Crying at sleep time

[user1478209253]

Hi All,

I don't know what I'm looking for, maybe I just need to talk (write) about it. I don't know what to do. My little one, just 10 weeks today, is breaking my heart!

Every nap time and bedtime we have a meltdown. I look for all the sleep cues and as soon as I see them I start trying to get her to sleep and she just goes hysterical.

I've tried a variety of methods to help her go to sleep and they all have the same outcome. A hysterical baby.

I'm making sure she's not overstimulated (I haven't had the TV or radio on since she was born), as I said making sure I get to her before she's overtired.

It's been like this since day one and I just don't know what else to do.

I don't want to do CIO but I feel that I am doing it by default.

I'm a first time mum and I just feel like I'm failing and I'm not doing right by little one.

What sort of amounts is she sleeping. A good approximation at this age would be 40-60 minutes awake time. So look at the clock when she wakes and make a mental note to be getting her back to sleep 40 minutes later (or sooner if tired signs). That gives you 20 minutes to actively get her to sleep.

Getting to sleep needs to be active. It isn't passive. You need to work at it. Ideally you want ALL of the following:

• something to suck. Dummy or nipple

• a full tummy

• movement (bouncy chair when at home or pushchair when out, rocking, car journey)

• secure feeling (warm, tucked in, your presence, eye contact, cuddling, swaddle, patting)

I think maybe you are over thinking the gentle gentle approach - no TV or radio for fear of over stimulating a baby is a bit ott. For ten weeks!! No wonder you feel so anxious!! Feed and cuddle her and put her down in the pram with the TV or radio will prob help imo!

It's probably too quiet for her if you are having it silent - my 12wk old will only settle with some white noise or me humming!
Does she have a dummy so she can comfort herself a little?

It is possible that by the time she is showing sleep signs she is overtired - as pp said, try getting her settled before she reaches overtiredness.

I agree with the others....it could be too quiet! I'm a fan of white noise here...definitely helps my 2 sleep.
Everyone will have differing opinions on 'putting' babies to sleep as ultimately they need to learn to self settle 😕 However as your baby is only 12 weeks and you are clearly finding the crying distressing I would opt for dummy, swaddle, rocking/cuddling her to sleep ☺️ You can do some sleep training at a later date when you've got your confidence x

Thanks for the quick responses.

I actively watch the clock to make sure she isn't going too long. I generally rock her to sleep, with a shhh and the bum tap. I also play white noise in the background.

She just seems to hate going to sleep. As soon as I hold her to rock her she starts to cry. Hubby tries to put her to sleep by gently bouncing up and down on the yoga ball and lightly stroking her head, she cries with him. We've both tried other methods and they all result in her crying.

She goes to sleep with a full tummy, won't accept a dummy however.

She's a happy baby baby, meeting all her milestones, putting on weight etc. It's just she seems to really hate sleep and I don't know what I can do to stop her hating it.

It may not need the "gentle" bouncing. Many babies like fairly robust movement.

Most babies naturally need to suck to sooth. Id work on the dummy for independant sleeping, but if not that then how about breast feeding and leaving her on the breast whilst asleep?

This may not work for you but might be worth a try. When dd3 (12wks) gets over tired and screams hysterically, I hold her close to me and hum, the vibrations calm her and the noise stops her from startling awake.
Also it may worth revisiting the dummy, it's been a godsend with all my dc.

How are you feeding? I could be wrong but I'm thinking perhaps you're breastfeeding but not letting her fall asleep at the breast? I only mention this as you say you're rocking her, patting, using white noise app etc which sounds like a lot of effort! Mine used to dose off at the end of a feed. If that's the case she's far too tiny for that to be a problem. Feeding is designed to be soporific.

Hi All,

Thanks for the responses. I do BF but was told not to let her doze on the boob, however I do in the night. I hadn't thought of doing it for naps however.

I guess I'm just feeing overwhelmed as she is nearing the 3 month mark and I'm reading all these things about routines, not letting the baby do x, y and z.

So confusing!

I wouldn't worry about routines for now, I'm nearly at six months and our routine went to pot over Christmas and now feel like I'm back st square one! Feed her to sleep for now it's the easiest way!