Help! My 3 year old is breaking us!

[Smurfsrock]

Dd is just turned 3. Sleep has been horrific since 6m old. Current pattern is wake-up 10.30, 12, 1.30, 3, 4, 5, then she has a big screaming fit demanding milk and to come into our bed and usually goes back to sleep until 6ish. I also have a 1yo who generally needs a cuddle at 4am and likes to start the day at 5!

DH has a physical job and is starting to make stupid errors from lack of sleep. I find it impossible to drive some days as I'm so tired. DH gets up to her sometimes too, and usually does the 5am start as I'm knackered by then. We spend a lot of time sleeping in her room but it doesn't stop her screaming and the bed just isn't as good as ours so we get a bit sore! If she sleeps with us she has to lie on top of me pretty much so I still can't sleep!

Any ideas?

Pay for a night nanny to sort it out?

Or start on a Thursday of proper sleep training.

The millpond sleep clinic book is very good.

Sounds AWFUL

What do you do with her when she wakes up at 10:30, 12, 1:30, 3? Does she have milk or attention, play etc?

Wondering if she's got an incentive for waking. My daughter woke screaming for milk at similar times until I night weaned her.

Sounds awful, you have my sympathies.

Is she scared of anything?
Ask her if anything bothers her in the night.
you could try a night light, if she's scared of the dark.

3 you say?

Time to lay down the law! (And I'm a bit crunchy so don't usually go in for this style, but geez-you'll lose the plot if you don't sort that out!)

You're sure she's not in pain and there's nothing else going on? If so, id prepare for three nights of sheer hell where you deal with it. Tell her in the daytime that she cannot sleep in your bed any more-it's too small and it's hurting you. (Not that she's hurting you-the bed is too small is why it's hurting)

So she'll have to sleep in her own bed. She can come in when it's light for a morning cuddle, but not before.

Keep a light on so if she wakes in the night she's not scared out a drink by her bed. Explain at bedtime that everyone wakes up in the night but three year olds are big girls and big girls can go back to sleep without screaming. Babies scream in the night-and she's not a baby, is she?

And if she plays up, you put her back to bed, repeatin that she is a big girl. Back to bed. Not a baby. Hurting because the beds too small and she can come in in the morning for a morning cuddle.

If you want to introduce a reward, tell her that if she sleeps in her bed all night, she can have xxx from xxx but make sure she understands what all night means.

And repeat. It won't take long, honest. You just got to win a battle of wills.

Thanks ladies. Have had a horrid week for other reasons and her sleep is still terrible!

Thanks for the book recommendation Povertyjetset I have seriously considered a night nanny, even just for a few nights respite. Just can't find one here (and don't have a spare bed for her to sleep in!)

Incognitoburrito - Other times when she wakes up I go in, reassure her, offer a drink, turn white noise on (she has a cloud b sheep!) I can't find any consistent reason for her screaming/crying. Sometimes just seems to be because she has woken up and is groggy, other times a bad dream, other times she just wants milk (I don't give her milk until 5am unless desperate, ie mega tantrum)

Sittingaround1 - she does seem to get bad dreams, sometimes wakes scared of a mouse/spider on her face, or a cow biting her. There is a night light on, and it seems pretty bright to me (keeps me awake if i' m sleeping in the room!)

DoItTooJulia - Thanks, I'm reasonably crunchy too lol I
don't think she's in pain. 2yo molars are in, ears seem ok. Eczema has flared up a bit lately, but only past couple of nights, not 2 years lol! She is a VERY determined soul! Her tantrums are huge and persistent so she might out willpower me. I've been telling her this last week that I will sit with her a few minutes, but I'm not staying while she sleeps. TBF she normally goes back to sleep ok unless she's had a bad dream, it's more the waking so bloody often.

I feel your pain. My youngest was like this but it was about 3.5 I cracked and solved it with a combination of getting really cross, bribery of a chocolate button in the morning if she had stayed in her own bed all night and a mattress on my floor that she could come through to as long as she did it quietly and didn't disturb me.
I also bought a gro clock although that was roundly ignored.
You need a few nights where you know you can go back to bed in the morning so that you can be really firm in the night.
When she woke I would take her for a wee in case that was disturbing her, offer a drink, then quick kiss and back into bed. Minimal chat.
Obviously she would then cry for me or follow me out where I gave the option of going back to her own bed and reminded her of the chocolate button or she could come to the mattress in my room but no chocolate in the morning.
I also made a massive fuss of her and went out of my way to be the nicest mummy in the world on the mornings where we had had a good night so that she could see the correlation between bad nights and my bad mood.
It is hard though because they are so irrational in the middle of the night.
I have also realised that my DD doesn't actually need as much sleep as the average child her age so she goes to bed slightly later and I accept that anything past 6 counts as a lie in.
Good luck.