5yo DD - reluctant sleeper. What can I do?

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

My daughter is almost 5. Ever since she was born she's been a reluctant sleeper. Fighting sleep even as a very newborn, never napped for longer than about 15mins and then I finally got her napping properly at about 18 months only for her to drop all naps before she was 2!

Anyway, that reluctance to sleep has continued as she has got older and it's starting to worry me. I don't know how to help her fall asleep at night. She is tired all the time, it's a job getting her up in the morning and then she'll be really tearful on the way to school because she's so tired.

She used to say that she was scared of the dark so we would leave a light on for her. Then she would say she could see shadows and they were scaring her. As the shadows were created by leaving the lights on we tried turning them off but she didn't like that. She now has a lava lamp in her room. She often goes into her older brother's bed for comfort...I wouldn't have a problem with this if she would climb into his bed and go to sleep, but she starts messing around and keeping him up. He is generally a sleepier person than she is and he needs to sleep. I can't have her keeping him up. We tried a lullaby CD but she doesn't like it, we tried audio books but they keep her awake. She won't go to bed before her brother even though he is 4 years older than her. She seems to get a second wind after her bath but will stay up for hours.

Last night she was still awake after 11pm and tonight it's 10.30pm and she's still awake. She's going to be a mess tomorrow morning and I'm dreading it already. She told me this evening that she just doesn't like sleeping. I asked her why and she said she'd rather have fun but this is no fun for anybody! An added complication is that I work in the evenings (from home) so I can't dedicate time to sitting with her and calming her at bedtime as I have to work. My DH is an amazing dad but after he's been working all day he just doesn't have the patience or energy to do it either. Most evenings end with us shouting at her to just go to bed! She's not upset, just busy. I've just been up to her room and she's got all her toys out, all the books off the shelf and stuff everywhere. I often think it would be kindest to just slip her a tranquiliser at bedtime to knock her out but I obviously can't and wouldn't!!

I just don't know what I can do to help her fall asleep but I'm so worried that this is going to be a problem that just continues as she gets older and affect her health. I haven't yet as it seemed a bit dramatic but should I be taking her to the GP to get her referred to a specialist about this?

Google weighted blanket or guided meditation cd...
have you tried cutting out dairy/gluten etc

Thank you. Will take a look. I have never linked her reluctance to sleep to her diet...is this a possibility? She does have dairy and gluten in her diet...milk before bed etc. I hadn't even considered that diet might play a part.

Hi Coffee,
My little one is 7 and I put her in dancing class and swimming and gymnastics since she was 5.
She goes after school on different days and she loves it and it really tires her out as you can imagine.
Is your little one in any clubs ?

She does swimming and ballet on different days and they does tire her out. She's an active little girl but it doesn't seem to make any difference when it comes to bedtime...it's not that she's not tired, it's just that she won't go to sleep.

Supernanny recommended taking all toys out of the bedroom when dealing with one poor sleeper. There was too much Stuff and it was too stimulating, she said. Maybe just leave one cuddly and a few books?

Coffee,
She would get on well with my daughter .haha.
Another routine that I have is that I always give her a bath and wash her hair every evening before bed and use that Johnsons bedtime bath and she always gets off to sleep.

Dorothea, funnily enough, I did threaten my daughter this evening that I would take everything out of her room so she'd have nothing to play with, and did actually wonder whether it wasn't such a bad idea" But on a practical level, I have nowhere to put it!! We don't have a spare room and we don't have storage space! I'll give that some more thought though. I suspect she'll just wander into someone else's room though and mess around in there. That's what she does in my son's room!

avamiah, she does have a bath every evening, but part of me wonders whether it wakes her up a bit. She always seems to get a second wind after bath, but even if we miss a bath for some reason, she still won't fall asleep. She will just find something to do...anything to avoid sleeping! I think she has finally falln asleep tonight but it was around 11pm again She's not even 5 yet...she can't carry on like this, surely??

Coffee,
She must be very tired at school.
Does she get up in the morning for school ok and have her breakfast etc?

I have similar issues still looking for the magic off button. One thing I do is once they are in bed (most common thing is sitting up playing with teddies) I'll remove teddies if they don't get their head on the pillow.

I also find the tiredness means attention span is non existent.

According to her teacher, she's ok at school...she's quite good at just getting on with things, but I can tell that she's exhausted at the end of the day. And I always fool myself into thinking, she's so tired, she's bound to sleep well tonight and she never does. As I say, it's really beginning to worry me.

It not easy to get her up in the morning. I almost always have to wake her. I often have to physically have to drag her into sitting position (from bed) and carry her downstairs. She then sits there staring at her breakfast rather than eating it. She'll usually have a bit to eat but not much and then she'll go back upstairs and I'll find her lying on her bed again! I just get really frustrated...I try and let her sleep as long as possible in the morning knowing she hasn't had enough sleep, but then because she's so tired she does everything in really slow motion and we end up running late. Mornings are stressful to be honest and I find it difficult not to raise my voice with her. But I get so fed up with it impacting on my DS too. If she's late then he's late too and he shouldn't have to be because he's fine in the mornings.

A magic off button would be great. Why don't children come with these?! I think maybe her room is too stimulating and there's too much in there...just not sure where else her stuff will go! I also feel like her brain is still very active at bedtime...she'll chat to herself about stuff they've been learning about in school and she'll count as high as she can go. How can I get her to switch her brain off?? We have a routine of bath, milk, bedtime story, cuddles, lights off...and then all the nonsense will start

Does she have enough time just to chill before her bath? Just doing something quietly on her own, like reading/looking at books? If she doesn't have enough time to wind down, her brain probably is still very active.

Coffee,
In my opinion she will grow out of it and eventually she will fall asleep and not try to fight it and stay awake.
In my opinion as a mum it's nothing serious but of course you have to go with your gut instinct and if you want to take her to see her GP then do so.
Good luck
X

Do you think it would help if she were put to bed in your bed? Perhaps with the door ajar for a little light? Then you transfer her when you go to bed?

That's what I used to do with my daughter until I woke her up moving her.haha
Then your back to square one .
But all kids are different so maybe worth a go .

I'm exactly the same letting them sleep as long as possible in the mornings.
I have wondered about not allowing TV after dinner.

I could have written your post only about my DS1. Anxiety seems to keep him awake. He's always imagining ghosts and burglars. He's 12 now, has been this way since he was born.

We've tried various things over the years but we just have accepted that he's not a big sleeper- I'm certainly not, average 5/6 hrs a night. I have a mantra- 'No-one ever died of tired'

Maybe you can't completely empty out her room but how about a big declutter & make sure it's really well organised.

Sorry not much help but much empathy!