Toddler and baby in same bedroom - is there a right time?

[OuiOui]

We really want our children to share bedroom but are terrified of consequences.

My 1 year old ds has finally settled down to sleep properly. After almost a year of bad sleep, I can now put him down awake and he will sleep through (a few wakeups but resettles himself). This has been going on about 3 weeks now so I feel I can talk about it but don?t want to harp on about it.

Anyway, both myself and dh really want the 2 children to sleep together in the same room but are really nervous about upsetting our ?good thing? at the moment. Bearing in mind that we?re going to be staying in same hotel room for 1 week this may all go to pot anyway.

Ds 1 year goes to bed between 730pm and 8pm,and most nights will have a grumble and go to sleep. He may have a few night wakenings but again just a few quiet cries and resettles. I don?t go in. He wakes up between 6am and 7am. If he?s too early, I leave him to cry a little and he?ll resettle or if he?s upset I get him.

DD is 20 months old and goes to sleep around 830pm, although protestingly and will talk in her bed. She also still wakes up during the night occasionally and will cry until I go in to see her. She definitely can?t be left to cry as she?d scream the whole apartment block down.
Dd still sleeps in her cotbed and I?m thinking of putting her into a bed soon but no pressure as she?s happy and not climbing out
Also she (dd1) sleeps later in the morning so I couldn?t leave ds2 to resettle at 6am as that would wake up dd1 and she wouldn?t go back to sleep by then

The other thing is nap time as dd1 still has 2-3 hours and ds2 does 1.5 hours
I can?t imagine ever being able to put them in the same room but plenty of people do it so how can I?
Has anyone experience of this? What?s best to do? All advice greatly appreciated.

Ours have shared from the beginning, and I'm a real fan. We have three children, a dd1 (9), ds (5) and dd2 (6 months). In each case we put the baby in the older child's room when the baby was a couple of months old.

I've found that they sleep more soundly together than alone, as they get used to a certain level of background noise. They don't seem to be disturbed by the other child's crying I think they don't have that "Crying baby must do something" instinct that parents have. With ours, one of the children would have to be seriously yelling for a long time before the other child would even stir.

It can also work well in the mornings: dd2 wakes up and starts bleating just before 6am, but ds goes to her, gives her a dummy or a toy and chats to her, which keeps her going until closer to 7am, which is a much more satisfactory time! At bedtime the baby is sometimes already asleep when ds comes to bed, sometimes not, but it doesn't seem to disturb her either way.

Your children are actually having roughly the same amount of sleep so you might be able to synchronise bedtimes to make them wake up at the same time. Naptimes might be more problematic as they don't sleep as soundly, but you could always put one of them to sleep in your bed at lunchtime, or use the sofa or travelcot.

I'd say definitely go for it. It's really cosy for them, and as they get older you hear them chatting to each other and cackling with laughter -- lovely!

Let me know how it goes OuiOui - I would love to put my 2 DSs in the same room but am worried that a) DS2 will wake DS1 as he hasn't actually slept through the night yet and b) DS1 will kill DS2 while I'm not there to supervise! I'm sure they'd love it really and maybe we should have done it earlier!

We have had the same experience as Frogs - our two (now 4 and nearly 2) have shared since ds2 was a few months old and they love it. They're chattering away to each other at the moment although they're supposed to be going to sleep.

Ds1 never woke up in the night when ds2 was a baby and crying. However, he does tend to go to sleep a bit before ds2 and sometimes gets cross because ds2 makes a lot of noise and wakes him up. Also in the mornings ds2 tends to wake ds1 up earlier than he would wake on his own.

To begin with we used to put ds2 to bed first at about 7.30 and then he'd be asleep by the time ds1 was ready at 8pm. Now they go together.

If we ever have a third child he or she will go in with the other two. I think it makes them very close. Go for it.

I'm a real fan too ... mine have always been in together too; since ds2 was 6 wks old! I would definitely echo frogs' experience that they sleep better together than apart, particularly ds1. (To the unfortunate extent that he hates sleeping in a room on his own now.)

My boys go to sleep quickly, so we've always put one to bed first, then put the other in when the first is asleep. (Who went first has varied over the years depending on sleep routines.)

They've never really disturbed one another during the night, though early mornings are still a problem.

OuiOui, I'm pondering this too. I think when you have a problem sleeper you've just sorted out its easy just to keep everything the same....however I've got to face the change at some point, also ds1 needs to go into a bed sometime fairly soon, and I think I'd rather try them in together while both in cots....
Ds1 is 2 and 7 months, ds2 is 7 months. Ds1 is a bit of a difficult sleeper in that he wakes screaming intermittently at night, and needs to be kept in a good sleep routine to avoid becoming an overtired monster. Ds2 is quite easy, sleeps through BUT often wakes around 6 - this is a danger time for ds1 waking up and we have worked hard to keep his wake up time reasonable.
However we've just come back from 3 nights at my parents where they were in together for the first time. By night 3 they actually both slept pretty well, and the amazing thing was that neither of them were disturbed by the other one's crying. So I'm optimistic about having a go at putting them together quite soon.
HOWEVER, we have an unforeseen problem - this morning ds2's cries woke me up - and when I went in to them, ds1 was sound asleep on top of him!! - he'd got out of his travel cot and climbed into ds2's cot, and gone to sleep next to him! So now I'm terrified that he could smother ds2....has anyone experienced this? Any bright ideas?

I can see that would be a bit alarming, elliott, but it does also sound very sweet.

We are in a similar situation as elliott and ouioui. Our two dds (6 months and 3yrs 1 month) slept in the same room for 2 weeks while on holiday, and dd2 showed amazing ability to stay asleep during dd1's protests at bedtime (remind me not to stay in 3 different places during a 2-week holiday again ). They also both really seemed to enjoy each other's company. We had planned to get them sleeping in the same room as soon as we got back, but for various reasons didn't do it for a couple of nights, and now everything is going a bit pearshaped. Dd2 is waking up each night after a month of sleeping through (see this thread ), and dd1 is really jangled by too much travel and change and absence from dp (other things as well as the holiday), and as a result has been pretty terrible at bedtime recently. At the moment we're trying to get dd2 to sleep through again using controlled crying, and trying to reassure dd1 with lots and lots of love (but I can't say that's really working--dp is still trying to get her to sleep and has been up there with her for more than two hours .

We don't want to put them together until they're both sleeping reasonably well, but this could mean we delay things indefinitely. THat would be a shame, as I am sure they would get a lot out of sharing. And we'd get an extra room back .

Yes I know what you mean - every time we have a run of ok sleep from both of them, and I think, ok its time to go for it, one or other has a bad night again and I get cold feet! Think perhaps we just have to take the plunge.....

thanks to all for your encouraging comments. I really want to do it very soon and thought of maybe putting ds2 into the room first and taking dd1 out to sleep in the travel cot in anothe room until ds2 seems ok in the room. I'm also a bit scared about the smothering thing but either way, I'll be putting the monitor into the room.

They really enjoy being together but it's true that that we're really nervous as we've only sorted out the sleeping thing - I think dh would rather put it off forever altho we know they'd love being together, it's just nerve wracking to thing of the consequences

I'm thinking of doing it next week so will update you all on how it goes

Well, we've taken the plunge and it's gone really well .

We did it last Wednesday, and the first night was a bit hair-raising. It was our fault--we didn't want dd1 to come home from nursery to find her room changed around, so we waited until she was home and checked with her it was OK. That meant we were moving the cot around at bedtime, dd1 was really excited and manic, which meant dd2 didn't calm down and go to bed nicely, which meant that dd1's bedtime ended up being late. Dd1 finally asleep by around 9pm ...

But since then, everything's been fine. DD2 has cried at night on a couple of occasions, and dd1 hasn't even noticed except once, and even then she went back to sleep straight away. We could have done it a lot earlier, I think, and I'd have been saved a lot of middle-of-the-night trips up and down the stairs.

Just went in to check on them, and they look so lovely sleeping head to toe. (It's a narrow room, so we've got dd1's bed end-to-end with dd2's cot.)

Congratulations Rolymoly!
We also took the plunge last week but have been too busy celebrating to update you all.
Hoorah hoorah.

I had been building up to it with dd1 for a few days and explaining to her that she couldn't be noisy etc when ds2 came to share her room. and then last Friday at dinner time, I just decided that it felt right.

We got off to a false start as they were overexcited at furniture moving time and daddy came home from work and I overop6timistically tried to put both in bed at same time. ds2 started crying lots as dd1 was making noise so I removed dd1 to our bed and ds2 fell asleep on his own - it's what he's used to...

The next morning, we woke to giggling children and it was a wonderful feeling. It's been a few days now and every morning is slightly different but the amazing thing is that ds2 is much calmer in the mornings and not screaming to be let out, the way he was in his old room. so basically poor thing was just a little lonely.

anyway, that's enough gloating as it will probably go belly up quite soon (almost last night when ds2 developed runny nose and cough)

I could skip, I'm so happy! Good luck to any others about to take the plunge.

that's great ouioui and rolymoly.... and we've done it too!! First night was Sunday, didn't go fantastically (ds2 screaming as we left the room) - fortunately managed to persuade ds1 to sing rather than shout and ds2 seemed to like that. Ds1 woke LOTS that night, not sure if the room share was a factor or just overtired from weekend away. Subsequent nights have been fine - first early morning problem this morning though, ended up taking ds2 to bed at 6-ish, ds1 went back to sleep after that.
We're putting them both down at the same time - figured the quicker they learn to settle together the better really. And it really does help ds2 to have ds1 singing and chatting to him...
Today is the first lunchtime nap together....they went down ok, we'll see how the wake up works! (ds1 should wake first in theory)
There is something very nice about checking on them both asleep together isn't there!

Congratulations elliot!
would love to settle the 2 together too but ds2 likes its dark and quiet and goes off by himself altho will defintely try again soon.

On the afternoon nap, they are kept separate as dd1 still sleeps 2-3 hours and ds2 only 1.5 hours and goes 1 hour later. Oh the tedium of these routines - I swore that I would be so "chill" about schedules but it's really what they want! (blush)

That's great news you two! Thanks for the update.

Glad it went well for you all.

Ouioui, would they really be disturbed by putting them down at different times for their naps? Yesterday ds2 woke first but ds1 didn't stir when I took him out of the room. And this morning they both woke before 6 (arrgh!) - not sure who was first - but ds1 went back to sleep despite ds2 crying for quite a while (I decided I'm NOT going to bring him in to my room that early - I never get back to sleep again!) Eventually (!) both slept till after 7....
It has really surprised me how easily ds1 sleeps through ds2 being really quite loud - and it is ds1 who is my sleep 'anxiety' - interesting to see how much of his sleep disturbance is internally driven!

Glad to see it's going well for everyone . It is amazing how they can sleep through each other's noise isn't it? Tbh, dd2 has woken up dd1 a couple of times, but she goes back to sleep really really quickly, even at 6 am which was my big worry.

We're not putting them down at the same time yet though. DD2 tends to get really distracted from her last feed if the room is light or noisy, so we're getting her off to sleep, then puttting dd1 in. It means dd2 has been having her stories in another room, but she doesn't seem to mind.

Just read the threads and I may take the plunge too. Ds1 4yrs and ds2 4 months but ds2 can be a real fidget from 4a.m. onwards and I think he knows that mummy will wake at that time to pop his dummy back in e.t.c. So I began thinking about this a few days ago and reading everything you guys have done has made me determined to go for it tonight. I know ds1 will be happy as I think he does get lonely in there by himself and he said the other day that he was looking forward to ds2 coming in his room. I don't expect it to be easy for a few nights, as ds2 can be a real screamer when he goes to sleep, so I'll put him down first then ds2 an hour later. Lets hope dh is willing to move the stuff around to fit the cotbed in the bedroom eh! If not i'll do it myself when everyone is out tomorrow except me and ds2. Wish me luck guys and I'll post to let you know how I got on.

moosh good luck! My ds2 can also cry a bit before going off to sleep but it doesn't seem to bother ds1 - he's got used to it very quickly.

Good luck Moosh.
well to continue my story. I now settle the 2 of them together.and it works.
the first night dd1 was taken out of the rooma s she wouldn't stop talking, 2nd night, they played for about 40 mins and I went in to tell them to go to sleep and then dd1 was still talking quite loud and I went in ds2 was already sleeping!
every night is slightly different but they love it!
i'm still skipping around everywhere.
My dh cant quite believe it either.

DAMN AND BOTHER!
Dh has decide to decorate the boys room before I can move ds2 into it. As ds1 has found great fun with a turquoise felt tip pen and his bedroom wall(grin). So I have to put the move on hold for a week but poor dh knows that I will be on his case all weekend to finish their room so the move can take place.

well we've had a bit of a hiccup here. Had to separate them as they were disturbing each other too much. ds2 (8 months) has had a run of 4.30 wake ups since having chicken pox, so had to put him in a travel cot in the (newly reclaimed!) study to sort it out. Seems to have settled after one 'get tough' night. But we still have a problem with ds1 (2 and 8 months) waking and screaming, and waking ds2 up, which stops ds1 geting back to sleep, which....you get the picture.
I do find that I am responding to noises in the night much more quickly than I would if I wasn't paranoid about them disturbing each other, which I'm sure is making it harder to encourage uninterrupted sleep.
How do people sort out sleep problems when there is room sharing? Or do you find yourselves putting up with more disturbance?

I am not sure elliot I still haven't taken the plunge as ds2 now 5 half months is still a fidget and used to ignore his dummy when it fell out but now he is really aware of it when it falls out now and I don't want ds1 4 yrs waking to put it back in. Ds1 starts school this Sreptember and am not sure whether to bite the bullet and move ds2 in there and let him settle by himself for a few nights then move ds1 back in or should I wait till ds2 is old enough to find his own dummy and pop it in but then it means i will be waiting for another year or so. HELP!!! sorry bad punctuation typing one handed have a drooling ds2 in my arms.