non sleeping toddler hell

[sleephellllllllllll]

My 2.7 yo DD (not sure about the dear atm) has gone from sleeping really well to fighting it and us completely. When we've had blips in the past we've used rapid return which has always worked. She has had the side off her cot for months as she is tall and was climbing. It actually made her like bed more.
Last week, after the heatwave, she just refused to go down at bedtime. We must have returned her to bed at least 60 times in quick succession (also with periods of taking a step back because we didn't know what the hell to do) the first night and she gave in around 10pm. The next night was the same but she didn't cry at all, just running back to the gate at her door. In the end we went downstairs for a little while, I returned and pottered around whilst ignoring her. She got upset, I put her down, she fell asleep. The third night, she just wouldn't stay in bed. We were worried about separation anxiety so thought gradual retreat would work. It did, but then she started waking in the night and we were trying gradual retreat for hours. We've given in and slept on her floor but she doesn't really sleep with us in the room (I was in there lying on the floor 3-5am before she slept).
We are at the end of our teather so controlled crying seems like the way to go. We have made a simple sticker chart with a picture of a toothbrush (easily achievable), a bed and gro clock. We have gone over the what they mean with her, shown her the toys she can get as a reward and gone over and over it with her. She understands it.
Her bedtime routine is fine, she gets pyjamas on, uses the potty, has milk, cleans her teeth, turn on fairy lights, 3 stories, then battle commences. The first night I put her down at 6.20, she fell asleep at 11pm. Last night she fell asleep at 10 but woke at 1.30 and we haven't got her back down since.
Ani know this is long so appreciate anyone getting through it all. HELP PLEASE

I have no advice for you but want you to know we are going through the same thing. I had to sleep downstairs with earplugs in last night and my husband had to keep going in to settle her. I just cave and end up sleeping on her floor otherwise. Haven't had a proper nights sleep in a few weeks. Sorry I've no tips - but I feel your pain! x

I did the same last night. We're taking it in turns to sleep away from her so at least one of us gets a good night's sleep. Don't want to but controlled crying may go to cry it out if it doesn't get any better.
She is still awake, not even going to try a nap today. Good luck for tonight

Is it time to transition out of the nap?

Maybe, she's been in nursery the last 3 days and has napped there with no problems but must have been exhausted. She isn't back in nursery until Tuesday and I don't plan on giving her naps this weekend. She was regularly sleeping 2 hours in the day before all this started. Would the naps get shorter before dropping or is it just night time hell which prompts dropping them?

Evening messing around is the prompt to start dropping the lunchtime nap. But I wouldn't do it cold turkey. We've taken a long, long time 6-12 months) to go from starting to dropping the nap to it not being needed at all.

For example, maybe you have one day of no nap, followed by 3 or 4 days of normal lunchtime nap to "recover". Then maybe no nap for two days in a row, with a day or two of normal nap in between. Then maybe limited length of the occassional nap, say 90m max.

Then I'd move to sofa quiet time. A blanket and cushion on the sofa, tv on but with mo expectation to sleep. So child can sleep if she wants/needs. But otherwise has an hour if quiet rest time.

Having said all that, I'd say most of your problems are due to taking the sides off the cot too soon. It shouldn't be a battle. The transition from cot to bed doesn't need to create any drama like this, if it waits until baby is ready rather than forcing the is due early.

My children have all been over 3 before out of the cot (I might add that they've all been talk for their age toddlers too). The cot climbing is a behaviour issue. Instead of bypassing the bad behaviour by removing the cot sides - you could tackle the bad behaviour head on and set clear boundaries and expectations for behaviour.

I like the plan for reducing naps. I don't know about taking the side off the cot as a cause, they've been off for a few month. She loves being able to climb in and slept really well with the side off until last week. I can't put the sides back on now. She would hate it and bedtime would be even worse

I'm sorry, I don't really have any tips; I'm reading this thread with interest though as DS2.2 has gotten very difficult to get to sleep. He just seems to have a problem switching off and winding down; we have pretty much cut out daytime naps as he has the same problem in the middle of the day and, by the time he is ready to sleep (after maybe an hour in his cot), it's time to get him up again or he will never get to sleep that evening.
In all honestly, he is a very easy going happy little boy and will spend the hour or so it takes him to unwind pottering around his cot, mostly happily, but, at the same time, he needs to be asleep for that hour in order to get all the sleep he needs. I have tried putting him down earlier so that the hour unwinding doesn't eat into his sleeptime, but he gets quite upset when I do that; I guess he doesn't feel ready to go to bed at that point.
They are having the same problem in his nursery with him so it isn't just me!
The one thing that seems to help a little is if I lie down on my bed with him for a cuddle before putting him into the cot; it seems to help him unwind. But while I'm happy to do that for 5-10mins; most nights, he would need longer that that to fully relax and I really don't want to get into that habit; especially with a new baby due in a few months.

It is the light so late and the heat. DD is sleeping approx 11pm-9am at the moment.

Do you think it makes that much of a difference Squashed? We have blackout blinds everywhere upstairs so its not that much brighter at the minute, and it's not particularly warm either where we are. Plus its been going on for a couple of months now. But thanks for the suggestion, everything is worth considering.