Help...i want my bed back

[Tinks15]

DD who is 2 next week has always been a poor sleeper, always woke numerous times, cannot self soothe etc, have to sit by her cot for her to go to sleep for her then to wake 3/4 hours later to get in our bed (yes I know - I should never have started this) this started when she was very small so it's something she has always known.
Anyway fast forward to now - I've basically had enough, I want to have a decent night sleep without having to hang off the bed, without waking up because she keeps fidgeting,without constantly getting smacked in the face by an arm - I could go on.
I dont even know if I can change this now?!

How do I even attempt this? How do you teach them to go back to sleep if they wake? Will I even be able to put a stop to this? Sorry for all the questions!

Is she in a cot?

In her room or yours?

Does she have a comforter thing?

And she wakes and you bring her into your bed? What happens if you just, don't?

Yes she is in a cot in her own room, she has a dummy & she was a cuddly bunny.

When she wakes I bring into bed, if I just left her she will just scream & cry for forever. I've tried controlled crying months ago for her bedtime of an evening she just cried & screamed for 1.5 hours i gave in,in the end as I felt mean & i didnt think she'd ever stop. I just reeeeally want to get out of all this now it's getting silly.

I could have written this.
We had 2 very good night's last month when dd stayed in her own cot until after 5am and it was bliss but swiftly went back to bed sharing.
Only difference is dd is still in our room (2 bed house no space). I have no advice sorry. If you come up with a miracle solution please pass it on. (One very tired/fed up mama)

Is she of an age where you've had any tantrums to deal with yet? Because all the bedtime/night time screaming would be is a massive, ginormous, on going tantrum because she's furious at not getting her own way.

If this was any other behaviour issue that toddler was reacting to by tantruming to get her own way, even though you know it isn't good for her, would you give in to get demands?

Let's say (I'm making this up as an example to show a point...) that a child refused breakfast so parent started giving her chocolate for breakfast so that she has something to eat. But as time went on it got more and more out of hand and a year down the line she was eating a whole bar of Dairy Milk every morning and was refusing everything else.

In this situation, a time would come when the parent accepted the habit was very unhealthy and must change. Think how the child would react to being given cereal instead. Huge, red-must furious tantrum I would imagine. And refusal to accept the alternate option, leading to nothing being eaten. Loads of screaming, on going, day after day.

Consider your parenting style in this situation and compare to your sleep situation.

If you were the parent above, would you:

• just give the chocolate so that at least child had something to eat?
• Or stick to your guns completely and let child scream and eat no breakfast rather than have unhealthy habits until child accepts the healthy habits are the only option?
• Or maybe somewhere in the middle - a less ideal solution for breakfast but at least better than a chocolate bar?

With regards to the unwelcome sleep behaviour, and in direct comparison to above, would you:

• just let child sleep with you so that at least child has some sleep?
• Or stick to your guns completely and let child scream and refuse to sleep rather than have unhealthy habits until child accepts the healthy habits are the only option?
• Or maybe somewhere in the middle - a less ideal solution for sleep (like room sharing but not bed sharing) but at least better than co sleeping?

This is just unwelcome behaviour. Like any attempts to change engrained unwelcome behaviour, it's not going to be easy and will lead to a tantrum.

I'm sorry to say that I was in a similar situation and didn't resolve it until Dd was 4.5 and a sticker chart worked (I tried one when she was younger but she wasn't motivated by it).

You will probably be able to train her but it will involve a firm routine and probably a lot of tears. My DD was completely unreasonable and had awful tantrums so I took the path of least resistance.

Could you have a camp bed in her room so you can go into her room and lie down? Just your presence might be enough to soothe her and this also means she will get used to sleeping in her own bed, with you close but not in the same bed. You can start sneaking out when she is calm and sleepy if this begins to work.

Thank you all for your input.

DD is incredibly clingy, I just don't see light at the end of the tunnel anytime soon. I've tried doing controlled crying tonight & she was still going after 1.5 hours, obviously I gave in because i thought it was just cruel to keep going for so long.

So bloody annoyed!

We've had this with our daughter and it helps to remember that they are not babies anymore and are capable of being stubborn to get what they want. This isn't the same as controlled crying with small babies (which we never did). Your DD is doing this becuase she knows if she cries for long enough she'll get out into your bed.

Like any other bad habit you have to help her break it. The only way of doing it is to sit with her in her room until she goes to to sleep in her own bed, doing the gradual retreat (start cuddling, then holding hands, then in the room but not touching, then being just outside the door).

You're not leaving her on her own, and you're not being cruel, you're helping her understand some boundaries, and at that age kids will do anything to try to get what they want.

When we had this with our daughter (and our son) we had a few horrific evenings and middle of the nights and early mornings, where we didn't give in (and it was so hard!). All told it took about a week of what felt like endless tears and crying, but they know now when we say go back to bed it means their own bed and they go back when we ask them to (usually, sometimes we have to go with them and resettle them).

Why don't you bring her cot into your bedroom then? It's a middle-ground option

Yes i could do that I guess, something I really wanted to avoid doing especially as she is such a light sleeper so the slightest noise we'd make would when going to bed etc would probably wake her.

Is her sleeping in a cot in your room a better option than her sleeping in your bed? Or a worse option.

Being strict on staying in her room and then giving in is of no help to either of you. Either do it, or find and alternate solution.