Sorry, long......Ds1 is 2 next month. He started out as a poor sleeper, frequent waking, impossible to put down, etc. This has consistently improved though, and he's been sleeping through for over six months I think. He's had the occasional wake up in that time.
The last few weeks though, have seen him.waking up and being really upset. Not every night. I have a 4 month old baby so am limited to what in cot settling we can try with ds1.
He has woken, made some noises, sometimes made a 'complaining ' noise and settled back with no help needed. We used to go in ar the slightest peep but having started to wait we found he resettled, no crying. The times I'm worried about though, he wakes and is very quickly distressed. I am often awake feeding the baby (who is very quiet, definitely isn't waking ds1) so I know he hasn't been awake and quietly crying or calling out.
Ds1 has to be picked up, and ends up sleeping in the spare bed with husband, who deals with ds since baby was born. Spare bed is a single with a bodyguard so not ideal for a large toddler who moves a lot.
Obviously lots changed recently, new baby, things very bad between me and husband. Ds isn't yet talking. He stays one night a week at pil on his own, no issues there. It's a very peaceful house, focus is on ds so he gets plenty of one on one attention there. One night a week at my parents with me and ds2. We've spent more time there recently due to things at home being bad.
Monday night, woke up, wailed a bit (not upset, a 'moany' sort of noise. Settled back himself.
Tuesday at parents, woke up at 4.30am, wailing again. Mum went in and ended up getting up with him. Napped 40minutes in pram at lunchtime, an hour in car at 5pm.
Wednesday at parents woke up crying at 2.30. I went in, Co slept in bed for the rest of the night. Between him and baby.
Thursday stayed at Mil. Napped 2.5 hrs in cot (was exhausted but always napped better there) slept through 'without a peep' napped 1hr 45 yesterday.
Took ages to go to sleep last night. Cried at the end of stories (wants them over and over) but otherwise OK. Was happily playing with teddy in cot but didn't sleep til nearly 9.
I heard him crashing around the cot in his sleep about 2am. On and off for a while. I was feeding the baby at the time.
Then he woke up crying but not screaming, I thought he might have a foot through the bars or something. He was clearly not going to resettle on his own. Husband went in. Picked up, ds falls asleep or calms down, wakes, gets upset when husband tries to sit down on bed.
During these times ds is very difficult to handle, pushing away, crying loudly, writhing about. Both me and husband conscious of ds2.
On the occasions I go in, I sing or recite his favourite stories and this calms him easier I find. I also tend to lay straight down with him and ride out the resistance, as it's almost impossible to move him once he's settled without disturbing him. Husband will stand up holding him the struggle to move without waking him.
He's calmed now but I can hear him awake, making his 'pointing' noise so I have a feeling the lights are on.
Sorry for the length. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't do leaving to cry. So even leaving husband to deal with it is very hard for me as I can hear him crying.
My thoughts are - unsettled due to some developmental stage, speaking maybe?
Unsettled due to atmosphere at home. Too much staying away from home. (decided to not go to parents this week/every week, and see how the sleep goes)?
Baby is 4 months. I did everything with/for ds until baby came along and husband had to step up. Ds is clingy to husband. I rarely get time with ds1 on our own. I put him to bed each night. And swimming for an hour each week.
How can I help him?