How do you settle your baby for daytime naps?

[Cuppaqueen]

Help! My 10-week-old son has recently become a nightmare to settle for his daytime naps I used to be able to just pop him in his pram when drowsy (often after a feed) and he would sleep ... not any more. He's super alert and interested in everything, and really fights sleep even when he's tired. I try to calm and settle him as soon as I see him looking sleepy but it still takes at least 10-15 mins of intense rocking/ jigging/ patting or 15-20 mins of bouncing in bouncer to get him to sleep - with him crying most of that time even as his eyes are drooping! If I miss his first sleepy cues, then it can take even longer, and if he then wakes early from the nap - MELTDOWN.

He detests slings/ carrier, is unmoved by cars or pram trips, and doesn't care for a dummy. I have to literally hold it in his mouth for him and that's not compatible with rocking or bouncing him at the same time. So it's generally just good for taxi or train trips as a means of keeping him quiet (but not asleep). Even boob only works half the time, usually only if he's already overtired.

Any advice? I have tried shortening his awake time - currently about 90 mins in the morning, a little longer in the afternoon. I also hug and read to him to wind down before attempting to get him to sleep. (I should say he sleeps great at night; we sometimes have issues getting him down at 7pm ish bedtime but later in the night, he settles easily if he wakes.) I'm just tired of fighting a crying, screaming baby 3-4 times per day when he just needs his nap!

it still takes at least...15-20 mins of bouncing in bouncer

This is what I do with my 9 month old! I can do it in 10 if I manage to hit the knife-edge window of opportunity when she's peak-sleepy but not yet gone hyper. Usually takes longer though. As I type I've been bouncing for 25 minutes because she's learned to sit up in the sodding bouncey chair.

So I sympathise, but that doesn't help you.

She doesn't cry though. That must be pretty horrible.

I'd suggest you need to shorten awake times further still. I would aim for no more than 90 minutes - more in the range of 50-80 minutes.

Also factor the time it takes you to get baby to sleep into your awake time. So if it's taking 15-20 minutes to get baby to sleep, it would not be unreasonable to be getting baby back to sleep only 40-60 minutes after waking. Then on from that, if a feed takes you, say, 15-20 minutes to give too, this further cuts down your play time. So it could be a case of:

Wake
15-20 minutes for a feed
20-40 minutes play time
15-20 minutes settling to sleep
Asleep

I have an 11 week old, and our situation sounds v similar. I have been quite determined to get him napping in cot, so have been persevering with it, and it's improved, but still often takes 20 mins to fall asleep with lots of shushing and a hand on chest. I think unfortunately that is just how it has to be unless you're prepared to offer sleep crutches like bouncy chair or whatever, which I didn't want to get into. I'm hoping that keeping it simple and teaching him to sleep in cot will pay off in the end and he will learn to self settle.

I also used to use a dummy on occasion, but he never really took to it, and holding it in his mouth/constantly replacing seemed both wrong (since he obviously didn't want it) and pointless. So again in the interests of simplicity and consistency, I ditched it.

I go for a very consistent routine- into darkened room, into sleeping bag, then a lullaby and into cot. I think he is starting to understand what the routine means, and settling him is gradually becoming easier, assuming I don't miss the tired window.

Sorry, this probably isn't much help. Just wanted to say that sadly I don't think there is a magic trick unless you are prepared to use sleep crutches, and I think 20 mins to settle is not unusual at this age, and they are very likely to need some help (for me, hand on chest and shhh).

Thanks everyone! For the useful advice and the reassurance that it's not just me being inept

DS has just dropped off in the bouncer after 20 mins but mostly without crying. That's still 90+ mins after he last woke so I'll try to settle him a little earlier, good suggestion Fate, thanks. I managed to rock him to sleep in 5 mins this morning after he'd been awake for 80 mins and he went back down in his cot so I got an extra nap myself, brilliant. I think maybe I have been pushing his awake window a bit far. That said, I did try him at 60 mins ish and he was wide awake still, lol. He just finds the world too interesting at the moment!

Saz - is that for daytime naps too? I'm keeping baby in the same room as me during the daytime so he's in bouncer or pram bassinet (he goes down fine in the cot by himself at night with minimal rocking). If I put him in the pram during the day he'll be fine till he gets bored/ tired and then he'll wail ... patting/shushing doesn't seem to work unless he's already sleepy (e.g. to settle him if he wakes in the middle of a nap). Do you start the patting from as soon as your baby goes down? And what do you do if cries?

I do want to help DS self-settle but since he does so at night I think maybe a bit of help in the day is okay?

I put her in her pushchair, dummy, comforter (muslin square) and cover the pushchair with the snoozeshade so she can't see out and also gets a darkened area. Nursery do this for us too (cheap stroller for naps/town trips so leave at nursery all week)

Can you BF lying down? Could you try one nap a day lying down in your bed, fed to sleep? I do it with my 2 and it's the highlight of my day - they have a good sleep and I get to lie down!

Watching with interest. We have the same issue, and at 15 weeks it seems to get worse, not better, despite having read and tried pretty much every book and every trick on the internet.

We usually succeed with rocking/bouncing (although more often than not after much screaming), but sometimes I need to feed her to sleep.

I can BF lying down and love it BUT 1) he's a puker so I have to put him upright afterwards for 10 mins ish or he'll be miserable, and 2) BF to sleep doesn't reliably work any more unless he's already knackered. I guess I've been too successful breaking the link between boob and sleep for my own good! Even if he did fall asleep, he'd wake up again crying in 10 mins or so when the burps/ milk comes back up.

Right now he's been awake for 100 mins, 'winding down' for the last 30 minutes, bouncing the last 15 and only just getting droopy lids. Not crying though so that's good - the three naps earlier today must have helped. Just a pity they were short ... but I guess that's a whole other issue

Aaargh, double helix, don't say it gets WORSE!!!!! 😧😧😧😧

Just a pity they were short ... but I guess that's a whole other issue

On the contrary, it's probably the same issue. If naps are short then awake time wants to be even less.

Good sleep results in even better sleep
Poor sleep results in even worse sleep.

You are, a baby getting plenty of sleep (over 24 hours) if likely to be much easier to get to sleep, will find it easier getting into the deep sleep phase and will be much less likely to wake. So you end up with an increasing cycle of better and better quality sleep.

Unfortunately the opposite is also true. A baby not getting enough sleep will find it much harder to get to sleep. Then once asleep is likely to stay in the light sleeping phase for more time and so while light sleeping, is much more likely to be woken by something. So you end up in an over tiredness cycle where poor sleep is giving rise to worse quality sleep.

I did try him at 60 mins ish and he was wide awake still

He might have been wide awake. But it is also worth bearing in mind that an over-tired child takes on a "wired" look - wide eyed, a bit hyper, squeely and in preverbal babies some frantic movements.

An untrained eye could easily assume the over-tired baby is full of energy and wide awake with no chance of sleep. I'm actual fact, while getting baby to sleep when at this wired stage is very difficult, it is exactly what is needed.

It depends on your child though. He may well not be tired after 60 minutes awake time. Maybe he had a good solid block of sleep at night and lots of long naps previously. In which case absolutely 60mins awake time is too short.

But if you've had a baby with a significantly broken nights sleep, maybe a period of awake time in the night, short (30m or less) nap and extended awake times - the balance of probability would be that baby is in fact sleep deprived and exhausted and while might be difficult to get to sleep after 60m awake time, probably needs it.

Sorry Cuppaqueen I did not mean to scare you even more!! I'm sure your child will sleep like a baby angel in no time 🙂

Yes, I do that routine for every nap, and add in bath, soothing music and a milk feed for bedtime.

He naps in a separate room which I know is against aids guidelines, but it's right next door to where I spend his nap time, and I leave the door open. I wanted him to learn that dark, white noise and cot mean sleep from early on. It may be fluke, but the last couple of days he's actually dropped off by himself in 10 mins - no soothing needed.

I don't pat, as I found it confusing - when to start/stop, I didn't like propping him on side, terrible for your back to spend so long bending over the cot, I sometimes thought he was finding it stimulating etc etc. So instead I just put my hand on his chest through the bars of the cot - i bunk it's more soothing. I have a chair there and can sit and shh close to his ear. I think he's learning, but it's taken a few weeks of relentless consistency.

Thanks Fate - that all makes sense. I'll take his night sleep/ previous naps into account when trying to get him down. At the moment 70-80 mins awake seems to be a sweet spot for helping him nap without crying - although it still takes a while! But I can deal with that if he's not upset.

I think part of the issue might be that he's teething Early I know but apparently his dad cut his first tooth at 3 months and he's showing a lot of signs - drooly, rubbing and tugging at his ear/ eye, rosy cheek etc. It doesn't seem to bother him much when he's awake - easily distracted I guess - but when he gets tired I think it's another thing stopping him going to sleep. I've given him calpol at bedtime the last 2 nights which helps but he's still waking earlier in the night and needing comforting back to sleep (sometimes shush/pat, sometimes cuddles, no boob until 4/5am when he starts to get peckish if awake).

Saz - I'd love to put him in his cot for all naps but too anxiety-ridden I do settle him in a darkened room for his 7pm bedtime but bring him back into the lounge when sleepy. I guess the upside is he will sleep anywhere provided he's tired enough!