Is this normal for a 12 week old?

[BipBippadotta]

Everyone I've met who has a baby the same age as mine claims theirs sleeps 10-12 hours at night, uninterrupted. They're lying, right?

Ds is up 3-4 times a night (bed at 9:30, wakes at 1, 3, & 4:30 then up for the day at 5:30). Until about 6-7 weeks he woke every 1.5 hours and took 45 mins to resettle - so we're at least making definite progress!

But people at this baby group looked at me with pity and concern when they learned I wasn't getting leisurely 12 hour sleeps. Lots of 'oh how awful for you - have you spoken to the HV?'

I was kind of surprised. I mean, he's not in pain. He doesn't have reflux or colic, he doesn't even cry particularly, he just flings himself around his cot until he wakes up babbling. Sometimes he's hungry and I feed him, sometimes he just needs a little chat. He sleeps sporadically during the day -
some catnaps, some longer ones. No particular pattern to them yet.

I'm hoping if he really is as sleep-backwards as these well-rested mums suggest the 4 month regression won't make too much difference... anyone else in a similar position?

I'd be amazed if their babies sleep for so long. Mine didn't sleep through til much much older & would wake up 3 or 4 times each night.
Congrats on your beautiful baby

Hmm. I would say waking up is not unusual per se. But both my boys by this age (younger one is 11 weeks) distinguished night from day so if they woke up for a feed would go straight back down and no waking for a feed/chatting. Both also roughly had 3 naps a day by this stage.

I've got three DC and I would say that your DS's sleep is a bit worse than average for his age - but completely within the normal range! Congratulations btw

You are right. They are lying. Babies that age are NOT programmed to sleep 10 -12 hrs straight.

Sounds like you are doing a grand job with yours.

Thanks!

He settles again quickly, thankfully. But he does wake himself up thrashing about. Have tried swaddling a number of times but he busts his arms out within minutes (have tried all the heavy duty Velcro swaddlers to no avail). I suspect he might just have very strong reflexes - his dad is constantly startling and twitching himself (and me) awake at night. Maybe I just need to learn to sleep through it!

They're lying, right?

No.

I find parents of non-sleepers tend to fall into two categories. They either glory in how little their baby sleeps, if asked. Or they just avoid the conversation and smile and nod.

Those who have babies sleeping 11-12h are not lying, why would they? Such babies are not uncommon. But I doubt it's everyone, just all of the vocal ones you have come across.

I would also bear in mind that I would have considered my youngest to be an excellent sleeper. If asked at 12 weeks I'd have gushed about how great she is with her sleep. But she wasn't sleeping 11h uninterputed consistantly until 12 months. I wasn't lying about her being a great sleeper though. It's just experience has given me very realistic expectations of what good looks like.

If you are asking / talking to lots of people about sleep issues, they probably just don't want to get into an in-depth conversation about it. So are doing their best to side-step and cut the conversation short.

How a parent approaches baby sleep brings out the worst in judgemental and/or competitive parenting. It's never an easy issue to have an open and honest conversation about.

Our dd is 10.5 weeks and wakes 2 or 3 times a night. On a good day night she'll sleep a 5 hour block, but usually she does 10 - 2 then 3.30 - 5.30 and 6.30 - 7.30.
She is having a growth spurt at the moment I think so feeding a lot and has been having more naps in the day. They're so young, we have to be led by them really and I doubt very much they would sleep 10 hours. Dd is breast fed on demand so I would worry if she went that long anyway.

I was told by ante natal class that after 6 weeks they could sleep as many weeks as they were old.
And - sorry - but yes, by 3 months old my DC all slept 7pm to 7am.

They might not be lying. Mine slept through as long as we did a dream feed sometime between 11pm and 1am, and then again at 5am. (We tried to predict when he would wake because he was hungry and feed him before he woke up) then dropped the 5am, then the 11pm. Sleeping through at 4 months.

I didn't like it when people at baby groups asked me how he was sleeping though. It was great that he slept (and still does) but, you feel really bad for those who's babies don't. No sleep is horrible.

Can you try the dreaded Gina Ford routine?

I'm not trying to glory in how little he sleeps, I promise! I didn't even think it was a problem until I got the sad faces from the other mothers, hence my slight concern.

I hope I'm not being a sleep bore either - but I've been to a couple of groups now & the only topics of conversation seem to be poo and sleep and teething and weaning, and with nothing to add yet on teething or weaning I'm limited to poo and sleep.

I'm not trying to glory in how little he sleeps

Sorry op, I didn't mean to suggest you were. Just that those who don't tend to be in the "smile and nod" category, so you won't get their vocal opinions. It gives a skewed view of opinions.

I do think your baby sounds completely normal for 12 weeks!

wow amazed at sleeping through by 12 weeks. Mine were closer to a year (and later for no 2 but turned out to have sleep apnea.)

Can't imagine how much easier idbhave found parenting with sleep!!!
OP your baby sounds completely norm to me :)

I have twins. Mine didn't sleep through until about a year. Possibly longer. I did a lot of groups and some mums lie. Some make it a big show about good their baby is, how well they are doing. Under the surface they are all struggling with sleep and what is or isn't usual.
All babies are different so sleep when you can, forget housework, so online shopping and enjoy that time. It flies.

I think there's a broad range of normal, and your baby is towards the more sleep-depriving end of that range. My first baby was sleeping midnight to 6am at 8 weeks, 2nd did that at 11 weeks and 3rd at 16 weeks. None did a 12 hr stretch till they were eating meat at supper time. So 6,7 and 10 months respectively. Speaking to other parents this seems slightly easier than average. Little babies need feeding and cuddling in the night.

Their babies are sleeping through now but there is every chance that will change. My ds did a good 10 hours at that age but around 8 months started waking frequently and never had more than 30 min nap.

Your baby is totally and you sound like you're managing it brilliantly.

Totally normal that should say.

Talking of sleep, time to log off...

At 12 weeks my dd slept (imo!) brilliantly. Up once, easy to settle etc. I smugly said to my NCT friends (of my older dc) that I thought I had a sleeper.

Fast forward 6 months and sleep is now a distant memory 😩😢

Can't imagine how much easier idbhave found parenting with sleep

It makes a huge difference.

DC3 was sleeping two 6h blocks from birth - literally every night from the first night he was born. By 4 weeks old I'd introduced a dreamfeed so he was sleeping 4h and 8h blocks over night. By 6 weeks I dropped the dream feed and by 7 weeks he was going to sleep at 7pm and not waking again until 7am the following morning.

His sleep never regressed, deteriated or changed. Aside from occassional illnesses, he never woke in the night after being 2 months old.

I have four children though. None of the other three were this easy.

Your experience sounds pretty tough to me - well done for just getting on with it! My son is about your baby's age and we've only had the kind of night you describe a handful of times since his birth. Mostly he wakes up once between 11pm-5/6am, twice if we're unlucky. (That's after sleeping 7pm-10pm fairly reliably.) No signs that he's ready to sleep through yet alas, he's still hungry by 3am ish and gulping down his 7am feed too.

However his day sleeping is a nightmare so you can never have it all!!

Wow cuppa that is seriously lucky!!

I think those with non sleepers need to be less hard on themselves (I wish I had been! I was exhausted but would compare myself to mums whose baby's were only waking once or twice...!)

As the Mum of a sleeper I used to dread this question. I learned to late that I should have lied. Dd started sleeping 8 hours from 5 weeks old and never deviated from that. So when at baby groups when the question would be inevitably asked I would be truthful and say how lucky I knew I was. People were not always kind to be honest. I wish I had lied and said she was up all night.

I learned to late that I should have lied

I can so identify with this. Except my sleeper was #3 so I already knew I needed to either lie about it, or just give a non committal "alright" to the question of how baby sleeps.

If you don't lie about how well baby sleep, most people assume you are lying! Bizarre situation, I cant think of another one like it.

It is endemic on mumsnet that if you say baby is sleeping through and baby is younger than 6 months (let alone a few weeks) them you must:

• be lying
• be meaning a 6h stretch because you cannot possibly really mean sleeping 12h
• both. Probably both (!)

You can get massive long threads with loads of reaffirming the fact these parents just lie. And how terrible it is that they lie. And why would they. And how this affects expectations.

When in actual fact, a person with a sleeper is more likely to realise their life at playgroup is easier if they just lie about how well baby sleeps. Or smile, nod and offer sympathy without divulging much.

Fact is, just difficult sleepers are very common. Natural sleepers are too. If no-one needed to lie or was assumed to be lying maybe the dialogue (and in turn expectations) would be more realistic?

Hi
Mine is 12 weeks too and sleeps very similar to yours - I think it's ok to be fair.

I have been in a worse place sleep wise with my first who didn't sleep through til 14months and for a big chunk of that time I was up most of the night and then trying to conduct myself professionally full time in a high pressure job! Nearly broke me!

The strange thing about my second is that he wakes but doesn't want food. My first used to feed to sleep until 5.5 months but this one is different?! If I try to feed in the night it makes him more frantic.

Day time naps are good in the bouncing seat or the car.

Ignore others because everyone is different (babies as little people!) and you will probably get another area where yours is easier. My first awful sleeper has always eaten like a dream and will eat full meld of whatever I give her so swings and roundabouts!!

Take care xx

I have this in my antenatal group - the majority say there baby sleep through the night! Yours sounds similar to mine! He's 14 weeks and up until I changed a couple of things he was waking after 3.5hrs, 3hrs, 2hrs, 2hrs, 1.5hrs roughly and on a good night! Mine can't sleep on his back without the Miracle Swaddle because of his strong startle reflex so maybe try that. I've only recently got him to feed in the day time every 2.5/3hrs and all because I went up a size with the bottle teat (he's now on a 2). Before he never finished a bottle and would takes ages to drink and wriggle around - 60-90mls. Now he drinks (inc winding) in 10mins and practically empties the bottle each time. This change in teat has made a huge difference to his night time sleep - he's currently still asleep at the 5hr mark 🙂! Hope this helps!