BFing to sleep - why is it such a bad thing isn't it the most natural thing in the world

[Tapster]

I felt inadequate that I was BFing my daughter to sleep. She is now nearly 4 months old, had been trying hard for her to go down awake but due to illness, jabs, moving her to her own room and concentrating on moving her bed time to 7-8pm rather than 9-10pm (successful I may add) I decided to let slip and feed her to sleep both day and night. She does 3-4 45mins naps usually in her cot during the day and will sleep up to 8pm-5am at night. She can fall asleep on her own in the pushchair or car seat. She can settle herself at night often. Sometimes I get a night waking to feed (never at the same time) but I think she is going through a growth spurt.

BFing to sleep is quick, easy, and 100% reliable. Why is it made out to be the biggest rod in the world, isn't it natural? I don't use a dummy and won't let her do CC or any variant. She doesn't fall asleep with nipple in mouth and have read the Elizabeth Pantley book and was making some progress. I will now start to try next week to slowly get her down drowsy rather than asleep - but I sometimes think why bother!

Its like a big secret that BFing mothers don't seem to want to admit.

Tapster

i still bf my dd to sleep. she is near 2. i work ft. it works for me. at nursery she gets shoggled in a pushchair. big deal.

it is also an excellent soother for tantrums before they break out.

Interesting thread. I've been beating myself up slightly in the last week thinking I was creating a rod for my own back by not putting dd down when still awake. I know I'm being harsh on myself as she is only 3 and a half weeks old. (I know!) When you read Tracey Hogg it seems like the wrong thing to do but like you say if it works. The only concern I have is dh not being able to settle her by himself if he does a night feed for me with expressed milk. And what about when I switch to bottles? Which I will do as I need to go back to work later on.

Bouncy bearing in mind all children are different, we used EBM from almost the start mostly because i had some difficulty with bf but also because dh wanted to be involved, as it turned out we bf exclusively for 6m and carried on after, although no more bottles after then.

regarding settling without boob, dd always has, to be fair she was about 10m for the first time, it took longer the first time and there were some tears but it is fine. as long as there is a good ongoing relationship with dad imo.

sorry i meant to say settle without boob when i go out but she was weaned by then and was used to bottles

hi Tapster, I have had two exclusively bf babies and have never used a dummy or cc with either of them. neither did I use a "method" either. I bf them both to sleep for a long time and still bf dd2 (she is 15 mo) until she is pretty drowsy then pop her down to sleep. she co slept with me for a long time so that was extremely natural. however, both of them I gradually put down when they were less and less sleepy. both of them go to sleep by themselves quite happily. dd1 was always fine at getting herself to sleep. I have used a number of different ways of soothing dd2 e.g. rocking, stroking, patting and shushing, singing, and if I am not around dh or a babysitter will pt her in her cot and she will fall asleep too.
I think we make too much of sleep "problems" when, if left to their own devices and given time and love and patience, children will find their own ways of getting to sleep, but we too often scupper it by getting anxious. if you want to buy a book or follow a method, that's fine too of course

I breastfed all 4 babies of mine to sleep - I loved that closeness. I always put them down asleep and never had any problems at all when they finished breastfeeding. Do what you feel is right for you.

Thanks for all your messages. I agree that its a developmental thing, and sometimes she has fallen asleep on my lap not feeding and that is becoming more often. I just think it needs to be regarded as normal and a wonderful gift and not a something that needs to be fixed. If this post can just make one person realise its okay then that would be great. Except for NCSS rest of the books I bought will be given away. IMO they make you feel awful and all about training and fixing your baby. If they work for you fantastic they just stressed me out.

"If this post can just make one person realise its okay then that would be great" - totally agree Tapster!

I struggled for the first few weeks having been recommended certain methods by friends and relatives, they did not work for us, I wish I had understood at the beginning that it really, really doesn;t matter about teh sleeping thing, it will all come right in the end.

I didn;t really believe this until I discovered MN and read similar threads to this one.

Then I relaxed and did things at our pace, and all has been fine.

I've always bfed my four to sleep. It feels right and lovely at the same time. Luckily I never read any parenting books so I was never informed that I ought to feel inadequate about this.

I'm on my fourth baby. He now goes to sleep very well on his own (he's two) as do his siblings.

Just do as you feel is right because it probably is. If it feels wrong, that's the time to look for help or advice.

There's always a book out there which will imply that your methods are wrong.

If I read at all I tend to seek out the books which already agree with my methods, because there are plenty of those out there too.

Breastfeeding to sleep is gorgeous. Your baby is so young, enjoy it for now and don't fret about it.

Haven't read the whole thread (bath running) but I thought that everyone who bf bf their baby to sleep??

I've done it with all of mine and its hard to say if it affected their ability to get to sleep on their own.

DS1 just never slept well and still doesn't at 10

DS2, 3, announces that its time to go to bed and waits at the bottom of he stairs

DD still bfeeding her to sleep everynight, my favourite feed of the day. She looks so content and comfortable. I love the warmth of her and feeling her getting heavier and we'll be carrying on as long as she wants too.

If it works for you Tapster, keep on doing it

I bf all three of my babies to sleep, by the time there were about 4 months I'd put them into their cot to sleep at the end of the feed regardless of being asleep or still a little awake iyswim. So that over time they got used to falling asleep dozy from bf, but still not absolutely zonked out unaware of being removed from boob. All three have been great sleepers and still are at 7, 5 & 4 years. I never understood why it was so bad, it certainly didn't stop my lo's learning to sleep by themselves.

I breastfed DD to sleep until she was a year and a half. I have never had any problems getting her to sleep with the exception of the first week after I stopped breastfeeding. She sleeps from 8 to 8 now easy.

Message withdrawn

Also fed DS to sleep and he slept through the night from 6 weeks and has always slept through the night except when ill. (Touch wood)

I think it's just one of those old myths born of our cultural discomfort with BF.

Haven't had a chance to read the whole thing, but sounds like you don't have a problem. If your DS can settle herself in the night, and already goes from 8pm-5am, sounds like she is an angel. So what if you give feed her to sleep; a full tummy and loads of relaxing hormones are just making her comfy and helping her drift off.

I used to sometimes feed DS to sleep, and sometimes not. Sometimes he would drift off, and then wake up when I transfered him to the cot, sometimes he didn't. He's in his second year now, and off the boob, but (unless ill) usually goes down to sleep OK, sometimes immediately after his beaker of milk, sometimes after playing around with a few toys in his cot.

Enjoy your magical bedtimes with your lovely daughter, and stuff the experts. You know her best, and you are doing your very best for her.

PS. Don't waste energy angsting over all the possible future complications / probs. Most of them will never happen! I remember stressing out over the whole returning to work and combining feeding with being away from DS, and even that was not half as complicated as I had imagined.

All the best

I always thought that was one of the things that bfeeding was for and wondered how on earth people who weren't bfeeding managed without it!

I fed my DD1 to sleep until she was 14 months then we moved on to a story at bedtime instead with no probs.

Enjoy this special time with your baby, 4 months is so little.