6 month old - sleep has turned to shit 😢

[DesperateMum123]

I've NC for this as I am so embarrassed about how I feel but I really need some help. I feel like such a terrible Mum

DS has just turned 6 months and was always an 'ok' sleeper. Naps weren't great so I just let him nap on me and this eventually sorted out the night time sleep. He is rocked to sleep and I'm not sure if that is the problem.
He used to have around 3-4 hours of naps a day, mostly 45 mins each time. He would then go to sleep (downstairs with us) around 7-8pm, have dream feed around 11pm, wake 3am and then sleep again until around 7am.

The past week however has broken me. He has been fighting naps, sometimes being awake for 2-3 hours between naps, even with me rocking me, taking him for a walk etc. He then has been fighting bedtime and waking every hour until we get up at 5am.

I've had a fucking gutload of it and I admit that last night I wanted to just put him down and leave the house. Or just give him to someone for them to take him away......or throw myself out of the window. I even put him in his pram and punched the sofa cushions until I cried. I feel so embarrassed by this but I'm at breaking point.

DH is great and always offers help etc but he doesn't get home until late and leaves early in the morning. Also DS has started only settling for me. And will only take his bottle from me.

The past week he has woken up screaming every hour. He literally goes from asleep to full on screaming and nothing consoles him. He is teething and I've been using calpol at night, I have anbesol and granules but he doesn't seem too bothered by his teeth during the day.

He has a lot of milk during the day (around 40oz) and we've started weaning in the last 10 days or so. We even had a day off from solid food yesterday incase it was causing him tummy ache and it was still the same.

I'm now worried that I've caused real problems by allowing him to nap on me and I don't know how to fix it. He has also started pulling his dummy out and then screaming for it, clawing at my clothes and face and generally needs to be touching everything. If he wakes in his cot I put my hand on his chest and hold his hands down but he just claws at me and screams.....

Last night I hissed at him to fucking shut up and could feel the anger rising in me, I'm so ashamed of myself that we've got to this. I always used to be so calm.

I should also add that during the day he is the happiest little boy. He happily plays on his mat or in his highchair while I get on with jobs. This is the DS that everyone sees and they always comment on what a good baby he is and how he is always happy. They never see him after 7pm when it all turns to shit.

Forgot to add that we've even tried cosleeping and it's the same. Grabs his dummy, thrashes around and then goes from awake to screaming (right in my ear) in under 2 seconds.

Just offering sympathy really as I'm in the same boat except it's been going on since 4 months. The only thing keeping me going is the fact I know it will end eventually and that if I have to I will sleep train if it gets to that. There's a lot going on developmentally for them at the moment which I think is part of it.

Thank you, feels good to know we're not the only ones.

The 4 month sleep regression only lasted around 2 weeks for us so I smugly thought we'd bypassed sleep problems, karma is a bitch

I did think about developmental reasons, he has been working on rolling from back to front lately.

Don't panic it's all fixable.
Can you give me the full picture of his routine including naps and food plus milk?

"You can't full a cup from an empty jug"

It sounds cringy and like a cliche, but the first thing you need to consider here is yourself. You cannot solve this if you angry. You cannot solve this if you are exhausted.

You therefore need to first maximise your own sleep, regardless of this creating any perceived unwanted habits, just get yourself into the position where you can face teaching your child about sleep. You need to be 'In a better place' to do that.

So:

• Ask for help. Friends, relations, your DH. As soon as DH comes home, he needs to be taking over so you can have an hour alone in a darkened room. Anyone who offers you any help - ask them to take baby for a walk and the moment they leave go to a dark room and lie down.

• In with the above point, speak to your gp if you are feeling down. PND is often not evident until baby is older.

• sidecar cot or cosleeping (I favour the former, it means I maintain my own bedspace). I know yoy said you tried and "it was the same". Yes, it might be no better. The aim is not for baby's sleep to be easier - it is about naking YOUR sleep easiest while dealing with this. If baby is within arms reach them at least you can do dummy and eeseetkes without moving. Without opening your eyes even.

• do the same (cosleep or sidecar cot) for naps so that you get to rest too. Doesn't matter if it's not long. Doesn't matter if you don't sleep. ANY RELAXATION is what you need. Use every minute you can to lie down and relax. Half an hour with your eyes closed while baby naps, it all helps.

• Lower your expectations in terms of doing stuff in the day. Doesn't matter if you don't go out. Doesn't matter if you do no housework. Doesn't matter if you eat cereal for every meal. You don't need to be at baby classes. Coffee dates can wait. Prioritise slowing your life down. Relax more, chill out more.

We don't follow a fixed routine but it is led by how long his previous naps have been. Milk is roughly every 2.5-3 hours, can't get him to feed any more than that.

An example would be:

Wake 6.15am
Feed 6.45am 6oz milk and some toast/fruit etc around 7.30am
Sleep 8-9.25am

Feed 10am 7oz
Sleep 12pm-12.35pm

Feed 1.30pm 6oz
Sleep 2.40pm-3.30pm

Feed 4.30pm 6oz
Sleep 5pm-6pm

7pm bath, massage and bottle around 7.30pm (6oz)

He is usually then asleep by 8pm and has his last 6-7oz bottle around 11pm.

Last night though he didn't go to sleep until 9.30pm (had another 5oz) and then woke at 11.30pm for another 5oz. From 9.30pm until 7am this morning he was up and down every 1-2 hours.

Some might say that having a nap from 5-6pm is too late but it has always suited him otherwise he wakes around 3-4pm and is inconsolable by 7pm. If he goes down at 7pm is in then awake again by 7.45pm whereas going to sleep at 8pm used to mean he slept until 11pm dream feed.

Timings here are loose, as I say I follow how long his previous naps have been etc

If I try to feed him too 'early' or upon waking he will push the teat out with his tongue and will only feed after around 3 hours since last bottle.

Sorry Fate you responded while I was typing.

Thank you for your advice, I always follow your advice on other threads. I totally agree with you, I feel myself on the slippery slope to depression. At the moment I just feel 'fed up' but can feel my anxiety rising.

We already have his cot against our bed with the side off and this does help with reinserting his dummy.

I just feel like if I take the 'easy' way and carry on rocking him to sleep and allowing him to sleep on me then we'll come across problems when I return to work. On the other hand I don't want to leave him crying so try to do what will comfort him quickest and allow us both to get back to sleep asap.

Desperate, I have no advice, but I am in exactly the same position as you, including the thoughts in the middle of the night and DH up early and back late. You are not alone. Similar situation with the late feed, too.

From the timings you mention, I would try moving to 2 or 3 nap days and stretching awake time.

It looks like your days of short, frequent naps have passed, given that mostly he's sleeping about an hour or more. I use hour naps as an indication it's time to move the routine on to a more 'older baby' structure.

3-nap days are just an interim stage to the aim, which is 2-nap days. The third nap is a shorter power nap, with the aim that most of the daytime sleep hapiens happens in the morning nap and afternoon nap.

So I would have a few busy, busy, busy days to keep him active and busy through his awake times.

Push the morning nap to 9am and start to routine it by the clock. You would want the nap to last until at least 10.30. I would wake baby by 11am if not already awake - because that then helps to set a routine time for the afternoon nap too.

Aim again to routine the afternoon nap by the clock. The longer term aim would be a 2-4pm nap then a 7/7.30pm bedtime.

But as mentioned above, 3-nap days are an interim and he might not make it to 2pm for his afternoon nap just yet. So aim for a 1pm nap initially, sleeping for as long as possible. If he wakes before 2.30pm then chances are you will need to offer an extra power nap around 4.30pm. Cut this nap short, don't let it be longer than 30 minutes and keep bedtime routined at 7/7.30pm.

So start off with naps at 9am, 1pm and 4.30 power nap with a set bedtime, regardless of what time he wakes in the morning. Once he's coping with this, try for 2-nap days.

fate I don't think that a 6 month old baby would go from 5.30 am to 9. He will be way overtired by 9. 8.30 is more reasonable but I am not a huge fan of fixed by the clock schedules.

Depending at what time he wakes up in the morning, try to stretch his awake time to 3 hours ish, maybe 3.5 hours between afternoon nap and bedtime.

The problem here is that one, he could be teething, two he us developing lots of new skillls.

And Op, there is nothing wrong with you putting him down in his cot to count to ten, go to the loo, make yourself a cup of tea. I have been ere, it's bloody hard, but if you feel angry it's better to put your son somewhere safe and take a few deep breaths, even if it means he will cry on his own for a few minutes.

I was going soley from the routine the op wrote in the post above:

"Wake 6.15am"

Would you still try to stretch awake time even if his nap was 45 mins?

This morning he woke at 7am, napped (on me) from 8.40-9.50 and then had another nap from 11.45-12.30. This second nap was in his pram after a walk.

Getting him to nap at set times is easier when we have a day at home but if we have a day out shopping or visiting people for example he sometimes doesn't nap until 10.30am after getting up at 6.30am. We then spend the rest of the day playing the overtired game

Hi Desperatemum
I feel your pain as I have just about to turn 6 month old twins one of whom wakes every hour to hour and a half and takes between 10 mins and 60 mins to resettle. It's horrible and makes me think "why can't you sleep like your sister" anyway my only advice may be controversial but we have just at the weekend booked a sleep trainer for when they turn 7 months so I'm on a countdown till then! Could you do the same? It's made me feel so much better!

Would you still try to stretch awake time even if his nap was 45 mins?

I would certainly try. There will always be a transition period so he may not slot straight into a new routine. But where possible, if start stretching awake times. Maybe he'll manage a day of bigger awake times and 3 naps, then have several days of frequent naps again. Maybe he'll manage 3 hour long naps spaced more evenly through the day.

It's all very unique to the individual what will suit best. But remember that sleep/nap patterns do evolve change, they won't stay the same.

I find that when I have lots to do in the day - shopping, visiting people, playgroup etc- it's a great way to stretch awake time. Like you say, he can stay awake much longer if you are out doing stuff.

I would just try to time this activity around naptimes. Either by making sure we are home in time for the nap, then out and busy through the awake time. Or by planning the trips out to work with a nap on the go - in the pushchair while shopping for example.

So I would make my trips to visit people lunch dates - do then all between 11am to be home by 1/2pm. Likewise food shopping - out the house as soon as poss when baby wakes. But if I was having an amble around a shopping centre type trip, then I might do loads of playing over lunchtime and then out with baby 1.30pm ish - to time it so that baby sleeps while I wander around shopping.

I would aim for something like this
6-6.30 wake up and milk feed
7.30 breakfast of porridge and berries
8.30-9.30 nap
11.00 filling lunch eg avocado mashed up with banana, or salmon fillet and broccoli if he's on protein yet
Sippy cup of milk or plain yoghurt
11.30-2.30 nap
3pm milk feed
5pm dinner of starchy carbs like sweet potato mash
5.30 milk feed
6pm bath
6.15 milk feed
6.30 bed
10.30 dreamfeed which I would drop once protein is fully established in the daytime.

He will sleep much better if he is not rocked or fed to sleep. Try and get him to sleep in his cot, use a lot of patting and white noise if you need.

PS if he cannot manage a big nap in the middle of the day then do a power nap 3.30 - 4.15 and a 7pm bedtime

No specific advice but I remember being in much the same place as you OP, and sometimes feeling at breaking point, cushion punching, swearing at the baby under my breath etc. I can't remember what we did other than muddle through but things will get better.

Thanks to everyone for the advice. I'm going to try and stretch his awake time and just relax about it all a bit more. And definitely take your advice Fate of putting myself first now and again to make sure I'm in a good place. I'm sure DS picking up on my anxious vibes doesn't do his sleep any good either.

and for those of you who are also going through this.

Take care of yourself OP. Rest and replenishment are vital.