The best possible way to set a routine is to completely clear the diary for a month or so. Follow a rudimentary structure to your day, being flexible about when you go placed, rather than "needing" to be somewhere at a particular time.
As time goes on, you'll notice baby naturally falling into a regular pattern, with the help of your basic structure to the day, and from that develops your routine. At that point, then start adding in places to be, classes to go to or whatever, that fit with baby's routine.
So the routine itself starts with wake up time. You say you have a bedtime routine, that's the wrong end 9f the day to start with. The time of bedtime needs to be flexible (according to naps) but waking up time needs to be set in stone.
You say baby normally wakes around 6am, so start with that. Set your alarm for 6am and wake baby up straight away. Every day. 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Wake up, get up, go downstairs and start the day. Same time every day
(If 6am isn't convenient to you it is changeable once routine is more set)
On from a set-in-stone wake up time, also have set-in-stone awake time between naps. I wod suggest 90 minutes, 2h max.
So with a set wake up time (6am) you have a first naptime (7.30am into the cot, allowing settling time). Then notice the time when baby wakes and ensure baby is fed and back into the cot 90 minutes later. Continue this way through until about 5-6pm. At that point allow for a longer 2h awake time before bedtime routine starts. So the time bedtime routine starts will be anywhere from 7-8pm, depending on naps. Then assuming bedtime routine and settling to sleep takes half an hour, baby will be asleep anywhere from 7.30-8.30pm.
Keep awake time in the morning the same, even if bedtime is later. If you note that you are always waking baby in the morning, rather than baby waking up around that time anyway, move wake up time later by 15minutes if you want to. You may find the routine develops into an 8pm-7am night, maybe it sticks as 7pm-6am. See how things go.
In terms of in-cot settling, I would:
- no faffing at bedtime/naptime. Strip off clothes, into sleeping bag, into cot, given dummy and comforter toy
- dummy is absolutely critical in my view
- Then I'd know I was staying right there until baby was fully asleep. No trying to sneek out early. No stressing because you want to 'do stuff'. Just stay as long as needed.
- stand by the cot, form hand on baby's chest. Other hand reinserting dummy as needed, holding legs still if kicking, holding hands if arm flapping, or just caressing cheek/head so baby feels surrounded and protected.
- lots of eye contact. The the best non-verbal communicatin you have. Make your eyes and body language say "it's ok, I'm here for you, I won't go, I love you". The touch reassurance (firm hand on chest) is a similar non-verbal communication saying the same - you're right here and going no where and you care.
- I prefer minimal movement and sound. I would pat and shush only to settle baby down. Once settled I would aim for still, silent, calm and reassuing. But the dummy is vital in this. Chances are that without a dumny baby will end up screaming and the method may not work.
- don't remove the firm hand off chest until baby is fully asleep. Dummy shoukd drop at this point too. Then gently remove hand and move dummy away, but stay standing by the cot for a few minutes to ensure baby doesn't wake. Then leave the room ninja-style so not to wake baby.