16 month old - Will not be still to go to sleep.

[Pebbles17]

Help! I am at a loss as to how to teach my daughter that she has to be still to go to sleep.

Bit of back story, she is adopted and came to us at 9 months old. Had never self settled and had always been rocked to sleep & slept in foster family's room.

We have made a lot of progress since we have had her, she sleeps through the night, and now naps well (1x 2 hr nap 11-1) however we are still holding her until she is nearly asleep before popping her in the cot.

Would dearly like to start gradual retreat but she literally has no idea how to stay still to fall asleep!

She used to scream and scream even when being held/rocked to sleep, thankfully that has stopped and she now drops off to sleep nicely. She has a sleepy tot & a comfort blanket that she settles herself with and I suspect she doesn't actually need us to cuddle her for her to drop off to sleep but she is such a bloody fidget she will NOT stay still! If we pop her in her cot a little too early she sits up like dracula and thinks it is playtime. We did try a period of holding her down (gently!) but even gently she screamed so much she was sick

She hates being in the pram & car seat and gets really pissed off if she feels her movement is being restricted so how the hell do we try and teach her to keep still without her throwing a total wobbly.

We have tried just sitting in her room and seeing what happened but she just seems to go and go and go and does not just lay down and conk out. We will not to CC/CIO, it is not suitable for her or us.

Thanks for any advice

My little one is only 25 months old and he is in a single bed and he rolls to the bottom of bed etc to fall asleep where he is comfy he is just learning to lie still, if he falls asleep on top of cover or down bottom I just slightly move him, at first i done was sit on floor next to cot and encouraged him to lie down and learn to independently fall asleep, I never looked or engaged with him pretended I was asleep, took months but he hated cot so put him in bed and lies down no problem but still likes to move to fall asleep it takes time to learn, but at least he falls asleep on his own no tantrum etc, you can't expect a 16 month old to learn at that age she's still a babie, and obviously is still adapting to changes in her life, the first thing is she needs to independently fall asleep on her own first,

I would get a single bed for the nursery (long term you will need one anyway) and sleep next to the cot for a bit. Then remove one side off the cot and wedge it up to the bed, you can keep her still by physically cuddling her in the cot then.

This will get her used to going to sleep in the cot, rather than in your arms.

Once she's better at going to sleep in there, start rolling away from her as she calms and stills. Roll back and cuddle if she needs you, but roll away when she settles.

Given time, you should get to just being the initial cuddle to settle, then you roll and face the other way on the bed but wait until she is asleep. Then start sitting up in the bed when settled, return to lying down cuddles if needed, but sit up when settled.

At that point (which might be 6 months down the line) decide if you are going to put the side on the cot, or just accept this sidecar cot arrangement long term.

I should add that I wasn't necessarily suggesting you sleep in the nursery every night. Just that you lie on the bed to settle her and until asleep, and that the bed is there for you if she wakes and needs you in the night.