I need help before I go insane from sleep deprivation!

[BreakHerOffAKitKat]

I am looking for some advice on how best to deal with my 16 month DD who has had a complete sleep regression.

Up until 4 months ago, I used to cuddle DD to sleep then put her in her cot asleep, it started taking longer and longer to get her to sleep but once she was asleep, generally she would sleep through but on some nights she would wake several times and would need cuddling back to sleep again.

The night waking became more frequent and the getting her to sleep initially was starting to take longer and longer so much so that our evenings were taken up trying to get her to bed and by the time she was settled and we had done all the things round the house that needed doing it was the middle of the night and we were permanently exhausted!

I realize we had made a rod for our own backs, she didn't know how to self settle and quality time with my DH was suffering.

We decided to try crying it out - the first night was horrendous, by night two she took about 10 minutes to get to sleep and by the third night there was no fuss, no screaming and no waking up screaming in the night. I really can't believe we hadn't tried it sooner, we were all getting great sleep and I thought we had it sussed.

Just over a month ago, DD became very unwell, with breathing difficulties which resulted in several trips to A&E, she was unwell for around a week but has since made a full recovery. However, sleep has been completely disrupted since then, she will not self settle, we have tried the crying it out method from scratch - it is still taking up to 3.5 hours for her to finally give in and go to sleep, she is screaming so much that she is making herself vomit, as soon as we put her down she scrambles back up again and screams and screams until she is sick then she screams some more. We have tried staying in the room - just sitting on a chair or standing over her stroking her chest, we have tried leaving her to cry and coming back in at increased intervals to lay her back down again, nothing is working and is getting worse not better.

She is now also waking consistently every night between 1-2am and 3-4am. I have to get up to get ready for work at 5.30am my DH is up at 6am and it is killing us, I am beyond exhausted and just don't know what to do. I can settle her at the first wake up but it can take between 30mins to an hour but by the 4am wake up I am exhausted so I bring her in to bed with us so I can get a bit of sleep before the alarm goes off. When I take her to bed with us she is asleep instantly and doesn't stir.

I don't know what else to try and I need help! Has anyone had anything similar? What else can I try - it has been coming up to 4 weeks and nothing seems to be working.

Just to add - we have kept the pre-bedtime routine consistent, winding down with quiet cuddles, bottle, story book and cuddle in a dark room until she is drowsy, the issue starts as soon as we get her in to the cot.

Oh God, you have my total sympathy. We had this with DS2 and I did go insane. Sleep deprivation is terrifying. People who haven't experienced it have no idea what it's really like.

It sounds like she may still be in discomfort since the illness. Have you tried raising her mattress a little, giving infacol, using a vaporiser (or the opposite) to make sure the air is the right quality for her breathing to be easy?

Like you we tried exactly what you tired, and always had a quiet winddown routine.

In the end we took DS to sleep with us. Co sleeping was the only way we got any sleep at all for years.

If I had that time again, I'd do it differently. Genuinely, with hindsight, I'd have taken out extra money on the mortgage if we had to and got a medically qualified night nurse, who specialised in sleep problems, twice a week, then taken a sleeping pill myself on those nights so I didn't get worken by the cries. Just two nights unbroken sleep during the week, plus each taking turns to have catch up naps at weekends while the other parent does baby care would make the world of difference.

Could you afford to do this? Would you consider it? You're not being dramatic when you say your sanity is at stake. there's a reason why they use sleep deprivation as a torture. Its very effective.

The only comfort I can give you is that long term we're all fine, very happy, all sorted. But it took its toll physically and mentally. I'd not try and last it out without help again if there were any other option.

Maybe try something like this?
Night Nannies

What else can I try... nothing seems to be working.

You answered yourself:

When I take her to bed with us she is asleep instantly and doesn't stir.

There is your answer.

The easiest option that will get you the most sleep is to sleep with her. Anything else is going to be very hard work and exhausting and require absolute consistancy, even in the middle of the night. Do you realistically have the energy for that? Because there is no magic wand. Even paying someone to come and solve this wont suddenly make it all easy.

If sleeping in your bed isn't possible, here are some options that allow for your reassuring presence, but in a different way:

• move the cot to next to your bed
• move the cot next to your bed, take one side off the cot and wedge it to your bed to make a sidecar space for her just off the side of your bed
• put a single bed mattress (or double if space) on the floor of baby's bedroom. Ditch the cot. Sleep with baby on the floor bed
• put a spare bed in the the baby's room. Sidecar the cot to the spare bed. Sleep in the baby's room on the bed

I'd stop and co sleep for awhile when she first wakes at night until she's fully recovered. She's over tired now and probably full of cortisol which won't help. Wait awhile, regroup and then try again.

Thank you all so much for your replies.

I don't think a night nurse is going to be financially viable unfortunately.

I think you are all right, for the sake of our sanity co-sleeping may be the way forward at least for the time being until we all feel like fully functioning human beings again and we can re-address the situation then.

Well, I think my DD must be on Mumsnet! Since I posted she's like a different baby, she's going to sleep within minutes of being put to bed with just a little whimpering and no crying. She's now not waking until 4am and at that point I'm bringing her back to bed with me and she'll go straight back to sleep until 5.30 - fingers crossed it lasts!!!

Ahhh that's great.