Wakes 10+ times a night, but not to feed!

[vivavivaviva]

I am beyond myself. This sleep deprivation is now really starting to affect the rest of family life, so much so that my husband suggested sleep training this morning.

I have a toddler, DD, great sleeper now, and a baby, DS, 4.5mo.

DS has really knocked me for six. I've had undiagnosed low iron, which is finally getting treated so might improve things, but the constant night wakings are so unbearable. I don't want to do anything during the day, my relationship with DD is suffering and I often don't want to see DS either.

My DH pulls his weight (he's awesome) but doesn't wake so easily so often doesn't do much until I'm almost at the point of tears, whimpering how awful life is (so silly in the light of day).

DS naps during the day 30min, 30mins, 1-2hrs, 30 mins. I guess that probably doesn't help. He's usually awake for about 2 hrs.

He is bottle fed, has been since 6 weeks. Has a dream feed around 9.30pm, then only usually has 1-2oz around 2am if we're running out of ideas. Until about 6.30am. He really doesn't seem to be hungry during the night. He's a big fella anyway!

He uses a dummy, seems to go to sleep easier if on his side. Has a cuddly toy we've introduced as it worked so well for our DD. He likes to play with the dummy in his mouth.

Night time waking is not just pop dummy back in, but so much more fussy than that. It's impossible to work out what is going to work. He does seem to want to be asleep.

And reading this back I can tell how far this has pushed me, all that info is so jumbled!

Is there anyone who can give me any advice at all? I have no support in our area, we moved here just as he was born.

There is a sleep regression around 4 months. No advice but it will pass. My DS was a terrible sleeper around then. Multiple wakings and awake for hours at night. I just rode it out and co-sleeping helped a bit.

Could it be wind at night, if uncomfortable lying flat?

Just have a few days of being really thorough with his winding in the day, to see if it makes a difference. Also raising the head end of the cot may help.

Could also be hunger, especially if already a big lad. My 91st centile DD saw her milk I take go up by 25% between 4 and 5 months - a massive amount. The size of his stomach will limit the size of feeds he can have. So instead try more frequent feeds, more bottles per day. Mine was feeding every 2h to 2h30m in the daytime.

On from that some sanity saving tips that may not change how often baby wakes, but makes life easier for you to cope with

• have the cot next to your bed. Mattress on the highest position it can safely be so that teaching into the cot is easy
• make finding the dummy easy. I sewed short ribbons with pressstuds into the chest of sleeping bags. Then reinserting dummy can be done without opening your eyes.
• if your toddler naps still, cosleep with baby the nap when toddler is asleep.
• turn your bedside clock around so you cant see it and stop counting wake ups. This has a suprising physiological affect on how tired you think you are.
• get DH to take baby in the morning and last thing at night, so you get a few hours rest
• speak to your gp if you are feeling down

Thanks jasquers. I guess it is something I'm just something I'm going to have to ride out. It's been horrific for 6 weeks now, but I supposed has peaked at 4months so maybe it'll settle soon.

Thanks fate, I really appreciate the long response.

I don't think it is wind, no, but I've taken your suggestion to super wind him just in case!

I don't think hunger either, although I was basing that on not wanting food at night. But I think it will be worth offering a bottle more regularly during the day to see if he needs more (the hv will be horrified! He's already a tank!)

I'd love to move the cot closer, we can't due to room size, but I can definitely raise it. Although I might get out the tape measure later with DH and see if there is any solution like this.
Dummies are not a problem as it's not completely dark in our room. Maybe it should be?

The clock thing, ingenious. It really is the first thing you check and I do definitely count wakes, must get out of that habit. I agree that probably it's more a psychological issue at this point. I don't think there is anything wrong with DS!

DD does still nap, but they don't often match up well. Will have a go at a nap when she does though.

DH was a saint last night and insisted I slept with earplugs on the sofa. I got 6.5hrs before he was too tired to continue. I feel a lot more healthy today. GP point is noted. I've felt a lot lower this birth than my first, I've excused it away most of the time.

Thank you again, I needed some support.