How much does your OH do at night with baby?

[Whenisittimeforwine]

DS is 12 weeks old and EBF. I am on maternity leave but can't nap during day as baby will only nap upright on my chest (and I'm too scared to fall asleep on sofa due to SIDS risk), DH works full time. Baby feeds approx every 3-4 hours but feeds take a long time (up to 1.5-2 hours!). Have tried feeding lying down and co-sleeping but we've not yet had much success.

I do nappies as figure there's no point in DH waking up just to do that and often I will just feed and get baby back down without DH waking up, but my patience is really crap at night so if DS won't settle after a feed DH will frequently settle him. This is usually because I've already been up 2 hours and I'm desperate to get a bit of sleep before the next marathon feeding session starts, it also takes me ages to get back to sleep once woken whereas DH can nod off easily. DH sleeps solidly during every 2 hour feeding session. I'm also a very light sleeper and after weeks of literally no sleep at all as every noise that DS made would keep me awake, I will often sleep with ear plugs and DH will prod me when baby wakes up for feed.

AIBU? Lots of other mums say I am massively lucky and I now thus feel massively guilty that I'm not doing enough for baby/expecting DH to do too much. It's literally eating me up and every night I think I'll just "do it all" as I "should" but when it comes to it and it's 3am I feel like I can't cope with being up and just get so desperate for a few hours of sleep, I rely on DH to pitch in.

Should I feel guilty? Am I being a crap mother for sometimes just letting DH take over?

No it is his child too. What works for your family just works. My husband falls back in to a much deeper sleep much quicker than me so when Baby needed settled that didn't involve boob that was all him.

What kept me sane was after the evening cluster feed I would go upstairs and my husband would let baby sleep on his chest/in the sling until about 11ish. Those couple of hours of solid uninterrupted sleep kept me sane. Would something like that help you?

It's not forever, it gets so much better!

Hi OP, my DH also does near equal caring duties when at home and in the night and I too feel guilty about this as he works full time. Our DD is five months old and I am still off work but he changes and resettles her lots in the night and will take her downstairs early in the morning so I can get a further hour.
I think this is what a good dad or parent should do but I feel guilty that he does this and is also at work in the day whilst I am not. I also think about friends that are/were single parents and I feel inadequate and in awe of them as I get stressed if my DH is going to be half hour late home!

I think knowing that there is someone else to rely on/share it all with means that I am quick to give up sometimes. If DD won't settle with BF I feel like I have no skills to settle her whereas DH can seem to calm her with a variety of tricks.

He stands out against many of our friends (but we also have several male friends that are equally hands on dads) but I am proud to have him in my life and see the relationship he will have with DD in future.

KStar8 that is so true, I think knowing there is someone else to rely on does mean I am quick to give up sometimes, and I also have no skills to settle DS other than BF, whereas DH has other tools! He also has the patience to stand in a dark room rocking for over an hour whereas I am ashamed to say I don't. If the boob doesn't work I am lost!!

PS thank you Kariana :-)

Glad you're getting tongue tie looked at soon OP. Came on to suggest that as our DS1 also fed for 1.5-2hours at night, and was often just plugged in permanently through the day, sometimes I might get a 30 min break before he was off again. We had his tongue tie released at 6 weeks and it was an instant marked improvement. The whole cycle still could take 1.5 hours but that included feed, nappy, settle.
I'm now onto DS2, 6 weeks old, who is much more efficient at feeding, no tongue tie, but I know he does use me as a human dummy esp at night, and sometimes I don't concentrate enough (too exhausted!) to note if he's really eating or just lying there having a nice comfort suck. So time goes by and the feed drags out. If you can bear it, try to chivvy DS along and keep him focused on the task in hand Hope you can enjoy shorter feeds soon.