Same room in the evenings?

[FartnissEverbeans]

The advice to prevent SIDS, as I understand it, is to keep baby sleeping in the same room as you at all times. But what does everyone do in the evenings?

5mo DS has always slept in the same room as me, but in the last couple of weeks has dropped his last nap in favourite of an earlier bedtime (last night was 7:30). He's starting full days st nursery next week and will be in nursery at or before 7am every morning, so he really needs to be in bed by 7/8 at the latest.

I've been settling him in his cot in our bedroom. We live in a flat and our bedroom is just off the living room, so I leave the door ajar in case he cries. However, the SIDS advice has me worried and I'm up and down checking him every ten mins! I'd rather not do that when I'm back at work as I'll have work to do when he's asleep.

He used to just nap in the living room with us but he's so alert now that we'd need to be completely silent. For daytime naps that's fine but in the evenings it would be nice to chat to my husband if possible I also like to get some tidying done, do the dishes etc. which can be a bit noisy.

How can I be sure he's safe in his cot? Are baby monitors useful? I considered an Angelcare mat but I never needed it until now and I read that there's no evidence linking them to a decrease in SIDS risk. I'd still be checking him anyway. I've been quite anxious about SIDS and keep having bad dreams about it (which involve a lot of shouting at my poor sleeping husband ) so anything that can put me at ease would be welcome. Thanks

You're right, a monitor with a motion sensor doesn't negate the SIDS risk it simply alerts you if there has been no movement for 20 seconds (by which point it's probably too late). And from what i understand it isn't about being able to hear the baby, it's more about them being able to hear you. Nobody is exactly sure what causes some babies to stop breathing but the latest theory is that being in the same room as you breathing helps them to regulate theirs.

We have exactly the same issue as you though! DS is 5 months and goes to bed at 6:30 and asleep by 7 every night. He used to sleep happily in a crib in the lounge but like your DC, it's way too much stimulation for him now so there's no way he'd sleep there now. So I put him to bed upstairs in his cot with the Angelcare monitor on and move him into our bedroom when I go to bed at about 10. Obviously this goes against SIDS recommendations but I think in real life you have to weigh up the risk factors and go with what's comfortable for you. We don't smoke or drink, he wasn't premature and 75th centile for weight and he has a dummy. We have no other SIDS risk factors so I'm quite relaxed. It helps that my DS is quite a light sleeper anyway and I see him stir and move between sleep cycles on the monitor about every half an hour.

Sorry, that was a really lengthy rambling way of saying that in a perfect world we would all have out babies asleep in the same room as us at all times until 6 months, but you need to weigh up the level of risk you're happy with for your family and decide based on that!

I put 4 month old DS upstairs in his crib in our room at 7pm and come downstairs. No monitors as I would hear him if he cries. He would never sleep downstairs with us as he gets overstimulated and needs dark and quiet. I know it's against the advice but it works for us.

Remember advice is just that, advice. You need to find something that works for you weighing up the risks. In a safe space the risk of SIDS is relatively low.

We started an earlier bedtime around 4.5 months for DD. It got to the point where we were alternating holding her while she screamed from tiredness from around 6:30pm til bedtime. Not pleasant for anyone, especially her. She is a light sleeper and suddenly became too 'aware' to sleep through TV / dinner/ chatting.
We put her in our bedroom and use a video monitor and I have it close enough to see her chest rise and fall with breathing. I do spend more time watching her than interacting with DH but it was the right decision for us. We've all been so much happier. A bit of alone time as adults for us and more sleep for DD.
I am aware this is against SIDS advice. It was either that or go to bed myself at the same time and sit in the dark. I guess you can't guarantee they will be safe in their cot but the same can be said for overnight while asleep in the same room.

I have a 5 month old DS too, and we put him to pet at about 7.15 in his cot in his room. Video monitor on and kept with one of us, and check in him regularly. We don't have a breathe mat because they didn't work with his cosleeper cot, they need a firm surface, and by now we're happy that he's ok sleeping alone. He's upstairs and we are downstairs in our house. We started putting him to bed like this at about 3 months because he did not sleep if we kept him downstairs. He is a big, strong baby and is formula fed, he's basically sleeping through (no feeds but most nights he stirs enough to make me and I go and check on him, replace dummy or restart Ewan the sheep) to about 7am. DH and I are both happy with this arrangement and confident our son is safe.

But you sound very concerned about SIDS and you may not be comfortable with this. The advice to keep them in your room is so they mirror your breathing well as so you can check on them, so a video monitor is not enough. On ours you can't really see him breathing, the picture quality on night time mode is pretty poor. But it probably is with you bearing in mind that the reason it's recommended you keep them with you to 6 months is that the risk is much lower by then, not that there's a sudden switch to it being safe. The risk of SIDS reduces from about 4 months I believe, so you are already into a range of lower risk. But the current official advice is 6 months, and having read a lot of threads on the Sleep board I'm sure more posts will be along soon to tell you you must stick it out to 6 months. But as you asked, this is what we do and it is working for us.

We kept our daughter in with us in the evenings. It was good for her to be able to nap without complete silence.

How can I be sure he's safe in his cot?

You can't. And bear in mind even when following all of the SIDS guidelines, the risk is not zero. The guidelines on Sudden Infant Death are all about managing risks in an informed and educated way, not eliminating the risks completely.

So it is your decision in order to balance your personal view on risk management.

6 months is, in fact, an arbitrary number. Babies left alone to sleep at 2 months have a much greater risk of SIDS than at 5 months. Babies at 7 months are still at risk of SIDS when left alone to sleep, just less of a risk than there was at 6 months.

It's a complex sliding scale of risk, not a cliff edge of "this is safe, this is not". So they set atbitary lines that involves too much risk. This isn't no risk.

So that said, many people put their babies upstairs alone to sleep once they are sleeping though the early evening. This includes me, my children got yo this stage at around 5 months. But just because someone else does it should not be a green light for it to be ok for you. It depends on your own views of risk management.

I put my little boy into his cot in our room to sleep at night from 6 weeks and from 8 weeks during the day aswell. He had out grown his moses basket. I went and checked on him regularly and would wake him at 10.30 for a bottle when I was going to bed. I was happy that he was as safe as could be, it's entirely an individual thing an I did find myself staring at the monitor quite a bit in the first few weeks!

The thing is OP, they dont get to 6mo on the dot and suddenly BAM they can be left alone. The guidelines are there as the age of 6mo has been set to give an idea of the ideal length of time to keep them nearby.

We put ours down to sleep at 7pm in the bedroom off the living room way before the 5mo marker.

We have been putting ours to sleep upstairs for the night since she was 6 weeks which is when we started a bedtime routine. Up until she was 3 months we would be going to bed within 20 minutes of putting her down, now at 4 months she is often up there for longer with a video monitor.

As others have said, its balancing risk, she sleeps on her back, I ebf, we are non-smokers, room is at recommended temp with correct no of blankets so we have decided the risk is minimised. Also, as a PP mentioned, there is possibility of SIDs right up until 1 yr, risk just varies according to age so it is a case of deciding what is right for you and your family.

We always put our lo upstairs for all sleeps since he came home. Personally I don't like Moses baskets, and I didn't want lo to get used to sleeping downstairs.
We had a video monitor so we could always see him.
He was fine. It's also what my mum did with the 3 of us.