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13m nursery sleep disruption

3 replies

whatmoreinthenameoflove · 06/06/2017 20:03

DS (13m) has never been a great sleeper. Around about 12m, we got into the best routine he's ever had. He woke around 5am-5:30am, napped for 45 minutes around 9am, and about 1hr 30mins after lunch (around 1pm). He went to sleep at 7pm. Each nap and night time, I put him down to sleep, walked away and he shuffled a bit, and then went to sleep without a squeak. I didn't hear from him again until 5am. Thing is, I know he needed more sleep than that, and I was always getting him to bed early at night (6:45pm) but he'd then just wake earlier in the morning.

In the last couple of weeks I've gone back to work, and he is going to nursery 4 days a week. He seems to love it - happy on drop off for the main part (any tears last seconds), and happy but not clingy to see me in the evening.

However, his sleep has gone to pot. Nursery get maximum an hour out of him during the day (20 minutes in the morning and 45 minutes at lunch), and I can no longer put him down to sleep at night. Given pick up time, I can't really get him into bed any earlier than 6:45pm, but it takes up to an hour to get him to sleep. What I did tonight is pretty typical - normal bedtime routine (as has been the case since he was 3m) and put him in the cot and walk away. He immediately stands up and shouts.

I then walk back in, put him down and say night night, sleepy time etc., and walk away. He can be standing before I've left the room (and it's not a large room). We repeat this for a few goes, and then I try to shhh him to sleep. He gets calm, snuggles up and for a few minutes I think I'm there. He then gets bored, starts to play with his teddies, giggles at me, and so I say sleepy time, and walk away. We repeat the standing-leaving-lying down- pattern a few times, and then the shhing starts, and he might sleep, or he might play again.

Please help! I don't know what to do next. I don't mind shhhing him to sleep, but I must be getting the timing wrong because the first few times I try, he just wants to play, but then suddenly he'll sleep. That said, I am certain that this not wanting to sleep is down to nursery starting, and although I'm very sympathetic to that, I don't want to create bad habits (him needing me there to go to sleep), and more importantly, he needs to go to sleep earlier than 7:45pm, given that he wakes up now anything from 4:30am.

In the morning I cannot get him back to sleep - once he's awake, that's it. I've tried shhing in the cot, bringing him into my bed, just holding and rocking him and he's perfectly calm and happy, just chattering away, but he won't sleep. If I think I've cracked it, and he looks snoozy, I keep going (generally if I'm holding him) but he doesn't even go to sleep.

Please please help! This poor little boy needs to sleep longer!

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 06/06/2017 20:55

I don't want to create bad habits (him needing me there to go to sleep)

I would suggest that your quest to avoid the Rod For Your Back is the very thing that has created the Rod For Your Back.

From about 3 months old I developed a similar routine. However I just stayed by the cot, never left until asleep and always gave all the in-cot reassurance baby needed.

As a result of stopping "will she / won't she leave me this time" battle, it never took more than 15 minutes to get baby to sleep in the cot. Usually 5 minutes from beginning to end. (I have 4 children, I don't have tge time to faff around at bedtime).

Then I reduced the amount of reassurance she needed gradually so that by 12 months old we were at the "put into cot standing up, say nan night and leave" point. All with zero crying

whatmoreinthenameoflove · 06/06/2017 21:26

Amazing advice. Thank you. I was hoping you'd reply - I've seen your helpful replies on other threads Grin
So what when I put him to bed? Just stay with him shhhing and patting? Or just stay there? And wait until he's asleep? What if he stands up or tries to play? Thank you, thank you!

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 06/06/2017 21:41

It depends on your parening style. Controlled Crying (or a version thereof) would probably work in your situation too.

I go for the gentle route though. It takes longer.

So first task is to build the trust that you will stay and give enough reassurance until baby is asleep. Then seek out ninja style one asleep.

I'm not a massive fan of excessive shushing, or patting. I'm more a fan of silence, stillness and calm. Shushing and patting occassionally, but not all the time. So my favoured route of calming baby is bending into cot and placing my hand firmly on baby's chest/back/side.

Lots of eye contact with a caring, compassionate tone in my body language. Constantly saying "it's ok, I'm right here for you" without actually saying it.

If fighting against my firm hand I might shush. Maybe pat gently, some face tickling. It's just to try and still and calm baby, not all the time. The "training" is teaching baby that you want him to lie down and be still. Then you still too.

Once baby eventually stills, stay right there. Keep your hand firmly on baby. The idea is that he can close his eyes and relax and still feel you are there while he goes to sleep.

The first stage is getting this to happen without a battle. So develop the trust that it will always be the same - you will help baby be still and calm and stay until asleep.

Only once this is established (and therefore doesn't take long) so you start withdrawing. You then gradually reduce the amount of reassurance baby needs.

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