My beautiful little daughter won't sleep in cot

[ProudFather1981]

Hi everyone

I know it says MUMsnet but I need help from the experts here. My wife gave birth to my princess 3 days ago and I'm already hooked on my daughter, I'm nappy check and changing, haven't slept in a week to try and give mum some time out and we have notice she only really likes to sleep in daddy's arms. We try to put her down but within 5 mins she cries, so we are doing shifts to either feed her, or me hold her to sleep. I've been reading constantly and worrying my mind and only this morning after 1 hour sleep in 36 hours started crying worrying how vulnerable she is and listening to her crying wondering what I'm doing wrong. All we want is her to try and sleep in her cot but she just doesn't like it. I fear daddy might have spoilt her with allot of snuggles and now she doesn't want anything else.,please help! For both my poor hard working wife's sanity and mine!

Oh bless! This whole 'not wanting to go down in the cot and sleep peacefully' thing came as a massive surprise to me to! I thought that's what babies did! It turns out it's actually highly unusual for a baby to do that though - prayer Cally a myth.

You haven't spoiled the Baby with snuggles though. It's natural for them to want human contact at all times. Separation is new, up until 3 days ago your baby hadn't experienced being a separate entity before. She hadn't experienced hunger or disco!fort of any kind.

There are loads of things you can try though. You can accept that she wants to be close to you and co-sleep or carry in a sling. If this isn't going to work for you you could try swaddling I'm the cot or using a sleep sack or snuggle pod. You could try warming the cot before you put them down and putting something with your scent in with them. You could buy something like a baby hammock or Ewan the dream sheep.

Most importantly though, don't try to put the baby down to early in the sleep cycle; you want to wait at least 15-20 mins after they fall asleep before gently placing them I'm the cot and slowly removing your arms.

I hope you find something that works for you soon xxx

Yeah that's normal. They're like wee baby monkeys who want to cling onto your fur for the first month.

This is why things like Sleepyhead's or Cocoonababys exist. So you can slide them into the bed beside you. Look into them.

Some people buy Next To Me sidecar cots and out a Sleepyhead in it. That's reportedly good for sliding them in. Babies tend to do better on their side on transfer too with a muslin propping them. But you must slide it out within a few mins so they sink slowly back, as they need to sleep on their back as per SIDS guidelines.

This next month is going to be grim sleepwise. It's not just the frequent wakings with small babies, it's that they can only sleep on you. Throw as much money at it as possible. It will be worth every penny.

Oh yes, as said above, pointless trying to transfer before her arms go floppy.

I'd say don't throw money at the 'problem' - it isn't a problem yet. Think of her as not really born yet. Until Wednesday she was living in a big safe bubble of warmth , constant cuddle and never ending food. She's not going to get used to the change as fast as you're expecting! And neither are you.
You're doing everything right.
You're doing nothing wrong

Is it a full size cot ? try a Moses basket this worked for me cots seem like a big space for a little newborn who's used to been all cosy

Try googling the fourth trimester

Look at safe co-sleeping guidelines.

Trying to stay awake holding a baby is really risky and if you have one that won't go down, it can really help to take the path of least resistance.

Congratulations daddy! And it sounds like you're being really supportive to your wife. Definitely read through about 4th trimester it really explains what babies need when born. The suggestions above are good and just have faith that this will gradually get better. I didn't believe it when I was in your shoes 12 weeks ago. It it does but by bit.

Only thoughts are- you don't say what your plans are whether you'll be back at work in a couple of weeks or if you have more time with your DD. If you are returning to work, try to support your wife in caring for DD rather than always being main carer. My DH helped me abd I remember thinking he was so much better than I was and it was tough when he went to work. She's definitely needs rest but then so do you by the sound of things. Watch out for the day 3 emotional rollercoaster.

Definately look up fourth trimester, my DD was nicknamed koala baby. She let go of me after about a year!

Is the swaddled?

Congratulations on your darling girl.
You have done nothing wrong. Babies sleeping on their own and away from parents is a social conscript and against their instinct for survival.

Babies feel safest when they can smell, hear, feel and see their parents as they are the people who will keep them safe from harm. As a result they will feel stressed and protest when they are alone. It is their survival mechanism.

You have, as I see it two choices. You can either keep her with you, by reading up on co-sleeping guidelines, or you could try and recreate the feeling of you being near for her, by swaddling, using white noise, and putting your t-shirt or something that smells of you both near her.

I third reading about the 4th trimester. Your daughter only knows the dark, warmth, smell and sound of your if being inside your wife. The whole world, including feeding is new and scary. Your baby can't regulate her own breathing or temperature so needs to be next your wife or you to do so.

We are just animals and no other animal would put their baby in a box away from them to sleep.

Look up the ISIS guide to cosleeping and TICKS guidelines for slings.

Congratulations. The new born phase is so very difficult but it does get much easier.