Coping with tiredness/sleep deprivation

[Sparrowlegs248]

How do you do it? I am beyond exhausted. I'm awake most nights from 3am, some nights from 12/1. Ds2 has reflux and often can't be left to.lay down. During the day its not too bad as I use a carrier to keep him upright, and bouncy chair which props him up too, or carpet when going out. After a day.of being mostly upright he settles in the evening OK. Husband settles him and gives a bottle.is needed (bf rest of time) while I put ds1 to.bed. Once I've cooked and eaten and had a wash, it's often 9/10 pm. I might sit for half an hour but am.often in bed 9/10 and can't get it any earlier try as I might. Unless I don't eat.

Ds1 sleeps.through mostly and husband has him if ds2 wakes @12/1 feeds, and has to be held up for at least 30 minutes, wakes again @3 and I often can't get him.back down as I tonight. He's feeding again now but when I put him down at 4am ish, he was very uncomfortable. He groans as nd grunts, writes around, coughs, chokes, is sick, gasps etc. So obviously I can't just leave him and couldn't sleep though it if I did. He's on ranitidine but I think he needs the dosage upping, seeing paediatrician Thursday.

Cant nap in the day as I have both ds to look after. Driving home last night I was incredibly tired after a particularly bad night. Sitting here now struggling to stay awake but trying to keep ds upright.

I don't know what I'm asking really.

I've just read a few of your posts, I really hope you have some luck with the dr today.

Have I read it right that your baby has a bottle before bed (formula?). Could be a dairy intolerance if he seems the most unsettled after that bottle. Due to the fact you only give one bottle per day you could ask the dr for one tin of formula, nutramigen or neocate (should last a while?) and monitor to see if there's an improvement in the night.
Babies with cmpi/cmpa usually also suffer from reflux as well so it's still worth pursuing an increase/change in reflux medication along side that. Good luck today OP

Thanks ponder he actually settles best after the bottle, he normally has it around 7/8pm and then sleeps til about 1. He was managing a bf then, then sleeping til 3.30 than being unsettled but it's got much worse these last few days. I did do a few days with no formula, no bottle, and there was no change. Also started out giving ebm but just couldn't keep up with expressing.

OP I feel your pain with a non-sleeping baby. Mine is 18wks and hitting a sleep regression hard at the mo.

Just wanted to say, that I bought a 'Kangaroo Care' top when DS was born coz I had to sleep upright (various reasons). He's way too big for it now, and we're doing ok co-sleeping at the mo, but it was my savour for a while (I was just terrified of falling asleep holding him and the risk of SIDS etc) so my doula recommended the top. It's basically a really tight top so that you can wear baby and sleep upright (and they can't go anywhere!). It's not the best night's sleep you'll ever have, but I found it better than nothing. I also bought a cheap prop (like a half-deckchair) from Argos to keep me supported in bed whilst upright.

Also, forget the dinner/washing up/ washing thing and get to bed in the evening when both DCs go down, especially if DH gives a bottle!! It's well-researched that babies don't sleep well after 3/4am, and the best, most beneficial sleep for you is before midnight anyway. So eat with DC1 at 5ish (even if it's nuggets and chips) and get yourself off to bed as soon as they're down! I love to do this if DS (ever) goes down in the evening, even just one or two hours. If I get a couple of hours in before midnight, I can face most events in the early hours and feel ok the next day.

Trouble is, my DS won't sleep in the evening now either so make the most of it when baby does sleep!!

The kangaroo care tops look fabulous! Only trouble is ds us huge, 10lb13 at birth and 13 lb when he was last weighed 2-3 weeks ago, so I imagine he'd be too big soon if not already.

Hmmm, then take heed of my other advice OP and grab that sleep when you can! Get DH to sit with DS and sleep!!

Good luck x

Hi OP, I don't have much advice to offer but just some reassurance. My DS has reflux and we've had minimal help from the doctor. Two months ago, he was sleeping for 45 mins at a time then waking up screaming, sometimes for a couple of hours(I posted a thread on here). He's on 2ml 3x daily ranitidine plus I've cut out dairy and this appears to have had a good effect. He's nearly 6 months and is now only waking twice during the night for a feed. He's also a big lad! I miss dairy desperately (serious decaf mocha habit!!) but it's worth it to see DS more settled. I think it would be worth you giving it a shot to see if there's any improvements? It took a couple of weeks for us. We've also started weaning which could have helped. The best of luck...I just wanted you to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel!

Op as you do have another child I can see how it would be. I can barely cope with the 1 so well done.
Its so hard when you don't actually know what is wrong. Ive also cut out dairy, caffeine, chocolate, broccoli, beans and spicy foods. It is hard.

I used to eat my dinner with DD in a sling in front of me sitting up. DH would generally help to make it when he got in from work and we'd attempt to eat at reasonably normal times. DD would also be ok sitting up in her high chair (pretty young as it went back a good bit) so I could get on with cooking.

I also got her involved in cooking from an early age - so would you be able to put DS2 into a chair and get DS1 to "help" make dinner together in the afternoons? Or do other chores together, making them into a game? They might take longer to do that way, but keeps DS1 occupied and also gets some bits done, and gives you interaction with him too.

Things like regular knife (not sharp kitchen knife) to cut mushrooms. Grating some cheese (supervised). Mixing eggs with a fork. Mixing things in bowls. Spooning out ingredients into bowls ready to cook with - flour, sugar, herbs, spices, or pasta/rice into the pots (while still cold). Filling the kettle, or measuring liquids like milk. Or other chores like sweeping, setting the table, bringing in clothes from the line, passing pegs to hang out clothes, hovering together. Washing up was always loved but that needs a waterproof apron and time to clean up afterwards!

One job that I used to save for after the mid-morning feed was making the bed. As a very young DD would be able to be propped up between the pillows for the time after the feed she needed to stay upright (at least 30 minutes), and I could make the bed around her, flapping the sheets in her face (great giggles!) and lean in for tickles too.

I did hate it as I had to eat a very very very bland diet for quite a few months - carrots, potatoes, and plain grilled meat/fish with no spices, no onions, no garlic etc.......most veg were problematic too.

Well the best laid plans and all that......

Ds1 went to Mil this afternoon for the night. Ds2 and I got home around 4.30. He was awake when we got home. And bloody stayed awake until 8.30. I fed him, juggled him.on my shoulder, wandered about the house and garden with him.on my shoulder (always works......) bounced him in bouncy chair. Tried dummy. Had planned to get him to sleep and cook dinner. And eat it and bed.

H came home and took over. He had a bottle then bf again. Eventually dropped off. So have just made it to bed. Fx for a better night.

Will he feed lying down? I know it sounds as if it won't work with reflux, but DD2 had silent reflux, really unsettled all night like you describe, but seemed ok lying on her side with me. I found I didn't have to hold her up after feeds or anything. I lay facing her with her head in the crook of my elbow while she fed and I was able to sleep at the same time.

I haven't tried for a while actually. I will though I'd it helps! I Co slept and fed laying down with ds1 from 7 weeks so hopefully could manage it.

I feel your pain. It is so hard. Ds4 is 6 weeks and has silent reflux too. I've had a colicky baby before but nothing like this. My saving grace is eating food with my other children at 5pm. It sounds so early but it's the only way I have any hope of getting to bed early. Then my DH puts the 3 older ones to bed when he gets home and holds the baby while I get ready for bed. It means our nights start at 7pm but it's not forever and it means there's a chance of me getting an hour or 2 of sleep before midnight. Tonight my husband got home late so took the baby at 8.30pm as I was at the end of my tether. By wearing him in a sling he slept until 11.30pm so I actually had 3 hours sleep in a row for the 1st time in 6 weeks!! I miss time with my husband but without sleep I am a mess so something has to be sacrificed. Also not sure if you have a cook near you. They sell frozen home cooked food so you can just put it in the oven without all the preparation time. It's beyond exhausting but it will pass. Last thing to sleep sitting up I put pillows and/ or rolled up towels under my arms and have DS4 not on my chest but in my arms sat up. Because he's resting on my arms and my arms are supported by pillows he can't move so I can sleep without worrying. Good luck!

Thanks lrb it's so bloody hard isn't it? I struggled at this stage with ds1 but c osleeping massively helped. Better night tonight, been able to put him down after feeds, still holding up for at least half an hour but better than holding all night

You have my utmost sympathies. It is utterly soul destroying. Ds2 didn't sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time from birth until about 18 months. I have never known exhaustion like that. We tried everything, but nothing made any difference; it might help for a night or two but then it was right back to no sleeping. In the end I just gave in. Napped when i could, went to bed ridiculously early, conserved my energy as much as possible. It was hell.
And then it stopped. Ds2 turns 2 next week, which means we've had 6 months of proper sleeping, all through the night (although he wakes early, 5.30 every morning), and he naps once a day for 2 hours, goes down like a dream. It's like a completely different child.
There is hope. Hang in there! Oh and coffee, lots of it.

kitchenwitch ds1 was like that, I didn't find it too bad as I only had him so could rest during the day, didn't sleep as such but would sit and feed/cuddle etc.

This time though, I can't rest in the day and sometimes am awake from 12.30/1pm. Not last night though, it wasn't great by any stretch. Most people would be horrified in fact, but it was better.

Oh and yes to improvement! Ds1 sleeps through now, 20 months old. Never would have thought it. But another year or more of this will probably make me I'll.

Nottalotta feel free to email me at [email protected] x Katie-Jane