Coping with sleep deprivation at work

[CockneyRhymer]

I have just gone back to work (DD2 is 9.5 months). Much like her sister she is a bloody awful sleeper. I went back earlier with DD1 but went for a longer maternity leave this time (DP and I use shared parental leave) in the hope that I would be better rested, but it's not to be. She sleeps well for the first part of the evening but wakes 'properly' at least 3 times and feeds on and off from about 2.30 am until it's time to get up, with a lot of shouting.

We're going to have a pop at night weaning her next week but I don't think she'll go for it as her daytime feeds have been reduced so much. DD1 reverse-cycled like mad and DD2 won't go for a bottle or cup of milk either.

When I went back with DD1 I was useless for ages. I really need not to be this time- I have loads on and also need to get up the energy to job hunt.

So what are your coping strategies? I have the sort of job that involves lots of reading and writing with extended concentration, and I can't focus on anything at the moment and struggle to absorb things- even when people are talking to me.

I've got a little period where things are a bit easier as I'm 3 days a week for a bit with leave. DD2 did eventually manage sleeping through just shy of her second birthday but it's a long way away!

Probably not what you want to hear, but was adamant I couldn't get up in the night with the second and work, after crashing the car, so I was prepared to do controlled crying, which I did with my first. I made sure I fed them really hugely in the daytime, so by 9 months that would be 3 meals with protein, snacks, follow-on milk, so I knew they weren't hungry at night, and then night weaned so no milk at night, even if they wake up. Also put them down awake for naps so they got in the habit of self-soothing and getting to sleep without being fed.

I was all prepared to tough it out, in the end my second slept through as soon as I upped her food/milk in the day and it solved itself, barring illness/the odd nightmare or whatever.

It sounds like we could be in a similar line (academia?) and I just knew I couldn't work f/t and be awake half the night. Even with that, the early mornings and sometimes night wakenings meant I wasn't on form for writing for probably a couple of years or more after my second child.

Thanks Summer- I'm not an academic exactly but very close with lots of the same sort of tasks. I think needing to be self motivating is the worst thing! She's actually fine at going down for naps and can self soothe- just a demon between 2 and 6 am.

We're going to work on her a bit more- I want to avoid CC if I can but am prepared to robustly night wean very soon.

Hi!

I am the queen of coping with sleep deprivation at work!! I went back full time when mine was 7 months and didn't sleep through til 14 months :(

My job is corporate and involves clients etc. My first used to wake in the night and I couldn't get her back to sleep for up to 2 hours.

My coping mechanisms were to -
Confide in one colleague who can have your back!
Go in early and finish early.
Don't mention it to anyone except top colleague.
Eat really well at lunch - cooked dinner ideally.
Drink loads of water all day and all night.
Exercise if possible.
Act ( pretend you are fine- don't let it knock your confidence or it will affect your ability)
Do all important tasks first thing in the morning.
Makes lists and if you have a good idea write it down there and then.
Book A/L on a nursery day if it gets too much.
Take vitamins religiously.
Look after your appearance (makes you feel better!)
I always went to bed at 8pm

Those are my tips! I have another baby now so will probably be in the same boat again although I am going back slightly later this time.

Reputation is important for my industry- can you do anything to take work home and double check when you are feeling more relaxed and less pressurised to get it done?

Hope some points help you? There is an end (as you know!) you just have to battle through the fog for a while!
X

I went to bed at 9 so I could at least get a chunk of sleep in before the inevitable waking / being up half the night shenanigans.

Can you sleep in shifts so you each get a decent span of sleep? This was what saved my sanity - there were times when Daddy/bottle was a poor substitute (indeed he often didn't want the bottle at all) but he was never left alone to cry which I felt was important. Otherwise, get as much help as you can with things outside work, avoid caffeine, lots of water, exercise and good food helps. Try to break tasks down into short chunks, learn when you have more or less energy and manage your workload accordingly. A walk in the fresh air really helps blow away the cobwebs. Be ruthless about prioritising - better to turn down a task or two than overload yourself and perform less well across the board.

At 9.5 months you really really don't need to be feeding a baby in the night.
I completely agree with a previous poster who did controlled crying. Within a week you will all be getting good quality sleep.

To be fair I am one hard old cow but I couldn't do controlled crying.

I won't do it with this baby either - mine took her time to sleep through and for whatever reason needed me there. I persoanally and am willing to take the hit rather than listen to them cry. Wouldn't dream of criticising people who found this method to work but if the op can't do it then that is that!

Thanks Chosen and others- those are really good tips. I definitely have been relying too much on coffee and sugar and I think that's making it worse. It's also a good plan to stop talking about it too much I think. Exercise is the tricky one- I'm a big exerciser but it has been on the backburner a bit. I don't go to bed early enough either because it's the only time I get to myself and with DP...

I try to avoid bringing work home - but I could try and work from home a bit more possibly.

Once she is out of our room next week (we've been having building work done) DP is taking the night shift as he's on SPL at present. I suspect I will still wake up though!

We tried CC with DD1 and she was totally impervious to it, and still woke 3 times a night after she was nightweaned, so it wasn't a magic bullet. I just need to cope with it for the next little while while not dropping any balls.

Dr Jay Gordon method of night weaning (Google it) worked with DS1 but he was over 2 years old by the time I cracked it with him.

DS is 12m now and was 8.5m when I went back- we co-slept for a while which gave us all a bit more sleep then as he got bigger/ more wriggly we had to get more disciplined about putting him down. We did do variations of CIO and it did improve things a lot, we'd only leave him for 5 min stretches then gradually increased the time in between going in. For a while just giving him a cuddle got him off to sleep again. A few weeks ago we weaned him onto cows milk and all of a sudden he started going through the night regularly- maybe it wasn't the milk it was just his age but anyway, it's all a phase, keep working at it!