8mo gradual retreat / naps

[user1491425603]

Hi all

So my 8mo DD has always been good at sleeping through the night but was always rocked to sleep. We decided a couple of weeks ago to try to get her to self settle as she went through a couple of weeks of hourly waking. Now we're taking her to bed at usual time, doing bottle etc the same but she's pulling herself up on the side of the cot for a good 90 mins after putting her in cot. I feel I have to lie her back down constantly otherwise she eventually falls and bangs her head, we have to then give her attention (obviously) but she's right back up again seconds later. Any ideas?? I know it's becoming a game with the standing and lying but she's so intent on standing I just can't win!
Also how do you alter their naps in order to make bedtime earlier?? Currently she's having 2 x 30 mins morning and lunch, then wants her big nap late afternoon, meaning she's only up 2 hours before bed time which can't be helping!
Sorry for long post

Regarding her naps, I'd drop one of the two short morning naps to them being the third nap earlier in the day. A good approximation for the timings of 2 naps is 234 - first nap 2h after waking, 2nd nap 3h after waking from the first nap and bedtime 4h after waking from 2nd nap.

Regarding standing in the cot, have you tried leaning into the cot yourself when you lie her down and using your hands to stroke/part and generally physically keep her lying down.

Will try that - thanks, and I'll give the nap timings a shot too!

I did gradual withdrawal with ds, he was older though about 12months but incredibly clumsy! He also did the standing and walking up and down the cot. I'm not sure if your dd is too young for this but I used to pat the mattress (I sat on the floor) and say sit down, which he did catch onto quite quickly. The first few nights though I was leaning into the cot patting, shushing, singing etc to prevent crying and getting up. It was a while before I 'withdrew' to the stage of no attention, but then I don't 'do' crying at all. It worked though, if taking longer than most.

She's so good, doesn't cry at all when we're doing it (massive bonus), just insists on getting up. Ha ha. Will try to keep her down tonight, think I was too focused on not giving her attention in case that kept her up more!

I gave a lot of attention to start with. It did result in being able to put him in the cot awake, switch his mobile on and leave the room though. Took a couple of months in total but prior to that he'd been fed to sleep every night and been difficult to transfer to the cot. He's 20 months old now and has had a consistently good bedtime since (apart from a couple of weeks around ds2 birth when his dad messed it up.......)

Exactly as Notta says, more attention is whats needed, not less.

I don't buy into this idea that you should ignore, avoid eye contact and all of that. Time will come when baby doesn't need your attention to get to sleep, but at first baby needs to feel comforted and reassured. Ignoring her calls for attention is not going to help her feel reassured and comforted.

So quite the opposite, bedtime is about getting Mummy's sole and total attention. Given that I have four children, getting Mummy's undivided and complete attention for half an hour is a very positive thing.

I give constant eye contact, lots of physical touch, smiles, little whispers of nice things. Solidly and completely.

As an aside, I cannot put into words just how wonderful it is to watch, with undivided attention, your baby go from awake to calm and then watch the process of going to sleep. First signs of eye lid drooping, then flicking open, then closing for a few minutes with little flickers to open eyes for a few seconds. Until finally fully asleep.

It is truly a wonderful thing to watch and you cant get to see that unless

• baby starts off awake in the cot
• you stay until baby is fully asleep
• you give your full attention throughout

I got something right!