering switching it even though dd is only 10 months. She has been confidently rolling from 4 months and can now crawl, pull up and cruise and sit down again herself no bother so I'm inclined to let her have the comfy side if she will sleep better. It's weighing up the risks that's the difficult bit, but if your DS is confident moving about he is unlikely to end up suffocating in a face down position.

The risk part is definitely the difficult part. I know DS sleeping in our bed is risky but somehow it feels less risky having him next to me than on a softer mattress in another room, which makes no sense at all!

I think we'll carry on cosleeping until I'm on holiday from work (just 8 more working days!) and then try cot sleeping again. If we get no joy then we'll think about buying a new mattress. Which one have you got @silkpyjamasallday?

Sounds familiar OP. No advice but it's unbelievable how quickly and deeply DS falls asleep in our bed. He was always a good sleeper but he's become clingy and cosleeping is kind of working for us at the moment so I'm finding it difficult to get motivated to change it.

If you manage, let me know how