waking after one cycle and screaming

[TiredNConfused]

My 17 week old had never been a great sleeper, but I stopped feeding to sleep at 13 weeks and he got much better- only waking 3 times a night and able to go to sleep on his own.
Cue the 4 month regression I guess, as for the last week he has been waking 40 minutes after going to sleep at night and screaming for hours. I don't want to take him out if he bedroom because I don't want him to think it's party time, but I have tried feeding him, cuddling him etc but he just keeps screaming.
He did have a week of being uncomfortable with some early teething, but that doesn't seem to be happening anymore.
He is fine going to sleep alone in his cot for his naps.
So daily routine is usually:
6am wake up
7:30-8 nap for 1 1/2 hours
12- nap for 1/12 to 2 hours
4- nap for an hour till 5
7- bedtime.

This is a routine he got himself into IYSWIM. I don't mind feeding him at night, but I don't understand this screaming and it's really upsetting. My husband wants to leave him to cry, he says doing anything else will teach him that we come when he cries so he will cry. Leaving him to scream for hours is not an option for me. At the moment I am trying PU/PD (on the second night) but I think it just works when he gets totally exhausted.
Oh and he is exclusively breast fed and I don't want to introduce formula.
If anyone has any ideas I would really appreciate it!

Wind? That was my DM's reason for every single one of DC's cries but it could be true here. I was scared to wind DD for fear of waking her up more but once I had got that burp out she slept for much longer.

teach him that we come when he cries so he will cry

What other way does he have to communicate to you that he needs you to come? An under 6 month old (12 month old really) that cries does have a need that he is trying to communicate to you

The first thing I would suggest is more milk during the day - more milk is usually the answer to most things.

The second thing would be to offer more help to get baby to sleep - a dummy is the simplest answer to offer baby independant comfort without crying.

You're completely right, leaving him to scream isn't an option. Before 6 months, if baby is crying it's because he needs something not wants something. There's a lot of articles you can show DP that show you cannot spoil a newborn attention wise. They are not able to make the connection that crying gets attention before 6 months, only that crying gets them what they need: be that a cuddle (comfort is a need for a newborn not a want), food etc.

He will be screaming due to overtiredness more than likely? How does he sleep during the day? Sleep breeds sleep for newborns so the better he sleeps in the day the better he will sleep at night.

The general advice for dealing with the 4 month sleeping regression is to throw everything at the issue to get LO to sleep and then begin to slowly take them away one by one (if need be) so that LO learns to sleep and soothe without them. Some things that can help are: white noise (magical, Ewan the Dream Sheep is fab, it has womb sounds), a dummy (what a terrible parent I am) sucking is a huge comfort to babies, a comforter, a projector with a lullaby.

Some of these things you may not necessarily need to take away such as the Dream Sheep. My son now just takes comfort from the fact that he teddy is there regardless of whether it's on or not.

Also, how is your bedtime routine? Stick to it to the letter no matter what. That is going to be instrumental in your LO associating the routine with sleep.

Thank you for responses.
I completely agree it is a need, I just need to figure out what he needs! I have shown DH articles books etc, but he can be stubborn.
I don't think its wind (although I needed that advice around the second month! ) and he sucks his thumb happily to go to sleep during the day.
Bedtime routine is bath, feed, books,song. I put a fan in his room last night and it did seem a little easier for him (cooler or the white noise helped?).
Anyway, I will keep persevering with the cuddles and feeds and burping and we are making a comforter smell of me and milk today- which might help.
Thanks for listening!

Your dh is a dick. The baby is 4 months old, not 4 years old.

but I have tried feeding him, cuddling him etc but he just keeps screaming.

Is he not feeding to sleep? Feeding to sleep (and then not being moved) should be a fail-safe for getting a baby this young to sleep.

I just need to figure out what he needs

The basic needs for a baby are calories and sleep. Secondary are the needs to be comfortable (right temperature, not dirty nappy, not in pain) and secure.

In order to help baby get to sleep (which becomes an active endeavour after 4 months), try as many of the following happening simultaneously:

● Comfort sucking

• dummy
• feeding to sleep

● Movement

• rocking / swaying in your arms
• bouncy chair (not at night time)
• pushchair (not at night time)
• sling (not at night time)
• rocking crib

● Secure, protected, comforted feeling

• co sleeping
• cuddling into a sidecar cot
• cuddle to sleep in your arms
• swaddling recreates the secure feeling, in a young baby
• touch (hand on chest, stroking, patting)
• eye contact, physically close, shushing

Some of these are more conducive to independant sleeping than others are. You will need to help baby get to sleep though, possibly lots of help, and it will be something you need to do actively.

There's no reason for a 4 month old to cry to go to sleep. I don't say this to be snotty or judgmental about it, more because as a first time mum I didn't realise this. I used to wonder if maybe crying and battling to get baby to sleep was what happened normally. It isn't though - if baby is crying when going to sleep then you need to do things differently, try something more or different.

A baby who is not hungry feels comforted, secure and comforted will have a way to get to sleep without crying. You just have to find it (try a dummy and lying down together eye-to-eye)

So daily routine is usually:

Awake time is very long on that routine. It's a great routine for a 6 month old who's mostly sleeping through 12 hours at night. It's not appropriate for a baby with broken nights sleep - baby may well be over tired.

I'd suggest limiting awake time between daytime naps to 90 minutes maximum.

And feed feed feed and feed some more throughout the day.

Thank you FATE for your helpful responses. He isn't feeding to sleep when he wakes up, mainly because it is only 40 mins after he has gone to sleep, so he isn't hungry enough to feed enough (if you see what I mean? He feeds to sleep fine at all other night wake ups) but I totally take on board the awake time, and I will try to cut that down with as many feeds as possible during he day.
I will also try lying down with him, as we used to co-sleep and that may help him nod off. We only stopped co-sleeping because he slept better alone in his crib! This sleep thing is tough to figure out the first time round! I suppose my confusion lies in the fact that he is happy going to sleep at all other times, so maybe it really is just comfort and security that he needs. And some extra snuggles never hurt anyone!