Is Disappearing Chair/Gradual Retreat supposed to be crying-free?

[MaudGonneMad]

Or am I doing it wrong? Having a bad old time with my 6 month old, who since the 4 month sleep regression has lost her trick of sleeping 7/8 hr stretches at night. I really want to teach her to self-settle, as multiple night wakings are taking their toll on me. Also, if she wakes and I'm on a rare night out, she is inconsolable despite DH's best efforts.

She always feeds to sleep and refuses a dummy no matter how often/how many varieties I try.

I've tried gradual retreat the last few nights, sitting with my hand on her chest or stroking her face, and she just screams and screams and whinges and screams and cries and cries and cries. After about an hour I usually give up and feed her to sleep again.

Anyone have any advice?

You don't need to justify your social life to anyone MaudGonneMad.

Gentle sleep training is a good thing to do anyway, regardless of your social life. You will need realistic expectations though. If you want to go the no-crying ways to get there, you're not likely to get to the "put in cot and leave" stage until past 12 months.

And that point will come quicker with absolute consistency to gradually withdrawing. This is a job therefore best not shared, the best consistency will come when only one parent does it.

On the odd occassions normal settling methods don't work, I would (and still do with my 2 year old) give up and remove the battle - rather than letting baby get distressed and screaming in the cot. As long as this is a rare occassional thing, it's no problem.

(My 2 year old is currently cutting molars. Thursday evening she was sat watch TV on DHs knee until 10pm because she felt so rotten she couldn't sleep. Last night she came and slept in the travel cot in our room, again because she's just feeling too much pain to sleep anf wanted to be near us. This is a toddler who has really healthy and positive sleep habits normally. She will be back to normal in a few days. It's not like the odd night here are there make a any difference to anything)

Hi! I'm in the same boat with DS who is nearly 7months. I've just been getting some help on another thread actually! He's really unsettled in the evenings and like you, I would like to be able to go out occasionally with friends/DH for drinks or evening meal! This was achievable with my 1st DD at 6months as I could feed her to sleep and then know I was safe for a good 3-4hours lol! I've also only been out twice on an evening in the last 7months and DS was inconsolable with DH the entire time I was out so Ive never dared again 😕 It's not good for mental sanity is?!
I agree with others tho...that you do adjust (2nd time round for me) and I do have friends that I meet up with for coffee/soft play etc but it's things like wedding night dos, hen dos, birthday celebrations etc that you end up missing out on 😕
My lovely DH has booked a night away in the lakes for our 10year anniversary in 3 weeks time...it was supposed to be a surprise but he's had to tell me as it's looking like we are going to have to cancel it as unless a miracle happens in 3 weeks there's no way we can leave DS with MIL 😭

Reading this with interest as I really need to start working on independent sleep.

Quick question for those in the know: if baby eventually gets used to a comforter and it helps him get to sleep, would you remove that comforter when he is asleep?

Obviously guidelines state no toys or fabric in the cot (which I've been following) so surely that applies to comforters too? (Dummies being the exception)

But if it's removed, I'd need to give it back to him when he wakes, to help him get back to sleep... Right?!

How old is your baby? I introduced cellular blanket (i.e. has small holes so air can get through) at 6 months. And no, I left it in the cot so when he stirred between sleep cycles he had something to comfort with. I made sure it was in good condition and too small for him to get tangled in (it was actually a quarter of a blanket). I added a cuddly toy when he was over a year old and able to express a preference about favourite teddy!

Quick question for those in the know: if baby eventually gets used to a comforter and it helps him get to sleep, would you remove that comforter when he is asleep?

My 11 year old son still sleeps with Ted, his comforter rabbit. I will never, ever get rid of it.

I expect the same will be the for my toddler and her "Blankie and Nother Blankie", there is no need to remove that comfort. I'd have no issue if they take their special toys to their marital home, when older

I understand the "clear cot" SIDS requirement. I didn't introduce a comforter until 9 months old, so it's not something I bothered with when baby was tiny (aside from dummy use) anyway.

Checking back in. waves to those also struggling.

The last 2 nights we've brought DD back into our room, I've been feeding her to sleep lying down. She goes off v happily and within 15 mins or so. I've also given her a gro comforter thing which I shove in between us for every feed. Here's hoping this is a good start. Her daytime sleep is absolutely awful tho- she only slept for about 3 hrs at most today in total. And that's after 3 wakings during the night. Worried that she won't be developing the way she should if she's not getting enough sleep.

Thanks again to all those who offered advice.

Thanks FATE and Minty!

... And good luck Maud!