9 month old waking so much- at my wits end

[Funlovinmummy]

Hi,
I haven't really posted much on here before but I am at my wits end. I've been crying all day- I can't remember the last day where I didn't cry at some point.

Im mummy to a 9month DS who doesn't sleep. Initially he slept really well, only waking once or twice in the night. But since 4 months he is waking constantly. Often he is awake in the middle of the night for hours. I can't leave him as he screams and screams. Last night he woke every 15 minutes until 12, then he stayed awake from 12-3 screaming.
He is still having 5 bottles a day, 2 of which are at night. He has three meals a day plus snacks. I've tried to ween him off the night feeds but have had no luck. He has a good bedtime routine and regular bedtime.
He usually has one nap a day as he refuses naps but we always try to get him to have two.
He is teething but this has been constant for the last 5 months and he's fine in the day.
He has a dummy but I'm trying not to put it in at night, instead clipping it to him so he learns how to put it in himself.

I feel like a complete failure as a mum. Most people's babies seem to sleep through or at least sleep a decent chunk. I had friends whose babies didn't sleep but their babies are all improving whilst mine gets worse.
I feel like I'm not cut out to be a mum, my partner is great and shares a lot of the night shifts with me but I'm still finding it impossible despite having so much help. I feel trapped in my own home and can never plan to go out in the evenings regularly. I feel sad that my DS has to put up with me as a mum as I clearly cannot hack it.

I've thought about sleep training. In particular the gradual retreat but I don't know if this will work with a dummy, and I don't want to take the dummy away as DS is starting nursery soon and I think it will be a bit of reassurance for him.

Am I doing something wrong? Why won't he stay asleep? any advice would be welcomed.

THanks Xx

I really feel for you, it's hideous having a baby that doesn't sleep. I don't think people who have a sleeper get it!

My ds is just 9 months and is also a rubbish sleeper. Please don't feel you are a rubbish mum, you're doing your best and it sounds like you are doing an absolutely Stirling job.

I wonder if you might be a bit depressed? Have you spoken to your GP or HV about how you feel and the issues with his sleep? It might be worth a chat with the GP about possible physical causes for his waking (silent reflux? Allergies?) so you can rule those out.

We have a consultation with a sleep consultant on Thursday, is that something you could consider? We are using Ann Caird who is highly recommended on here. I think when you're that exhausted and ground down by it you need someone to help with the sleep training (I know I do). I chose Ann because I won't leave ds to cry and she has assured me I won't have to.

This too shall pass. You are doing a good job. Be kind to yourself.

Bless you, sleep deprivation is used as a torture tool for a reason! I feel bad for both of you having such broken sleep.

Sorry if you've tried these things.

My DS is rubbish when his dummy pops out during the night yet during the day puts it in himself. Can you try a comforter or nightlight to aid signs that it's nighttime? We use Eddie the Elephang nightlight which signals it's bedtime and he sometimes cuddles into it. Is thee any lullaby music or white noise etc that you could play during the day or just before bed to coax a nap?

Can you increase his feeds or make them slightly later? I found when my DS is teething he actually drinks more rather than less, I think he finds it a comfort. Do you use teething powder/gel for the night's he's struggling most or any teething toys?

What about a gentle sleep routine, bottle before bed, bath, book/cuddle.

What's the sleeping environment like? Can you add black out blinds or curtains (we have both) to make the room darker now the clocks have changed.

Is there anything that coaxes a nap such as long walk in the pram or cat journey? Not suitable to use several times a day but maybe you could try to use them for quick wins.

You sound exhausted. Do you have a DP or even family member who could give you help some days/overnight so you can get a couple of nights uninterrupted sleep?