Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

BFing to sleep - why is it such a bad thing isn't it the most natural thing in the world

44 replies

Tapster · 06/03/2007 22:03

I felt inadequate that I was BFing my daughter to sleep. She is now nearly 4 months old, had been trying hard for her to go down awake but due to illness, jabs, moving her to her own room and concentrating on moving her bed time to 7-8pm rather than 9-10pm (successful I may add) I decided to let slip and feed her to sleep both day and night. She does 3-4 45mins naps usually in her cot during the day and will sleep up to 8pm-5am at night. She can fall asleep on her own in the pushchair or car seat. She can settle herself at night often. Sometimes I get a night waking to feed (never at the same time) but I think she is going through a growth spurt.

BFing to sleep is quick, easy, and 100% reliable. Why is it made out to be the biggest rod in the world, isn't it natural? I don't use a dummy and won't let her do CC or any variant. She doesn't fall asleep with nipple in mouth and have read the Elizabeth Pantley book and was making some progress. I will now start to try next week to slowly get her down drowsy rather than asleep - but I sometimes think why bother!

Its like a big secret that BFing mothers don't seem to want to admit.

Tapster

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

clairemow · 06/03/2007 22:07

Tapster, if you and DD are happy, why change anything? I used to love feeding DS1 to sleep. He's nearly 3 now, and is really happy going to bed, he's always been secure about going to sleep in his cot/bed, and it didn't do him any harm!

It sounds lovely!

RustyBear · 06/03/2007 22:10

I breast fed both mine to sleep -DS till 14 months, DD till about 11 months - never knew there was supposed to be anything wrong with it.
Why should it be wrong?

taffy101 · 06/03/2007 22:11

I quite often have my 4 month old snoring on the boob. People go on about making a rod for your own back but your dd is only v young still. When she gets older a routine will somehow occur! My dd (now 3) went to sleep with a lullaby light show for about 2 years when I stopped bfing. Give yourself a break - you're doin great.

sweetkitty · 06/03/2007 22:12

I BF both DDs to sleep when they were little, with DD1 it wasn't a problem think she just moved away from it gradually she slept 8-8 from about 12 weeks though. We co slept and it was lovely, she stopped BFing herself at 12 months and was in her own room going to sleep by herself at 15 months (due to house move etc).

With DD2 she was always BF to sleep too but she was a hungry little devil, I only stopped BFing her last Thursday she's 13 months btw. I did feel like I had problems with her though she was waking up to 5 times a night and only a BF would get her back to sleep. Like you I hated the thought of CC so followed NCSS for a while to no avail, the pull off didn't work for her. In the end at 12 months we decided to do a version of PUPD whereas she didn't get a feed on waking but DP was there to comfort her and she eas never left alone to cry. She cried for an hour and 20 minutes the first night which was very tough but after that it was like magic she sleeps through no problem now and I have to wake her in the morning. Daytime naps are great too.

So to cut a long story short if it doesn't bother you feeding her to sleep then don't stop doing it, she's still very young and it's a lovely way for her to fall asleep. There may be a time when you have had enough and it bothers you but until then if you are both happy then go with it.

FrannyandZooey · 06/03/2007 22:12

Yes, it's totally natural, it is what you are designed to do and the reason that breastmilk contains chemicals to relax you and your baby while feeding.

Enjoy yourself and do what you feel is right - you can't harm your dd by helping her to find sleep and relaxation while breastfeeding - quite the opposite

CanSleepWeirdShifts · 06/03/2007 22:12

Nothing much wrong with it when they are little, but it tends to stop working, and if you have no other means to get them back to sleep then you're stuffed .

imaginaryfriend · 06/03/2007 22:12

I personally don't think anything is a problem if you're both happy with it.

People suggest that BF to sleep doesn't allow a baby to learn how to settle themselves to sleep and that although that doesn't matter when they're small, it can be a nuisance when they get bigger.

I BF dd until she was 18 months old. For the first 3 months or so I pretty much always BF her to sleep unless in the buggy. She slept really well and could obviously settle herself to sleep to some extent because she must have entered light sleep a few times during such a long night and gone off to sleep again. I stopped BF her for naps some time around 6 months old I think. It wasn't hard, I fed her, looked quietly at a book with her and put her in her cot, and she'd go off to sleep. Eventually when she was on just one feed at bedtime she didn't go to sleep on my breast, she just got sleepy at which point I'd put her in her cot and she'd go to sleep after a few minutes.

She's now 4.5 and I can honestly say that although having gone through all the less desirably behaviours a child can have, she's never ever had a problem with sleeping. She can sleep at home, away from home, with me or without me. And I'm sure some of that is to do with me just being relaxed about BF her at sleep times at the beginning.

Sorry for rambling. It's not often I reminisce about those baby days ... Sniff ...

imaginaryfriend · 06/03/2007 22:13

claire, was that before or after your ds composed his symphony?

FrannyandZooey · 06/03/2007 22:14

I fed to sleep until ds was nearly 3 btw! It was often a peaceful and relaxing time at the end of the day for both of us, and a great way to reconnect after a day of trying toddler and grumpy mummy behaviour

sweetkitty · 06/03/2007 22:14

lol @ taffy DD2 has a WTP dream show thing now she loves it

FrannyandZooey · 06/03/2007 22:15

Ooh, bit harsh IF? Did I miss something? That seemed unprovoked...

jeangenie · 06/03/2007 22:16

I agree with the other posters - just do what feels best for you

I have two DDs and I took too much notice of the routine focussed books and the rod for your own back stuff with DD1 and went through hell trying to get her to settle herself etc (she never really did)

I still feel guilty about it tbh (she's 4.5yo now )

they do go through so many phases that feeding to slepp at that young age imo won't do anything awful,it'll just mean you have some lovely memories to look back on, instead of guilt about a crying baby and a wish to turn the clock back . They are little for such a short time, just do what feels right.

Needless to say with DD2 I didn't open a book and fed to sleep as much as I wanted

clairemow · 06/03/2007 22:18

IF, it was DS3 (who's imaginary (I hope!)) who composed the symphony. DS1 has only managed a small sonata... and he was already born by then...!!!

Sorry, bit of cross-thread jesting...

sfxmum · 06/03/2007 22:18

well i did that for quite a while with mine (for about 6 months)since then only when she was/ is poorly or otherwise very unsettled.
it helps to start easing into sleep with cuddles taking off the breast just before they fall asleep to start with.

it worked well for us, eventually she just feeds then goes to lie in bed and drift off by herself. (20m now)

imaginaryfriend · 06/03/2007 22:18

no no no franny - a continuation of a joke from another thread!

clairemow · 06/03/2007 22:19

Franny, don't worry, it was a reference to the thread about the 6 month old walking - we had a competition to see whose DS was the cleverest. It got a bit silly.

FrannyandZooey · 06/03/2007 22:20

Oooh

I really thought you were being cutting because Claire had sounded so confident and complimentary about her son

clairemow · 06/03/2007 22:21

phew, MN style bust up avoided...

sfxmum · 06/03/2007 22:21

oh and by the way she goes through periods of sleeping through and sometimes wakes up once or twice sometimes more, kids go through phases frankly i just go with the flow, try not too stress and do what is easiest for us

best of luck, you know best

Original poster

Tapster · 06/03/2007 22:22

I have yet to meet an exclusively BF mother that puts her baby under 6 months down awake that hasn't used a dummy or CC. I'm sure there must be some out there - write a book because nobody seems to be able to describe a method that works, people are reading NCSS (including me) but I haven't heard lots of success stories.

OP posts:

FrayedKnot · 06/03/2007 22:23

Tapster, I BF my DS to sleep until 14 months (for naps) and then he continued to have a bedtime feed (although didn't fall asleep while feeding, but it made him sleepy, iyswim) until he was 19 months old.

The day I stopped BF'ing he simply went to sleep on his own. He has been a brilliant sleeper ever since.

IMO this was because he had reached the right stage in his development to do this, and not at some arbitrary age which I or any parenting "expert" had dictated.

I found continuing to BF before bed an extremely useful thing to be doing once DS was past the 12 month mark because it meant he would settle in unfamiliar places evry easily...good for holidays and visiting family!

procrastimater · 06/03/2007 22:27

Def not a bad thing I bf'd ds to sleep till about 19-20m - and now dd at nearly 11m is still bf'ng throughout night - I swear by it it gives me a chance to rest as well and except when she is teething [ouch emoticon] have few problems - ds sleeps well now and loves his story/ cuddle routine - just cut down feeds slowly when you are both ready. I have learnt to tune out the negative voices now with no.2 but 1st time around i wasted a lot of energy stressing about b'ing ds.

sfxmum · 06/03/2007 22:27

dd stopped bf for naps long ago, but we still bf at night although not to sleep iyswim i think NCSS works well for us i just don't expect permanent solutions.

grannycrackers · 06/03/2007 22:30

tapster, i think you sound very sensible

and of course, you can read/watch tv/eat chocolate at the same time

RustyBear · 06/03/2007 22:33

I didn't use controlled crying or a dummy, but both DS & DD sucked their thumbs, with a comfort toy & they would go down awake on the few occasions they didn't fall asleep at the breast.

Flip

1 2