Please help :-(

[Peacelover1975]

My 8 month old DS has been sleeping through pretty much since he was 5 or 6 months old. Because of that, when he won't settle, either when I first put him to bed at night or if he wakes up during the night, i stresses me out.
I get really anxious and feel as though I need to 'fix' the problem, so end up stroking his head, shushing, cuddling him, bonjella, milk (he's formula fed 2 x daily and has 3 meals a day) bringing him downstairs to break the cycle, putting his dummy in if not in already, putting his fave cuddly toy next to him and as a last resort I'll give him paracetamol.
I feel like I'm getting it all wrong by trying so many different things and really need advice on the right approach to take.
I'm not keen on controlled crying.
Thanks in advance

That's a good list of things to try. If my (normally easy to get to sleep) child woke I'd do the following, probably in this order:

• give dummy/blankie and try to leave

• lay my hand on her in the cot and shushhhhhh.

• if still not settling, lift out of cot and give milk feed and/or cuddle.

• if still not settling, medication: Calpol, teething gel, ibruprophen.

• if still not settling and I'm not in bed, downstairs (while still in sleeping bag) to have a cuddle on the sofa for 15/30 minutes.

• if still refusing to sleep when being taken back upstairs, our fail-safe is a travel cot in our bedroom. That's better for us than cosleeping. She's not in it very often but had never failed to calm and settle when in the travel cot next to my bed.

Thanks Fate. I think I just needed some reassurance that i wasn't making the problem worse by keeping going into his room to try different things to help to settle him ie 'making a rod for own back' etc His top two teeth have just come through, he's just started sitting and is babbling a lot at the moment, so i suppose those things might account for him not going to sleep/staying asleep lately. Plus it was really warm here last night.
Your advice really helps....I think having a routine approach will calm my nerves instead of getting my knickers in a twist and just trying random things and still feeling like I'm getting nowhere!

Sounds like you are doing fab to me! I was exactly the same, I would try everything when daughter woke. She is 16 months now and unless she is poorly she sleeps like an absolute dream for 12 hours a night she self settles brilliantly when she wakes too. I think too much pressure is put on us to distance ourselves from our children to not create bad habits but actually I don't think that's true for all babies at all xxx

Thanks ladies I'm a first time mum, so it really helps to hear from other mums that have done the same as me and your kids have turned out fine! I agree, there is far too much pressure to distance ourselves from our kids. I'm just not tough enough not to want to do something if I hear him crying. It might be a different story if he didn't normally settle easily and i was convinced he was playing up....but how can you ever know they're not genuinely upset or in pain when they can't talk yet?
I will deffo try the bouncer on vibrate with a blanket - thanks AutumnRose

Thanks AutumnRose. I will definitely try going in at regular intervals and the bouncer thing (just realised we need more batteries!) What was definitely lacking in my approach was a structure. It was more of a haphazardly chaotic and stressy approach!
I've read that sometimes babies just need to cry, for whatever reason, and that you don't necessarily need to 'fix' anything if you've done all the usual checks ie nappy, hungry, cuddle etc
I know i need to try and relax more over this, and i think all the suggestions on this thread will really help. I'm sure once I'm more relaxed, my DS will be more relaxed too without me getting in his face all of the time

It might be a different story if he didn't normally settle easily

The reason he normally settles easily is precisely because you don't leave him to cry.

A happy, contented baby has absolutely no "need" to cry. Not leaving your baby to cry is exactly why he normally settles so well.

Don't change something that isn't broken. Fear not. You are doing an amazing job at this parenting malarkey

Thanks Fate, I'm doing my best!