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Another other non-routiney folk out there?

6 replies

FTM85 · 08/07/2017 21:34

Who has a routine in place for little one? Am I a terrible mother? 😂

LO is 5 months and I've basically followed her cues since birth for everything. Up until about 3 months, bedtime was quite consistent - she was asleep by no later than 8.30 and would sleep in one of our arms until our bedtime when she'd go in bednest or our bed.

Then bedtime was more like 10pm, now it's like 11/11.30pm 😳 then she always comes into our bed as doesn't go in her cot unless asleep.

We're all perfectly happy and baby never seems overtired. I've tried to take her up to or bed with white noise and feeding to sleep etc but she just rolls around gurgling 😂 I can't force her to go to sleep.

Just wondering other people's experiences? I've been told babies seem to naturally choose an earlier bedtime once fully established on solids (8/9 months)? She also only catnaps in the day 20/40 mins here and there. Out of the recommended 14 hours sleep at her age I'd say she's probably getting between 10-12..

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FATEdestiny · 08/07/2017 21:48

I've always allowed for the first 6 months to be the time baby teaches Mummy the routine baby likes best.

I have to say I would worry if a 5 year old was only having 10 hours sleep a day. I would worry I was misinterpreting tired signs if my 5 month old was sleeping this little.

FATEdestiny · 09/07/2017 10:34

@riddles26 would be able to empathise with your situation I think op. If she sees this thread, riddles was in a situation not that different to this when her baby was under 4-5 month old. I think she's about 4 months on from this now.

MargaretCabbage · 09/07/2017 10:43

I don't worry too much about routines with babies, they change so much so often and there always seems to be a sleep regression or teething or something else that ruins it all anyway. I feel like I'm in a minority though.

My nine month old goes to sleep anywhere between 7 and 11 at the moment, and has never been a great napper despite my best efforts. I'm sure it's only going to improve over the next few months.

My DS is 2.5 and at 18 months he still wasn't going to sleep before 10pm and I started to feel like I must have got everything wrong but he suddenly changed, and since he was two he has been in bed and straight to sleep at 7pm.

riddles26 · 09/07/2017 19:51

I had a baby who just refused to nap; from very young (around 2 weeks), her awake times were much longer than recommended for her age. A few times during the first month, I did feel like she was awake longer than she should be but I hadn't done any research on baby sleep before I had her - I had lots of help from family members who have raised children and was happy to take their advice which was to follow her cues. I tried this but she didn't used to show any obvious signs of tiredness (no eye rubbing, turning away etc). She did however, do long stretches at night from 3 weeks (starting at 4-5 hours and increasing to 8-10hours by 12weeks).

Up until I sleep trained her at 5.5 months, she did not nap well (if at all) during the day. The few times she did would usually be a 20ish min catnap and that would often only be once in the day so total 12ish hours sleep in 24 from 3 months old. We did go through a stage of managing to get her to nap in the pram after walking outside for 2+ hours but that was not consistently successful and an injury meant it was not sustainable on a daily basis.

Like with you, taking her to bed to nap would result in her chatting and playing, then crying when she realised I wasn't playing with her and wanted her to sleep. Rocking would have a similar result and same for everything else we tried. The biggest difference between my situation and yours is that she would get grumpy, cranky and overtired - by this point, she was so far past tired that she was pretty much wired and putting her to sleep was impossible.

When she hit 4 month regression and stopped sleeping at night plus also still wasn't napping, I had to do something. I was terrified of the impact of such little broken sleep on her long term brain development. She was also getting so overtired, she was practically inconsolable but still would not sleep. We used a sleep consultant who put us in a typical 7-7 routine, initially with 3 naps which dropped to 2 by 7ish months. I followed the routine to the letter for the first 2 months, staying at home for most naps and only deviating if I absolutely had to. By doing so, I've learnt so much more about her, how she shows that she is tired (she has completely different signs to any other baby I know), when she wants to sleep longer or stay up.

Part of the sleep training included us firmly establishing sleep associations - now we have succeeded in showing her that it is nap/bedtime and going to sleep is not negotiable, I can move her timings around if necessary. We also don't follow 7-7 anymore, it's more 8-7ish (waking for a feed once) with around total 3 hours daytime sleep.

She will still resist sleep if I give her the opportunity - I've accepted she will always be like that but with the right associations, she also goes to sleep happily without protest now and I feel so much more confident in knowing what she wants.

From my NCT group of 8, only 2 of us follow a routine so clearly not essential but for my circumstances, it has made such a big difference and she and I are so much happier the way things are now.

Josieannathe2nd · 09/07/2017 19:55

3rd baby now. No routine as such but I know him well so when he's tired a feed/rock/pushchair/car journey till he goes to sleep. It's roughly 2-3 hours after he wakes up.

TBH I don't really get how a routine would work- some days he wakes at 6am, some days 7am. On a 6am day he might be back to sleep by 8am but some days he just doesn't seem tired so falls asleep on the school run at 9am.

Bella1985 · 10/07/2017 11:35

We don't have a routine. Since 4th sleep regression DS naps through the night rather than sleep so maybe lack of routine is where we're going wrong. But he's a really happy baby, doesn't seem to get too cranky with tiredness. If he does, I know he'll be asleep within 30mins. He's 6 months old now. Most nights he ends up with me. I've tried getting him to sleep in his cot but he cries and screams and gets worked up, I just can't do it. We've started introducing a teddy for nap times for it becomes a sleep association tool. On days when he's barely slept, nights have been rubbish. On days when he's napped a lot (usually if we've been in the car) nights are still rubbish. Last night he went to sleep at 10pm. We're not stressing about it. Yet!

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