Seriously need advice for my 11 week old sleeper

[dabbitydibbity]

I'm going round in circles with night time sleep with my 11 week old. I've posted several times on here and taken the advice I was kindly offered but nothing seems to work. As soon as I tackle one issue, another crops up. I'm not naive enough to think it should be plain sailing or routine at this age but as a second time mother, I know this is ten times harder with DS2...
Quick summary of issues - incredibly difficult to settle for naps, increasingly difficult to settle for night time, completely erratic night sleep stretches and waking after 40 mins into bed time sleep.
I've been told to just go with baby's own schedule at this stage and that's what I've been doing but with no joy. It's starting to impact on my relationship with my husband and it is interfering massively with my toddler's time with me too.
Baby is formula fed in the day and breastfed through the night. He refuses a dummy and uses white noise for naps but it has a limited effect I feel.
He only ever naps for 40 mins at a time unless I go out and about with him. This would give him about 2 or 3 hours in one chunk but I can't always do this as I have my toddler too! It is harder and harder to settle him as the day goes on, despite putting him down as soon as I see yawns or grumblings. This is normally about an hour after a wake up.
Bath routine every night and dark room etc for going down for the night - this has been from the beginning. It can be any time between 7 and 9. He can go down straight away some nights and cry on and off (with settling and resettling etc) for two hours on other nights. I always stay with him and this is what is causing me to have no time to even share a dinner with my husband! He also often wakes after the 40 min mark too and then the resettling has to occur again. It's a saga! All that and then feeding every 1.5-3hours all through the night. At 11 weeks?!!! My DS1 was sleeping through at this stage so I'm baffled - I know they will be different but that's a staggering difference!
Sleep deprived and frustrated beyond belief and really needing some supportive words and encouragement... I feel I take one step forward and two steps back. I've not seen any sleep progress since day one - I don't know where I am going wrong!!
All advice gratefully received.

You're not doing anything wrong. It's completely normal. Feeding every 1.5-3 hours is completely normal. If your first baby was sleeping through by this stage then that's exceptionally rare.

Don't try and put them upstairs yet. If you're taking 2 hours to settle them they're not ready (my 15 week old, who is ds3, is currently chortling to himself in the Moses basket in the living room. Last night he was asleep by 7.15...!) and you're just stressing yourself out.

www.isisonline.org.uk

Please look at this website about what it normal for infant sleep.

Unfortunately I just have to say that all babies are different. My first never slept through the night consistently til 18 months, dd2 started at approx 12 weeks but even at that she was going down at 10pm. She is 7 months now and while both sleep through its difficult to get them down at a reasonable hour. My husband and I rarely eat together. My 7 month old is now fast asleep but easily could wake in 40 mins til 11pm and my 2yo is still awake and crying when I try to leave her room. I just keep telling myself it will get better soon.

It's all fine, don't worry dabbitydibbity.

40 minute naps are normal (in fact the are good, some babies do only 20-30 minutes). Just keep them frequent, exactly as you say you are with your 1h awake time.

Inconsistent awake times (in reference to your other thread) at night is also normal, don't worry too much at this age.

One of your children was easy and the other isn't - also not unusual in families. You may need to try things with DC2 that you didn't need to with DC1 - some children are just more needy in that way. I even know twins who are completely different in terms of sleep, even though they share exactly the same routines.

My only suggestion would be things to make your life easier, rather than seeking to change the already great job you are doing parenting. Such suggestions would start with abandoning "bedtime" for a while. There's just no benefit in it. Your baby won't gain from spending their evening unsettled upstairs, and your relationship with your DH certainly won't benefit.

Just do bath and all that, then bring baby downstairs to continue with the cluster feeding or napping. That way at least you get to sit and watch tv with DH all evening.

I'd also, for the sake of your sanity, keep persevering with the dummy. It allows for comfort sucking so going to sleep without crying.

Feeding more frequently in the daytime, and bigger feeds in the daytime, will mean fewer calories will be needed at night. But this is only of any benefit if you have an alternate way to get baby back to sleep in the night that doesn't involve feeding to sleep (which brings me back to the dummy).

Hi,
I have a 9 week old and was coming on to post a similar thing but as it sounds all very normal I won't bother!

I agree with the comments about not bothering with the early bed time. Mine tends to go to 'bed' anytime between 9.30-11.30 but does wake up very frequently in the night. Is swaddled and has a dummy (advice from here) but I still need to resettle a lot!

I am shocked at how different this one is from my first! My first slept fine (not through!) till 4 months then was very challenging. This one I can't get to sleep very easily and cries lot more.

It's tough with a toddler I think - you are constantly trying to juggle. I feel like I spend all my time trying to get DC 2 to sleep who has also has really bad evening colic/crying.

I don't have any tips but I just wanted to add that it's just pants!!!

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