Nursery have requested specialist intervention due to DDs sleep

[R1nderCella]

Hi All,

I'm wondering if anyone can offer some advice. DD has always suffered when it's sleep time. She dropped her naps at 1 years old, and woke several times during the night for a feed for the first 2 years.

From 2 years old to 3 years old, we had periods of waking that would start at either midnight and she would stay up all night.

At 3 years old (I had a slight breakdown induced from the lack of sleep), after advice from a work colleague, I fitted a safety gate on her bedroom door. She cried for a total of one hour over a 3 day period, and slept 12 hours a night for a whole month after this. You will not believe the tears of joy that I cried, 3 whole years of hardly any sleep every night and she slept a whole month.

After the month was over, the wakings started but on most nights after 10 mins or so at the gate she realised no one was coming and went back to sleep.

Over the past 6 months or so, she has learnt how to open the baby gate and is brave enough to come out of her room and into my room, which would be absolutely fine if she slept but she is wide awake. I have always let nursery know when she's had a tough night, because I know it affects her behaviour.

Fast forward to last night, she woke up at 12.30am and didn't sleep all night. I informed nursery who have advised me they are concerned about her sleep as it affects her speech, interaction with the other children and although it isn't a problem now, as she is only there till lunch time, it will become a problem in September when she starts full time school. They have asked me to see my GP for a specialist referral which I will tomorrow, once the surgery is open.

Her current routine is:
Dinner at 5.30pm
Bath at 6pm
Story & Milk at 6.15pm
Sleep/Big light out and night light on at 6.30pm.
I sit with her till she falls asleep usually around 6,45pm/7pm.

Just so I don't drip feed, and whether these bits of information are relevant or not:

DD has never been interested/is not able to play with a toy/s for longer that 5 mins.

Trying new foods is a challenge. Sandwiches or rice (mixed with veg and meat/chicken is literally all she will eat. If I try to gently persuade her, she will gag (purposefully or not I don't know) and spit the food out.

She does not like going into noisy venues where loud music is playing or the noise of a few hundred people terrifies her (weddings/christenings)

Hand dryers in public bathrooms terrify her.

People who have loud voices terrify her.

She is very bright, full and precise sentences that shock many people, can count to 30, write her alphabets etc, read a lot of words etc.

She has always been a very very active child, who requires constant stimulation.

Apologies, this has turned into a really long post but I know a lot of you in this topic have a lot of experience. I'd appreciate some thoughts as I'm exhausted and holding it together by a thread.

Yes, it's specialist help you need.

I would start with an appointment and long chat with your health visitor. Don't just go to a drop-in session, phone up and make an appointment. The health visitor team may be able to give you 121 help themselves, or know where you can get help.

Sound s tough.

A lot of what you've listed are red flags for autism. (Actually I think all of what youve listed)

A lot of autistic kids struggle with sleep. Sometimes melatonin is prescribed.

Hi R1nder, your DD sounds just like mine at that age. Agree with above poster re: red flags for autism, my daughter was diagnosed age 5 after she started school and she became much more anxious and more difficulties emerged. I'd see your GP in the first instance who can refer to paediatrician. Sleep deprivation is a killer! My daughter started on melatonin age 6 and a half, we resisted medication for so long but really it's given us our sanity back. She doesn't stay asleep but at least has a stretch of sleep and I don't spend hours trying to get her to sleep. Hope that helps.

The nursery staff are right, you need some specialist help. Try either you hv or gp in the first instance.

Thanks for all the replies:

Other things I have thought about since posting OP

We haven't been anywhere in nearly 4 years, no family functions, no restaurants. The odd times I have tried, we have walked straight back out.

Having to hold her jaw open and trapping her body in between my legs to brush her teeth.

She doesn't like water on her face, I have to use a wet cloth in the mornings and at bath times. Washing her hair is the most tearful and dramatic event of the evening.

Only I can feed her, bath her and put her to sleep. I have to be there when she wakes up and goes bed otherwise she will be inconsolable or not sleep.

She was toilet trained fairly quickly during the day, but we still haven't managed night time. Her nappies are completely and utterly full at night. Also she has periods where she has pee accidents, due to holding her pee in for example when she is playing in the garden.

I have found letting her know when she has 10 mins left and then 5 mins for an activity to finish i.e. coming inside from the garden or watching tv helps.

Again, thank you for the replies. I have had nearly 4 years of secretly thinking it shouldn't be this difficult vs scolding myself to 'woman up' for thinking it's difficult.