Feeling really low about naps, please reassure me

[xhannahx]

So I have a beautiful 12 week old daughter who generally speaking is a pretty good sleeper at night...she wakes a couple of times, but naps are a bit of a nightmare and are starting to really worry me.

If I let her settle on me she can sleep for hours, however in her cot, pram and car seat she will not nap longer than 30 mins. I have tried wake to sleep, and resettling her after 30 mins, but it never ever works, she is totally awake and wide eyed.

Usually, after her 30 min nap she is back to her bubbly chatty self, but all the books and websites I have read say that a) anything less than an hour isn't a real nap, and that b) if they don't nap for 5-6 hours a day at her age it affects her development and brain.

Unless I stay in with her all the time, I can't get her to nap for more than 30mins at a go, and today it has had me in tears. I just want to do the best by my little girl and feel like I am letting her down.

I also worry that I will never get her into a routine where she takes a nap in her cot, and that I will be battling a 2 year old in the future.

Someone please reassure me, I'm a ftm.

Sounds normal to me! Most babies are either good night sleepers or good mappers, you seem to have a night sleeper! For the first year my baby didn't sleep at night for longer than 90 mins, but napped fine.
I wouldn't worry at all! As long as you're getting sleep at night xx

Sounds fine. Rather 30 mins than her getting in the habit of napping on you!

My girl naps on me in car or pram barely in the cot. I use the time when she naps on me to rest myself have a brew catch up on tv i leatnt to embrace it

DD only slept for 30 minutes from 4 to 6 months. It's slowly starting to extend now. Just put her down often (after an hour or so up at her age). Ignore the books. You can't actually make them stay asleep.

Oh god, the amount of time I wasted with ds1 trying to resettle after half an hour because I also read the thing about 'not a proper nap'.....Longer naps will happen with time, I promise you. Both of mine were taking longer naps by around 6 months. With ds1, I spent HOURS by his cot trying to pat him back to sleep. With ds2 I thought 'fuck it' and didn't. Same outcome.

Don't worry at this age. Honestly, my daughter is now 14 months old and I've spent her whole life so far constantly worrying about everything I do with her. Is it right? Is it wrong? How do other people do it? I am only just learning to trust my instincts as a mum, ignore and judgement which hasn't been asked for and only worry about what is best for me and my baby. I wish I had enjoyed being her more so far and not spent the whole time fretting.

At 12 weeks Ds napped entirely on me or in his baby gym, he was 16 weeks before daytime cot naps in the afternoon started! At 8 months now he will sleep all night, an hour in the morning in his cot - afternoon is a battle I am winning but it's been a fucking hard one!!

Stop reading and worrying is my advice. I did and still do exactly the same and it's just a stress inducer. I agree with the above some are better night sleepers than nappers- Ds wasn't a big napper as a new born in all honesty. Spent a lot of time awake.

Just snuggle in with the remote control. I miss it so very much now he's too big to sleep on my chest.

Dts were catnappers - they never slept for more than 40 minutes until they consolidated to a long nap in the middle of the day when they were about 13mo.

Normal! Both mine did this. Longer naps will come in time; in the meantime it's just a PITA.

I wasted blood, sweat and a lot of tears with DD1 thinking it was my fault and I must he doing something wrong. It really blighted my mat leave and made me feel like I was a less good mum than those whose babies had 'proper' naps. About 8 months she just worked it out for herself. DD2 got there a bit sooner, about 6 months. Still sometimes does catnap at 9months, but she's much more reliable at longer sleeps these days.

In your shoes I'd keep an eye on awake times, and also try various ways/places to get her napping so you have more than one method at play. Long naps on you help teach her to take longer naps; shorter naps in the cot or buggy get her used to a bitmore independence. So I'd say just keep mixing it up and at some point you'll get longer naps that don't pin you to the sofa.

I'd echo above its been a massive blight on my mat leave that I wish I could change, I wound myself up so much yet he's slept through consistently for at least six months! I think it was a loss of me time and I craved some - him sleeping meant I got a little bit.

All normal.

Personally I would embrace 30 minute naps off me, keeping them frequent to ensure enough sleep (say 60-90m awake time between naps). Naps in something moving (bouncy chair for example) even better because you can then bounce to get baby to sleep.

The naps can start extending when baby is developmentally ready. Only once naps are longer would I bother with cot naps.

I think you just have unrealistic expectations, that's all. 💛

Ignore the books.

IGNORE THE BOOKS.

Both of my daughters are / were cat nappers. With DD1 I drove myself insane trying to get her to nap in her cot (didn't want to create a "rod for my own back" cuddling her to sleep!) and trying to resettle to no avail after 30 min.

It was all a waste of time as I have now learnt it is entirely developmental and many babies simply aren't ready to nap for longer until around 8 months. Like fate says, at that point you can start trying to put them down in the cot.

DD2 is 4.5 months and exactly the same but I just accept it and let it work for me rather than stressing. If the weather is crap and I don't have to be anywhere I just snuggle on the sofa with her and she'll generally sleep for longer. She will also sleep for longer in the sling - up to 2 hours but only in the morning.

DD1 has just turned 2 and falls asleep by herself in her cot for nap time and bedtime. She'll nap for 2-3 hours after lunch and sleeps through 10-11 hours at night generally without a peep. It was only when she started crawling and eating more solids that she started to sleep for longer - I don't know whether this was coincidence or cause and effect but there was a definite change at 8 months when she suddenly started sleeping for longer.

Until then, Don't waste your precious maternity leave stressing about it. Ignore the books!

Big hugs - I know how exhausting it is having to put them to sleep all the time!

I understand where you're coming from. But I would say that whatever you're doing at night must be working and must be good, and that's a good chunk of rest for you as well, so hold on to that. I'm sure that'll stand you in good stead.

Mine is a regular napper and fairly textbook BUT...will ONLY nap in car/cot. Personally, I don't mind too much but it does restrict my movements in the day. If she napped in other ways, I'd have a lot more freedom!

My boys didn't really 'get' naps properly until about 7-8 months old. They were cat mappers till then. With DS1 I let him sleep on me and eventually he was Abel to settle liver in his cot or the car (never napped in his buggy though). DS2 napped in a sling for first 4-5 months due to reflux and then gradually was able to move to a cot. Short naps only until about 7-8 months then gradually moved to longer ones. Hang in there!!

Aww chloechloe that was lovely of you to post. I'm in similar situation to OP and have got myself so upset because my little boy doesn't nap like the books say he should. I have spent so much money on every sleep book out there only for me and my baby to end up in tears.

I have 4 months of maternity leave left and don't want to look back and regret trying to force my baby to do what a book says.

Thanks for the kick up the bum I needed!

Xxx

Sounds completely normal!

Only thing I would say is is she windy when she wakes up? If she's upright on you and flat on her back in pram then could be you need to wind her longer after a feed before you lay her to sleep? Car seats as well don't seem to be quite the right angle to let wind out.

Thank you for all your advice ladies, it's nice to know I'm not alone with this problem.

I'm trying to be more positive today but it's really hard.

I have quite a few mummy friends however all of their babies seem to nap whenever wherever...how do you cope when your out and lo needs to sleep eg at someone's house?

Dd seems to always without fail cry on me for a few minutes before falling asleep and it makes me feel so embarrassed, like I must seem like a terrible mum :(

I have a five month old and I feel like a failure when I see the other Nct babies having long naps in their cots! Mine sleeps on me or in the buggy which means I don't get much time to get things done, but I'm starting to get her to self-settle and when she doesn't, I enjoy the cuddle!

The best day of my mummy life was when I stopped reading books etc on what babies 'should' be doing.

My first was like yours. He settled into a proper nap routine after 6 months.
My second (19 weeks) naps well, a bit too well really, and sleeps quite poorly at night.

Ds at night falls into the deepest sleep known to mankind. How he knows to do that I have no idea but you can put him to bed no problem. Or even if he's awake he gets its bedtime and goes down.

The second he touches the mattress in the daytime is another story but he generally goes to sleep within a couple of minutes. It's taken a long time to get here though!

Schedule your meet ups around naps - that's what everyone else is doing. Meet up when suits you only! That's the secret of all these mums that look like it's easy - they just do what suits their baby when.

Get a sling and go for walks! Good for napping (and my mummy tummy!) My Ds is 5 months old and generally has one longish (1.5 hours)nap in the morning then cat naps the rest of the day unlesd we are out in the sling. Dont waste these precious months worrying about naps. My DD is 4 and fought daytime naps and it has done her no harm!