Going to sleep alone 19 months. Gentle suggestions please.

[JohnLapsleyParlabane]

Hi all. My 19 month old is in a fairly consistent routine of a post lunch nap. She averages 90mins somewhere between 1 and 4. However we still have to stay with her till she sleeps. At night she goes down pretty easily with one of us in the room but for naps she suddenly seems to need cuddling to sleep again. It's taking me up to 45mins to get her down most days and I'm getting worried that this is going to be the new normal.

She's in a toddler bed and can let herself out of her room when she wakes so leaving her to cry it out is impossible as she will just come out.

We think that a recent holiday which resulted in 2 weeks of buggy naps may be the culprit. But we don't know how. She's also waking up earlier in the morning on the days after we have difficulty getting her to nap.

Is it just a phase or do we need to do something?

19 months is very, very young for a toddler bed.

I think cuddling her to bed is your only option. Then gradually reducing her dependence on being cuddled to sleep. I assume you are happy to take things slowly? Gradual Withdrawal like this often does involve two steps forward one step back.

So start of lying on her bed, cuddling up. Stay right through until fully asleep. Then seek out ninja style.

Sneeking out before she's fully asleep through any of this will undo any progress. She needs to know and trust you'll stay until she's asleep, otherwise shell battle to stay awake.

When she's established with you lying on the bed, start lying on the floor instead. Keep your hand on her shoulder/back/chest so she knows you are there. Stay until fully asleep.

Once that's accepted, sit on floor next to bed with your hand on her.

Then sit on floor next to bed and put hand on her to settle, remove hand when calm. Stay sitting there and put hand back on her if fussing, remove hand when calm.

Then sitting at bottom end of the cot, not head end. Then standing at foot end. Then standing by the door.

The key principles of gradual withdrawal are:

• Give enough comfort to create no distress. So if upset, immediately move backwards down the degrees of separation. Once calm, withdraw again.
• always stay until asleep. Trying to leave before asleep creates mistrust, that as soon as she relaxed then thr opportunity for comfort goes. Which leads her to battle to stay awake. Remove that battle by always staying until asleep.
• don't stall. Once a degree of withdrawal is accepted, start introducing the next step of withdrawal.
• have realistic time expectations. One stage to the next might take several weeks, it might take several months, it might only take a few days. Plus you might make progress and then undo it all because of various things (teething, illness, holidays etc). Just accept. Gradual Withdrawal is not a quick fix. Just keep the general direction as ever more independant sleep.

Thank you. That's pretty much what we do at bedtime. Will carry on carrying on!
She's been in her toddler bed since 13 months without issues till this nap thing started

You're at an age for separation anxiety. And fear of missing out, when she realises that you do stuff when she's asleep. So it's not an unusual time for needing extra reassurance.