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2 year old cannot/will not go to sleep

11 replies

Theyvallgone · 11/06/2017 20:53

We are absolutely at the end of our tethers. Every night ends in tears, and I don't just mean the 2 year old's.

As a baby he slept great, around 7 months old he went into his own room from being in ours, struggled a bit but got a good routine in the end and he was able to go to sleep himself after a story and a kiss goodnight. After I went back to work when he was a year old things seemed to go downhill and he needed more input from us - in the form of rocking/patting to get him down to sleep.
Then he moved from his nursery into a bigger room when he was about 17 months old, I feel like this was the big turning point and we have struggled to get him to sleep since. Its been getting worse and worse since then and I just don't know what to do any more.
(I'm 35 weeks pregnant, so that may well be affecting this ... although he's a massive daddy's boy and I don't feel like the pregnancy has upset him in other aspects).

He's now in a single bed because he was starting to climb out of his cot, and when put in there he was screaming, "get out! get out! out cot!" etc. he clearly wasn't finding any comfort from the encircling bars, and we needed the cot back into the nursery for baby No.2 so into a big bed he went. He calls it his big boy bed, and doesn't seem to have any fears/problems surrounding this ... except that he's now free to roam his room.

Routine:

  • 18.30, begin bath/bed time. He has a bath every other night currently. Teeth brushed, get changed into PJs, stories and milk, lie down to sleep (with us)
  • During this process he gets gradually more and more hyper. Running around his room, throwing himself onto his bed, jumping up and down, throwing soft toys from his bed around, giggling - making a joke of everything. No matter how quiet, calm and dark we try to keep the room.
  • Currently we either have to lie with him or rock him, but he's throwing himself around the bed, hitting, kicking, biting, slapping etc.
  • If left alone in his room he just stands talking and yelling at the baby gate until he gets upset.

He will fight and fight despite being obviously over tired and drooping. He's not falling asleep until around 9pm every night now, and will then get up somewhere between midnight and 2am and shout "daddy!" to be brought into our bed, where he will settle quickly and sleep until around 6.30 - 7am.
He generally naps around an hour in the day, seems to go down slightly easier in his bed for this.

Honestly we are so so tired, we have no time together, no evenings or time to ourselves, we aren't eating until after he's in bed due to work timings etc. We just can't carry on like this - can anyone help? Has anything worked for you? Should we be doing some sort of sleep training, have we completely lost the plot and all hope???

OP posts:
Mummamayhem · 11/06/2017 20:57

I know this isn't the 'done' thing but I would put him to bed later. Mine now 3 1/2 only slept properly once he was in a routine of going to (actual) sleep at 8.30pm. It sounds like he's got lots of energy at 6.30pm even if you haven't!

Also up food intake and physical activity in the day if needs be.

Mummamayhem · 11/06/2017 20:59

Oh and as tired as you are loose the nap. Or cut it to 30 mins.

Just to reassure you although my DS has a late bed time my DD goes to bed an hour earlier now she is at school. So it's not forever.

BunloafAndCrumpets · 11/06/2017 21:07

Oh you poor things. We've just come out of a phase of this with our just 2yo DD. I know what you mean about having no evenings etc. It's so hard.

What time is his nap? We have had some success in moving our daughters nap earlier and restricting it to 45 mins. She can't make it through the day on no nap yet.

We were so desperate (you could probably find some old threads of mine on this) that we ended up getting a sleep consultant. I would highly recommend this if advice here doesn't help. The advice we got was tailored to us but generally what we and friends have been told:
-most kids apparently need at least 6h between waking from nap and going to sleep
-putting them in bed when they are not tired does not encourage good sleep habits so try and get them tired at bedtime by moving bedtime or moving nap

  • look at diet and check no refined sugars / caffeine etc close to bed time
-for them to listen to you at night, you need to get them listening to you in the day. Be firm and consistent always.

I hope you find something that works for you. This too shall pass BrewBrewCakeCake

Lou573 · 11/06/2017 21:08

We have similar with our 19 month old, but I've made it clear that I'll only stay in her room if she lies down and behaves, so if she stands up I'll say night night and leave the room. She hates being left alone so screams, I leave her for about 4 minutes and go back, and after one or two goes of this she will lie down quietly. Once she's lying down properly she'll drop off as she is actually tired, but it's just getting her to lie still that's the challenge. I dream of being able to kiss her goodnight and leave the room without having tears at every bedtime, but being a bit strict about it is the only way we get an evening.

Muddlingalongalone · 11/06/2017 21:08

Following with interest as Dd2 is 2.8 and the same. Angel sleeper til 6 months & essentially got progressively worse.
Had to take sides off the cot at 14 months because she climbed out.
Used to take ages but lie nicely, now kicking, biting, pinching everynight. It can take 1.5-2hrs and is sooooo demoralising.
She is better without a nap at the weekend than with a nap at nursery, but we don't get home til 6ish on weekdays so I don't really want to give it up.
Good luck

Theyvallgone · 11/06/2017 21:40

Wow, thank you all so much for taking the time to respond!

mummymayhem - I did wonder about putting him down later, it doesn't solve getting evenings together, however it would lessen the drama and the tears if he was actually tired when getting to bed.
Oh God though! The sound of dropping a nap when I'm just about to have a baby sounds awful haha, again I'll try anything to see if it helps though. Anybody any ideas on how to tire out a toddler when you can't really run about yourself? :)

Bunloaf I've been trying to follow what he does at nursery (2 days a week) and put him down for a nap around 11.30-12 but this messes with lunch time. We put in place a 'no naps beyond 3pm' rule, but didn't realize that most toddlers would need as much as 6 hours between nap and bed time!! I will definitely look up your previous posts, thank you!

Lou Yes! I think if he could lie down quietly he would fall asleep as he's actually tired. Unfortunately he won't stay in his bed now if/when I leave the room and it results in putting him back into bed many many times, which I'm struggling with a lot at the moment. I fear the only solution would be to bring the cot back, but not sure how I would help him to relax in it.

Muddling I hope you find some answers too, you've hit the nail on the head - its so demoralizing.

I should add that we took his dummy away about 3-4 months ago. I also wonder if it could be getting worse due to him having 2 unexplained seizures in the last 4 months which have cause me and his dad to be so so stressed about leaving him alone/to cry that maybe we are being too easy on him.

Again, thank you for your help - its a great comfort to know we aren't alone

OP posts:
Muddlingalongalone · 11/06/2017 22:09

Interesting the "too easy on him" - I'm probably guilty of that dd2 has hearing loss so once she's got her aids out she can't hear properly and I feel like a) she's vulnerable because she has a sense missing & b) I hate ignoring her when I spend my whole life encouraging her to speak.
They'll get there - they almost all do. DD1 was ok going to bed but woke multiple times until she turned 3 & is an angel now at 6 (at bedtime anyway)

Theyvallgone · 12/06/2017 18:19

Ah I can see where you're coming from with her hearing aid, bless her! Hopefully we'll find something that works, but I'm sure it's going to take time!

Building up to bedtime now, starting to feel worried about it - any last minute tips from anyone online?

Today I tried to get him down at 11.30 for a nap and he slapped/head butted and bit me for an hour till he finally went. He ended up with a late dinner because it took so long to get him down.
Have tried to get him fresh air, exercise etc. But it's not entirely successful while I'm tightening and heavily pregnant eek.

OP posts:
toffeeboffin · 12/06/2017 18:22

Cut the nap.

Up the exercise. And I mean you need to run him ragged daily. Easier said than done I know.

Later bedtime.

Good luck, it's brutal.

BunloafAndCrumpets · 12/06/2017 21:02

Crikey you poor thing. Re the nap, I think you have these options:
-Put him down whenever he normally goes but make sure he's always up (wake him) by 130. Even if this means he only gets 30 mins. An earlier, shorter nap should help.

  • put him in buggy or car seat if that helps him sleep and you want to try an earlier sleep without him biting you etc
  • completely drop the nap (can see this is not appealing when you're pregnant but if it meant evenings perhaps became easy would you do it? Could replace nap time with quiet / tv time so you get a break / sit down
DixieNormas · 12/06/2017 22:04

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