Self settling/rocking to sleep

[nushkar]

Hi

I'm a first time mum with a DD of almost 12 weeks.

I usually wind up putting her down for naps and sleeps by rocking her whilst walking. This is already getting difficult as she's a chunky little one. I've read so much about putting her down whilst she's drowsy but awake but I simply don't know how to action it. If I do that, she winds up crying or fully awake again and we are back at square one. The last few days have been more random than usual and she's begun to want to fall asleep on the boob so sometimes she'll shriek in my arms as I'm rocking her until I put her back on the boob, whereupon she'll fall asleep in a bit.

I feel really overwhelmed and under pressure (granted, I put myself under it) to break the rocking habit and teach her how to self settle. One blog I read said it's vital to teach them now else it becomes harder later and it will prevent her from sleeping through the night. It's making me feel rather low as I think I'm not coping well with how unpredictable and random her sleep is.

Does anyone have any advice or instructions on how to transition from rocking to getting her to self settle successfully? Or am I worrying about this too early?

Thanks in advance

Oh I should add that she sleeps in a sleeping bag and has never liked swaddling so I find shush pat difficult to implement. She also just doesn't sleep to be affected by the shushing and patting.

The key is to understanding that self settling doesn't mean no comfort, it means baby learning (through a gradual process) ways to settle independantly, as opposed to being comforted by the parent.

I would try a dummy first and foremost, an important tool for independant settling. It's a replacement for the parent-led option of breastfeeding to sleep.

The next is accepting that baby needs extra help than just sucking.

One way of doing that is creating womb-like conditions: a swaddle to enclosed, you lying cuddling close to baby for reassurance, your touch, dark, quiet. Plus the dummy. I tend to do this at night (with a sidecar cot, because I'm not a fan of cosleeping)

In the daytime, extra comfort can come in the form of movement. Not unusual for daytime naps to be harder than night sleep. But there are methods to allow for novement to get to sleep that are more independant than others.

Rocking to sleep isn't a great habit because the dependence that forms is more about being close to you, being held. More so than the moving. Better is to find ways of allowing movement to slerp that do not require being held.

My biggest recommendation would be a bouncy chair for naps. You just put baby in the bouncer when ready for a nap, place bouncer at your feet as you sit on the sofa. Then just relentlessly bounce (and dummy reinsert as needed) constantly and rhythmically until asleep.

Over the coming 2 or 3 months you can start to reduce how much bouncing is needed to get baby to sleep. Also use the movement to help baby extend naps.

Then once naps start extending (around the 6m mark), move daytime naps into the cot, like night time sleep.

Also worth bearing in mind that you need to restrict awake time. At 12 weeks baby may only want 60 minutes awake time between naps. In the range of 40-80m. This will help baby not get over tired.

It's all trial and error isn't it, constant trouble shooting and problem solving whilst sleep deprived and overwhelmed as a first time mum myself. All I can say is my DD wanted rocking shhhing patting boob around development leaps and now it's become an ingrained habit for every sleep time. Its exhausting. I have realised it would have been better to sort it sooner to find easier ways for her to settle e.g white noise and/or dummy. I was hoping she would grow out of it by now but it's not the case bless her, so much growing up and changes in the first year, they need comfort and lots of it and you need some sleep or a break at least... Don't be pressured by anyone-i did and I became more stessed, so did DD and I did things I regret. We will all get there eventually, some sooner, some later. Take heart, listen to your gut instinct x

I do recommend the wonder weeks book or app as this explains and preps you for developmental leaps which also contribute to sleep disturbances or changes. It helps reassure me it will pass and embrace it more with an open mind and plan for more support around those times in particular. I meant to say my DD is now eight months and still requires shhhing patting rocking and feeding all at once to fall asleep. I do wish I found alternatives sooner as now I dread making changes or weaning her off it all... I'm trying to rock less each day, little by little lol x

Kellymom is a great website too x

Thank you Fate and Naomilee!

Coincidentally I had just bought the Wonder Weeks book and she is going through a leap just now which explains the changes somewhat.

Fate, do you recommend the dummy even with the often heard complaint that they start to wake up in the night to look for the dummy?

Naomi, it's really tough isn't it and you have my sympathies. It can't be easy to rock an 8 month old. It's hard to know what is best to do especially when sometimes you have to do what it takes to get some rest. I hope you have luck weaning your LO off the rocking!

I would ALWAYS recommend a dummy.

Dummies are the single most vital tool for no-crying independant sleep.

Dummies are AMAZING.

Babies cannot put their own dummies in until around 7-10 months old. This is a fact. They don't affect how often a baby wakes up. They just make it much quicker and easier to go back to sleep when they do wake.

No it's not as easy as it was that's for sure. She's getting big and my back was breaking so now I've resorted to BF her to sleep as well as rocking, patting, white noise, shhhing AND she naps on me, I know not fantastic I know, but for the sake of peace and consoling that's what we did and still do... I've done every don't and shouldn't according to 'experts'... Ah well, who was I to know? Fortunately I've embraced it more and doing 'weaning' as I find other methods too harsh for me and my LO. If I could do it again I would definitely try harder with the dummy, that's all I can say x

Hi nush try not to worry about it! Habits can be broken but when you're sleep deprived with a fussy clingy baby to deal with it's understandable to go with whatever is necessary to get them to sleep! 3 months is still early days. I think it's still a good idea to have a little bedtime routine, as baby comes to link it with going to sleep for the night. But I would start this when your DD starts to show that she's ready to sleep for a decent chunk any time after 6-8pm. With DD1 this was around 12 weeks. DD2 is nearly 7 months and we've only started in the last month or so as she was very unsettled in the evenings before that.

I would then keep trying to put baby down in the cot after a little bedtime routine. It may not work at first and if you need to rock to sleep etc so be it! But with time you'll have some nights where she's more relaxed and it does work! The key is to keep trying.

Regarding dummies there are ways you can help them to reinsert them by themselves. When baby is able to grip, put the dummy in her hand during the day so she can practise putting it in. We have MAM glow in the dark dummies and leave them scattered around the cot. You can also get comforters to attach them to.

I use a white noise app to get my baby to sleep along with shushing when she cries. The genial thing about shushing is that this alone is sometimes enough to reassure the baby if she wakes up in the night so I don't have to move from bed! Even easier than a dummy insert!

It will get easier but teaching good sleeping habits takes a lot of time and patience but it generally pays off in the end!

I wouldn't put yourself under pressure to develop self settling so early. We left it til 6 months and they caught on pretty quickly. It's hard to teach self settling when they are little as their naps as pretty short and frequent, so it feels like you are doing it constantly.

We found that walks in the pray in the day got nice long naps and then they would stay asleep cosied up once we got home.