Controlled crying - the only way?

[moominmummy]

My dd has never slept through the night (now 7 months). I am too soft hearted according to my husband and should let her cry until she returns to sleep. Last night I tried to leave her at 10pm. My husband went in a couple of times and then I caved in after 40 minutes and fed her (breast). I know that it is a comfort thing for her but I do not have it in me to leave her to cry for long strecthes of time. Any suggestions would be gratefully received. She normally only wakes up once but still at 7 months surely I should expect a few interupted nights!

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It sounds as if any regime like CC would put more emotional prssure on you than the once-a-night waking - in which case, leave it! Is the once a night waking doing you in, or are you just feeling that your dd 'should' have reached a stage of sleeping through without you? DS took much much lnger to sleep without a cuddle and a feed, but it wasn't too much of a problem, so we left it. I'm of the 'settle them quickly and calmly before they get worked up' school of thought if the waking is 'handleable' for you, and that works for the child.

Try the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley (think I've spelled her name right?) - offers a strategy for non-CC methods, but isn't really a quick solution like CC - is supposed to be very effective though.

I used CC with ds1, but that was before I read this - her ideas for younger babies' sleep were really useful, so I'm hoping the older babies' section will be spot on too.

I think all babies vary. Dd slept through mostly from about 3-4 months but would still occasionally wake at night and I just used to feed her. And hardly any other kids I knew started to really sleep through until nearly a year old.

Does she settle herself to sleep on her own at bedtime and nap times?

Although many experts say that a baby can sleep right through the night at six months, this will only happen if they are getting enough to eat during the day. Controlled crying will work within three to seven days for most babies if the they have not learned the wrong sleep assocations and are not waking up really hungry. Are you sure that she is taking three to four full breast feeds, plus solids three times a day. If she weighs over sixteen pounds she would need to be eating at least six tablespoonfuls of food at each meal to meet her daily requirements. This would also have to be home-made food, as commercially made food is not as dense and will not satisfy the needs of a baby the same.
Also check that her protein meal includes around around thirty to fifty grams of animal protein in the recipe that you are using.

If she wakes at 10pm I would assume that she is hungry and feed her from both breasts. It is pointless to leave her to cry for 40 minutes and then feed her as you are only teaching her to cry.
Controlled crying should never be attempted unless you are one hundred per cent sure that the baby is not really hungry. If your baby only wakes up once in the night between 7pm and 7am and settles back to sleep until the morning after she is fed, then she probably does still need the feed, and would not drop it until you increase her day time solids. Increasing day time solids should always be done gradually so tht the baby does not get indigestion or sicks up.

Personally, for my kids, I'd say that if I hadn't been prepared to tolerate some crying to sleep then I honestly think I may never have had an unbroken night's sleep yet.....
The hardest thing I ever did was sleep training ds1 for daytime naps. I do think it was completely essential for his well-being though. Anything I did at night was pretty painless in comparison.

Blimey, ginababe, my 21 month old doesn't eat 6 tablespoons of food at each meal let alone a 7 month old!

Ginababe, you're scaring me!

My six-month old dd2 sleeps through the night, but only eats between 1 and maybe 6 TEAspoonfuls of solids ONCE a day. No idea what that is in grammes it's never occurred to me to weigh it. Nor had it ocurred to me to divide it into protein vs. other stuff she just gets whatever came in our organic fruit and veg box, with cereal mixed in if I can find any.

I also have no idea what she weighs, but she doesn't appear to be wasting away.

Now am I a crap mum, or what?

The message was meant specifically Moominmummy and certainly not meant to scare anyone else. The needs of a six month old baby can be very different from that of a seven month old.
By six months old a baby has used up all the stored iron in his body that he was born with. That is why it is important, particularly for breast fed babies to receive foods with enough iron in them.
Of course lots of babies may sleep through eating much less food, but if a baby is waking up in the night it is very possible that they are not getting enough to eat or the right balance of food. The amounts I mentioned were assuming that moominmummy was aiming to get her baby sleeping from 7/8pm to 6/7am.
Many babies do thrive happily on less amounts of food than I mentioned, but their needs are probably being met by drinking more milk.
The main point of my message was to advise moominmummy not to try controlled crying unless she was one hundred per cent sure that her baby could get through the night without a feed

DS -14 months only started to sleep through from about a year. He always settled himself off to sleep but when he woke he yelled so I just fed. Sorry, but it was the easiest thing in the world to do (as BF) and it got us all through it and he didn't wake DD either. Now when he wakes he moans a bit and goes off to sleep again. We did do CC with DD when she was about 7 months but she was a different temperament entirely and had to do withdrawl(!! the one where you get further and further away as she settles ) later on anyway. Each one is different and you need to do what you think will work the best with your child and family IMO.

I am reassured. Thank you. You hear so much about setting up bad habits that sometimes I find it hard to follow my instincts. I will feed her at 10 if she wakes and hope that when she has a bigger appetite sleeping becomes more prolonged for all of us. I have been trying to cut out a feed in the morning so I guess this is a knock on effect. She doesn't have a great appetite and although she is on three meals a day they are never a large quantity. You are all fabulous!

I'd agree with Twiglett that I preferred the "Baby Whisperer" by Tracey Hogg pick up/ put down method.
I think there are details on her website and it's gentler on you too.
Is she falling back to sleep on the breast - that could be a sign that she's using you for comfort.

ELLIOT,
How did u do sleep training for daytime naps exaclty?

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Phew, Twiglett, that's a relief. I was looking at a tablespoon earlier and thinking I'm lucky if dd eats 6 a day let alone 6 a meal!!

Last night dd woke up three times!! I have read the Baby Whisperer and thought it sounded good in principle. Think it is time to try it but I am still going to give a feed at 10 if she wakes up. I am going back to work in two weeks so have been playing with her food schedules. If she would take a bottle or cup then I probably would be a bit more in control but it is breast or nothing. (That's a whole different issue).

moominmummy -- I'm a big fan of 10.30pm feed. I used to get dd2 up, put her on the boob half asleep, let her feed as much she could, change nappy to wake her up again, and then give her the other side, before putting her back to bed.

I carried on doing this until post-6 months, because she isn't really that wild about solids, and I thought she's start waking up out of hunger. I tried dropping the feed last week and in fact she didn't wake up, but if she did start waking in the night for food, I'd reinstate the late-evening feed. I would be very unkeen on feeding her during the actual night (as opposed to late evening), partly cos I hate getting up (!) but also because I want her to be in the habit of being asleep at that time.

Does that make sense?