At the end of my tether with 14 month old

[EsmesRedPetticoat]

DD2 has always been a rubbish sleeper. Never less than 2-3 wake ups a night although happily self settling at bedtime. Recently we have moved her into a toddler bed sharing a room with our 5 yr old in the hope that her sleep would improve. She is usually ok until about 3-30-4am. If she wakes up before then she will often be settled back quite easily but once it get to that time, pow, she's awake, grumpy, yelling, and refuses to go back to sleep unless DP takes her downstairs and settles her to sleep on his chest on the sofa. Obviously this is really not ideal as no-one is getting enough sleep like this. Sometimes she will go back to sleep if we give her a pouch if fruit purée which DP thinks is fine but I think is a terrible idea and that she will start to wake up expecting it. She eats well during the day so shouldn't need food in the night! She is still breastfed but won't very often feed back to sleep either. Anyone had similar experience and got any tips?

My first concern here would be for your 5 yr old. Are they getting enough sleep? I once taught a child in reception who started coming in to school exhausted and when I asked him if he was ok he said he got woken up every night as his baby brother was now sharing his room.
My own dd was a nightmare for waking up in the night. It's really hard work but the advice to make sure the experience is not at all rewarding for them is the only thing we found to work. Things have to be dull so they eventually give up and settle again. Do definitely no going downstairs for a cuddle.

Fortunately dd1 is quite a heavy sleeper so mostly doesn't wake up. We have agreed that if she get woken up she can go straight to our bed and I'll sleep in her bed but so far we haven't needed to.

I think 14 months old is far too young for a bed. Especially so an already poor sleeper. I'd put back into a cot.

Then, to minimise persistant disruption to your eldest's sleep I would put the cot in your bedroom and have her sleeping in that until sleeping through.

Yes I'd agree FATE. Then in a cot in tour room OP you can whisper to her and reassure her without getting up. You really need to stop giving her food or anything nice like cuddles in the night or it reinforces her behaviour.

I'd agree a cot so,she can't get out. I wouldn't feed in the night at that age and I wouldn't reward waking with cuddles and attention. Close the door and let her settle herself. Buy earplugs whilst she does it.

Going back to the cot is a no-go as we don't have it anymore. What I forgot to put in my original post was that all the wailing and being hard to soothe etc pre-dates moving her. She has been like this for several months. She actually improved for a few nights after the move and then went back to square one again!