Having a bit of a wobble.

[Divingheadfirst]

So DD is almost 9 months. Sleep has gotten progressively worse. She was fed to sleep but over the last month ive stopped feeding to sleep. Recently shes been able to lie in her cot with me sitting beside the cot with her favourite song on and she will fall asleep on her own.

Its a major improvement and means that her night wakenings have reduced for 4 to 5 to 1.

Just feeling like I need a bit of reassurance that im not damaging her. That im not going to damage her long term.

Today for her first nap she was fighting it. I sat beside the cot as normal playibg her song. She was upset and anytime she got too upset I lifted her out and sat with her on the rocking chair. She wont fall asleep like that though, she just plays with my hair, jumper, face.

So once she calms down I place her in the cot. She tosses and turns and cries out and moans but not a proper cry.

Then she rolls over and goes to sleep.

I feel a bit cruel and in the moment I feel like I could be givibg her life long insecurities and attatchment issues. I know in reality im probably not but just need to know its ok to let her cry out a bit and moan whilst she puts herself to sleep.

Do others do this?

I just couldn't go on any longer with the constant night wakenings and feeding to sleep.

She doesnt take a dummy but has a comforter plus her favourite song plus im next to her at all times until shes in a deep sleep.

You are always going to get different opinions on babies crying/moaning/whinging in order to go to sleep. It's a personal thing, you can only justify it to yourself.

I wouldn't want my child to be upset in any way when going to sleep. I have a preference for calm, quiet bedtime. But with an established dummy for sleep time that is easy, dummies are a great no-crying sleep solution.

Without a dummy, my understanding is there will often be some crying of some description. At 9 months old, I don't think that will be the end of the world. Its not like we are talking about a tiny under 6 month old. But I wouldn't advocate leaving the upset unattended until bit older.

You're there with her though, you are helping her to feel comforted and secure but also trying to teach her better sleep habits. That's OK, I think anyway. But as I say, opinions on this very wildly.

OP, at that age my DS was still moaning and grumping and tired-crying a lot at nap time. The dummy worked up to a point but then he started spitting it out to continue moaning .. These days at almost 13 months he has a comforter he uses to sooth himself but still grumps from time to time.

I cannot say whether I have damaged him or not by letting him grump-cry in his cot at times while I pat and shush him - only that the alternative (carrying and rocking him till my arms breaks) was not sustainable. Just wanted to reassure you that you're not alone. My understanding from other friends with babies is that it's not all that unusual.

Thanks. That makes me feel a bit better.

Her second nap was in the car so no crying for that one.

Bedtime she cried for two minutes, I lifted her and rocked her until she calmed down then put her back in her cot and she rolled over and just went to sleep.

Thinking it will hopefully get quicker each time and then I wont feel bad or question it.

Her sleep was horrendous before now. She was fed to sleep and rocked and held. She would wake every hour or two or sometimes three if I was lucky.

It came to a head when I started to break down in tears at the tiredness.

Last night she woke up once and slept til 6.40 - a long lie for me considering she was up from half 4,/5am for weeks.

I feel like I have more energy. When she naps I do the housework. When shes awake I play and enjoy her. Previously I was a tired mess all day.

So whilst its difficult to see her upset, I was really at the end of my tether with waking and needing me to sleep.

Fingers crossed ive not done her any damage. Although today was the happiest shes been in a while. Full of smiles and laughter so im guessing the sleep is outweighing the crying and lack of sleep she was getting.

This is such an emotive issue but in my opinion helping a child learn to self settle to sleep once they are old enough (ie not under 6 months) is an important skill and I think your routine sounds good.

Thanks, not sure why but when I posted the post reverted back to another username I have used previously.

And now it seems to be continuing, so I guess ill keep this username then!

Just wanted to say, OP, that it sounds to me like you're doing fine. A little bit of crying going down for a nap is not going to cause your baby attachment issues - attachment is about the whole of the baby's emotional environment, and the love she feels in her relationships with caregivers - no relationship is going to be without its little struggles and difficulties! You are showing her that you are there for her; you are present and doing all you can to comfort her whilst still protecting your own ability to function. Hope you can get some sleep soon!

Thanks for the kind words.

Today (day 3) has been a bit of a disaster. She woke up during the night at 10pm and I resettled in cot, 1am and I breastfed her and 4am but she wasnt hungry just wanted to play and babble. She finally went back to sleep at 6am.

Her first nap was in the car at 10.30am so that was no crying at all.

Second nap she was fighting it for over an hour. I finally had to leave the house to do the school run and as soon as the car started she was asleep.

Bedtime wasnt too bad although she was quite upset so I had to hold her for about 5, 10 mins. I placed her in her cot when she was just drifting off. She moaned for a second but fell asleep after that.

Feel like im so out of my depth.

I bought two new dummys to try but she refused them.

Honestly wishing the time away as I know it'll get easier its just a matter of time and I just seem to be existing each day trying to get her to sleep.

I rock my 8 month old son to sleep for his daytime naps in his cot (otherwise he sleeps fine in buggy or car) and sometimes he won't take the dummy but he does have a bit of a grump! He tends to fight sleep so maybe your baby does that too! We've recently started leaving him to drop off on his own for his nightly sleep once he's had his feed, as we thought our presence was too distracting / stimulating.