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Sleep

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Original poster

Is a 7pm bedtime the holy grail of infant sleep?

58 replies

FatLittleWombat · 22/03/2017 06:24

I put DS2 to bed at 7 pm, he wakes multiple times at night but is usually still asleep when my alarm goes at 7.30am. My MIL thinks I'm bonkers to put him to bed so early and that he'd sleep better if I put him to bed at 9 pm or so. While I'm sure he doesn't wake at night because he isn't tired, I do wonder why so many British and American books on infant sleep insist on an early bedtime. Is there research to back up the theory that it improves sleep? I can't believe that all babies in countries where late bedtimes are the norm sleep badly!

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MrsNuckyThompson · 22/03/2017 16:54

DS is 4 and goes up at 7.30, lights out between 7.45 and 8 depending on how much he has faffed about. I couldn't cope with him up any later as I need the peace. I'd rather he went at 7, and we may move back to that when he starts reception as I think he'll be very tired. Part of the reason it slipped to 7.30/8 is because I often didn't get home from work until 7! I'm on mat leave now with DD so I may ease it forward again!!

Personally I think 9pm is way too late for the age of your child.

Stillwishihadabs · 22/03/2017 18:22

I'm no expert but in my (limited) experience spanish and Italian children do tend to sleep in later and have naps for longer.

exexpat · 22/03/2017 20:02

Most books on baby and childcare, and pregnancy, are very culture specific.

When my DCs were little, I read books/magazines/websites aimed at British, American and Australian mothers (all fairly similar but not identical) but also ones for Japanese mothers, and they often contradicted the English-language ones fairly radically. It kind of reassured me that there is no one correct answer, so there was no point in getting stressed about a lot of things.

PhilTheSahd · 25/03/2017 18:53

Every baby is different surely?? My DD has always had a late bedtime - she's now 2 and if she falls asleep before 8 the vast majority of the time she'll wake up an hour or two after. She tends to only sleep through completely if it's after ten when she went to sleep - and then she'll sleep until 9-10am - she is is definitely at the late extreme. Other parents I've spoken to manage to get there kids asleep earlier. Do whatever works for you and baby - if their sleep pattern doesn't work for you then try to adjust it any night by night. I would love for DD to go to sleep earlier and give me and DW time together, but that rarely happens, and when it does, she wakes up earlier anyway

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot · 25/03/2017 19:08

How old is your DS2?

Because the interface with DS1's bedtime probably makes a difference as well. Not that having a good sleeper with your DC1 means that DC2/3/etc will also sleep well. But I suspect having an awkward bedtime with DS1 wouldn't help. And bedtimes for both might change as they grow and have different phases/spurts

BabyHamster · 25/03/2017 19:18

My DD usually goes to bed earlier than 7pm. She's nearly eleven months. She gets so tired especially if she's been at nursery and only tends to have one nap per day now.

When she was younger she used to nap much more often (three or four times a day) so her bedtime would be more like 8 or 8.30pm.

I don't think this is something to stress about really, it's just whatever works for you. I'd only worry and look at changing things if there were multiple wake ups every night (just one or two is totally normal IMO).

badg3r · 25/03/2017 21:46

I think it depends a lot on circumstances. We only get back from work/nursery at 6.20 so 7pm bedtime would mean the most truncated dinner-bedtime routine imaginable! I prefer to have a couple of hours together at the end of the day. DS is 2.5 and still naps 1-2h after lunch.

AprilShowers16 · 26/03/2017 23:17

Our DS goes to sleep around 8.30 and he's 8 months. I find that he wakes up for the day around 11- 12 hours later regardless of what time he goes to bed and I prefer to have a lie in. I'll probably try and gradually bring it forward once he's sleeping through more consistantly as would like my evenings back but at the moment this works for us

Moomintoes · 27/03/2017 19:28

I think it depends on the child, my DD always and still does at 8yrs really need her sleep so always went at 7:30 when young. Now due to her various after school clubs and me not getting home from work until late her and my DS (4yr) go to bed at 8/8:15pm. My DS has never needed as much sleep as her even when he used to nap during the day he had less time and dropped them earlier.

1stWorldProblems · 27/03/2017 19:36

Depends on lots of things - some child-led & some parent-led. My two have never gone to bed before 8pm even as babies but I don't work so until school, it didn't matter what time we all got up. They obviously got enough sleep as they both dropped their naps before they were two. But they never went to pre-school before 11am. That way we could always eat supper together as a family & DH can help with bedtime. Supper is still our main time for talking.

Now they don't get home from clubs til 7-ish so we need to fit in supper & homework before bed - they're 7 & 10. I'm far too disorganised to sort out bedtime in a smaller time window.

We have the nickname of "the Spanish family" amongst our friends who put their children to bed earlier than we do.

1stWorldProblems · 27/03/2017 19:37

Go with what works for you & your children and don't worry about what other people think.

LittleBearPad · 27/03/2017 19:39

We start bedtime at 7.30/8pm with them generally asleep by 8.30. We don't get home until 7pm. I'd never see them in the week if they went to bed at 7pm

BeyondThePage · 27/03/2017 19:44

I know it is very unmumsnetty... but - we never had a routine, just put them to bed when they were getting sleepy. Most nights was between 7 and 8, some between 9 and 10.

It seems to have had the added knock on advantage that the kids now take themselves off to bed when they are getting tired (14 and 16), we are fairly laid back and have no problems with them being up with us - school nights are usually between 9 and 10, weekends an hour or so later - they don't tend to go up at the same time.

Just go with the flow, see what works for you - but be prepared for that to change too as time goes on.

TittyGolightly · 27/03/2017 19:46

DC has been in bed at 7pm probably 5 times in the 2,300 bedtimes she's had since birth. 8pm probably 500 of those. More usual nowadays to be 9pm.

As a small baby she slept 11pm till 11am. It moved with preschool, nursery and then school.

The majority of the world's babies don't sleep 7-7 and turn out happier than UK babies

Oly5 · 27/03/2017 19:48

8pm here. Works for us. Just do what works for you

ILoveMonkeys · 27/03/2017 19:49

I find that even if they go to bed later, they still wake at the same time in the morning, just more grouchy. DS2 (15 months) is in bed by 7 and DS1 (4 yo) goes up at 7.30 and is asleep by 8.

GreenPeppers · 27/03/2017 19:52

Honestly? I have no idea as I know that other countries do put their DC in be much later and they don't have any more problems with sleep than parents in the uk.

One thing that IS different is that children in the uk stop having a nap in the afternoon much earlier on than countries where children are going to bed later.

Basically, they need the same amount of sleep

My personal conclusion is that parents in the uk just want to protect their evenings!!

SleepyLambs · 27/03/2017 19:54

I'm a sleep consultant. My 3 kids (6, 5 & 3) all go to bed at 6:30. It's not the time that's important as how long they've been awake. When we become overtired our bodies produce stress hormones - cortisol and adrenaline. Staying awake beyond a natural wake window results in the release of these stress hormones, which cause the body to fight going to sleep, sleep more restlessly and wake up sooner.

It sounds like your little guy is getting a great amount of sleep. You don't want to short change that at all!

LovingPancakes · 27/03/2017 19:54

DD is 8:15-8-30 , shes always been in rouine of bedtime at 8 ish because since she was newborn her routine was bottles every 4hrs at 4.8.12 and repeat so she always has a bottle then goes to bed and its just been that way since she was born she slept through pretty fast at 5weeks so its just always been routine, goes to bed 8ish wakes up at 8:30.
every abies different just do what best for baby, I've always seen it as she sets the routine I just need to guide it which has always worked out as your going at babies pace not what you want. so if 7pm works thats great.
8 works for us as after dinner about 5-5:30 she usually done about 6-6:30 so she has time to run about let off the last off her energy and then that gives us time for the bedtime routine and to have some play time in the bath, brush her teeth and pjs on.
do whats good for baby, recommended that babies/toddlers get at the very least 10 hours, its preferred they get 12hrs.

BackforGood · 27/03/2017 19:57

Surely this depends on your lifestyle?
What time you get home from work, what time you eat, etc.

None of my dc were ever in bed by 7, and we both worked in jobs where we could be home relatively early and then work at home later in the evening, so I don't see how it would work if parents work later or have a long commute.

Ragwort · 27/03/2017 20:01

7pm worked for us from when DS was first born until about 7/8 years old (late night for Beavers/Cubs etc!).

It suited us, he loved his sleep (up until age 3 he still had long naps in the afternoon as well - morning at playschool, afternoon napping (2-3 hours) and bed at 7pm - he obviously needed the sleep - woke around 6.30am which worked for us a family.

Camomila · 27/03/2017 20:03

Different cultures have different priorities. I never wanted to do the traditional British thing of 7pm dinner and then an evening to ourselves because it was more important to me that we all had dinner as a family (am Italian)

Since weaning DS has had dinner with us at 7-7.30 and then goes to bed around 8-8.30. He has a longer afternoon nap then most of his baby friends so it all evens out.

Camomila · 27/03/2017 20:04

*7pm bed even

Ecureuil · 27/03/2017 20:09

Yes, it's what fits in with your lifestyle. We have to be up at 7 and I don't like long afternoon naps because it limits us getting out and about (DD1 would be restless if we were stuck at home for DD2 to have a 3 hour nap every afternoon), so we have a 7-7.30 bedtime so that they get enough sleep.

WelliesAndPyjamas · 27/03/2017 20:15

My two youngest (4 and 8 yrs old) go to bed at 7pm and most nights they sleep like logs right through until our morning alarm. Works for them. We'd talk about a later bedtime for the 8 yr old if it seemed he didn't need all the sleep, or wanted a different bedtime, etc but he's quite happy with it still. They share a room too so it's easier if they go to bed at the same time, to avoid disrupting each other. Sometimes he'll read for a bit longer.

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