Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Original poster

Lack.of cot naps is driving me fucking insane

35 replies

Sparrowlegs248 · 07/01/2017 11:29

I've posted a million times about ds sleep. He's never napped well blah blah blah. Night sleep not too bad now but gets up at 4.30-5. I'm 36wks pregnant and just exhausted.

Occasional naps in cot. Just spent an hour trying. First 15 minutes laid down quietly. Then gradually worse despite getting more and more tired.

I'm starting to get pissed off with him. I just want him to sleep somewhere safe so that I can sleep. Slept 3 bloody hours in the cot at Mil on Tuesday which just fucks me off tbh. I know it's ridiculous.

I just need some rest. Took.him out of cot and laid on bed with him, he just poked my face and wailed. Now my choice is to walk with pram and spd, or drive.

I have no idea how I am going to cope with another one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 07/01/2017 12:28

Sorry for the sweaty self pity post. I gave up, he's knackered, but I've had a bit of a cry and some tea, and he's had a play. We're off out for a drive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 07/01/2017 12:29

Sweary even..

OP posts:
Mol1628 · 07/01/2017 12:33

How old is he?

Note3 · 07/01/2017 12:34

I feel your pain. Maybe time for some controlled crying if you're not against it or a gentler sleep technique?

Believe me I know the frustration of your situation, you'll get through somehow

PetalMettle · 07/01/2017 12:35

That's tough - I've never been able to get mine to nap in cot. If he falls asleep on me though I can now transfer him to a cushion on the floor. (He's 18 months). Would that be an option?

donajimena · 07/01/2017 12:39

I do feel your pain. My first was like this. Never ever napped unless being driven or pushed. However you may be lucky like I was second time around and slept everywhere. Naps in cots, travel cots etc.
Slept through from 11 - 7.30 from 3 weeks.
Of course I didn't know that would happen so I figured if my second was as bad as my first I'd cope. Even if the coping was 'barely'

FATEdestiny · 07/01/2017 13:51

Notta Flowers

It will be fine. It will. You've made great progress with gradual withdrawal, you'll crack this too.

I would suggest that if he's up 5am or earlier then 11.30 is too late, 6+ hours too long awake time.

Coconut0il · 07/01/2017 14:49

Do you have anyone who can take him for a bit notta? DS2, 17 months is still sleeping on my lap for his nap and we're still co sleeping at night but it's working for us. I do like some time on my own though so DP takes him out for an hour or two every other day. Normally I have a bath or clean but in your situation you need to sleep. I know that's not a long term solution but might help you feel more rested to come up with a plan?
Can you take it in turns to do the 430 wake up? When DS2 was smaller DP would get up at 5 and have him till 7 so I could sleep.

Randonneur · 07/01/2017 14:58

Will he stay asleep in a stationary buggy? We had a spare cheap buggy upstairs so he could nap at the end of my bed while I napped. Not ideal but he was strapped in and I stirred as soon as he did.

Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 07/01/2017 17:20

Thanks for all your responses. He's 17 month old. He won't fall asleep on me anymore. He might have slept next to me on the bed had I fed him but tbh the early morning wake up feed is enough (too much) for me now. I only do it to get some extra laying down time.

He woke at 4.20am today and came into bed and bf on and off til 5.30 when he fell back to sleep til fucking husbands alarm woke him at 6. So I thought 10.30 for a nap was ideal. I know it doesn't work if I try too late and I probably should have given up soon but he kept laying down quietly before springing back up

dona I'm pinning my hopes on it. I'm likely to have a c section and wondering how on earth I'll manage. I won't be able to pram or drive him for naps, and won't be able to lift him into the cot. I'll have to get a mum to come over each day and hope for the best.

Thank you fate as usual. I was hoping the sane technique would work for naps but it's just getting the timing right.

The good news is he's at my parents for the night. They had him overnight a couple if weeks ago, he went to bed nicely, slept til 5.45 then mum.took him in bed and had another hour the little toad. But he didn't fall asleep in the 45 minute drive over, had to tale him.out in the pram when I got there, so he didn't sleep til about 3.

Husband is just just starting to think he might actually have to have some involvement in parenting.

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 07/01/2017 17:28

Husband is just just starting to think he might actually have to have some involvement in parenting.

Yup. When baby comes DS is going to have to be soley your husbands night time responsibility. So he might as well get used to it.

Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 07/01/2017 21:30

Yes I know. Feel a tiny bit aggrieved that he gets to deal with it when it's relatively easy now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 08/01/2017 10:48

Ds stayed with mum last night. He woke at 4.55 and she put him.in bed with her, straight back to sleep. Stirred briefly at 6.45 then back to sleep til 8.

Operation 'own room' and later nap is underway. I know it's only Obe night but I think there must be something to the early nap enabling the early waking.

Mum is going to try and do the nap around lunch today and I'll collect him after.

OP posts:
WheresTheEvidence · 08/01/2017 10:59

It's tricky because ideally you'd do sleep training/sleeping in his own room before the baby arrives as otherwise it's a big change for him and also hard work for you.

How does he fall asleep - can he fall asleep on his own? Or does he need feeding to sleep/stroking/patting/cuddling etc.

TBH he is going to have to learn to fall asleep on his own because if youre in the middle of cluster feeding or the baby needs you; then you can't prioritise DC's whims whilst he decides to fall asleep.

How will you deal with him waking in the night when you're pacing the walls with a colicky baby?

Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 08/01/2017 11:14

Bedtime is very reliable now and has been for some time. He has a goid routine, bath two stories, milk, into cot awake, watches mobile til asleep. Takes between 10-25 minutes and I tend to sit outside as mobile goes off after 10 minutes, so I poke it back on again (he gets up otherwise)

I don't really class it as waking in the night, more early rising. He used to wake 2-3 am and would have a quick cuddle and back to sleep til 5/6. It's like he's stopped the night waking and just started getting up earlier.

But you are right, it will be a struggle to be up for the day at 4.30/5 when I've been up with the new baby.

OP posts:
NoraDora · 08/01/2017 11:18

What happens if you leave him if he wakes at 430? Would he drop back off? Not saying it will work but could be worth trying.

Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 08/01/2017 11:26

Well that's another thing, husbands contribution is to get up and get ds out of cot and put him in bed with us when he wakes. Often I haven't heard him, so I said this morning he has to start leaving him and see what happens. Often he just sits up but isn't crying etc.

OP posts:
WheresTheEvidence · 08/01/2017 11:27

I class anything before 6am as waking in the night.

What do you do at 4.30am when he wakes up?

I would stop using the mobile especially if you have to sit outside the door and re-enter when it needs doing again.

TBH i think he is waking up for the day for a few reasons 1) He is probably getting up early because he's over tired.. I know that sounds odd but if you're overtired you don't sleep as well 2) he doesn't know how to fall asleep by himself - he is using the mobile as a device but obviously that's not available when he stirs at 4am and then he doesn't know how to go back to sleep.

What does his daytime routine look like - I wonder if this also has a knock on effect for daytime naps - ie he is just constantly overtired and just cant settle

Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 08/01/2017 11:28

I'm really hoping the move to his own room won't fuck bedtime up. Is it likely to? Because I could just as easily go in there with the baby. Theres a single bed and I'm going to put the cot against the bed.

The plan was for husband to deal with ds in the second room and me stay in our room with the baby.

OP posts:
dancemom · 08/01/2017 12:29

Have you tried wake to sleep for the early rising?

Scrumptiouscrumpets · 08/01/2017 12:51

The plan was for husband to deal with ds in the second room and me stay in our room with the baby.

Sounds like a good idea. I'd leave all responsibility regarding your DS's sleep to your DH from today, changing sleeping arrangements once your baby is born is too late. I haven't read your other posts, but I have a toddler who was a godawful sleeper when DS2 was born. Your DH really needs to step up now and do EVERYTHING he can when he's at home. I would not have coped in the beginning without DP doing all toddler bedtimes and night wakings.

FATEdestiny · 08/01/2017 13:54

I agree. You are 36 weeks pregnant, you could give birth right now.

Now is likely to be the only time you'll get to have your sleep in the next year. It's your DHs turn now.

He should be taking full responsibility for DC1 now onwards. Like, today.

Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 08/01/2017 14:58

I'm not getting rid of the mobile. I've had lots and lots of sleep issues, and the mobile works really well for us. It works when he goes to my mums, she can get him to bed no problem in the same way as I do.

His sleep, including naps, have always been poor but atm he goes to sleep around 7 and sleeps til 4.30. This is pretty good imo, and a huge huge improvement, which I have worked hard for.

Clearly from my post I haven't cracked the naps yet!

I haven't tried wake to sleep - I commented on another post that Fates suggestion of the 10pm 'reset' milk and nappy change is something I had been considering, but given that he sleeps 7-4.30 the idea of it messing up scares me a bit!

Daytime routine depends. He was down to one nap, then was poorly so back to two. Now back to one again but I think it's often too early.

I am hoping that I can somehow move his nap later, bedtime a little bit later (7-8 rather than 6-7) and then waking later. Does this sound feasible do you think?

Re being over tired, well you'd think so but I don't think he is. He is always very happy and cheerful, and rarely gets grouchy. He's been like this since he was born, and whatever I have tried, has never slept as much as other babies.

I feel refreshed after a night and day off.

OP posts:
Randonneur · 08/01/2017 15:31

I used to dream feed ds whenever I went to bed - however he'd always been easy to plonk in the cot asleep and didn't tend to wake during the dream feed, so it was more of a no brainer than if he'd been a baby who struggled to transfer to a cot.

lorisparkle · 08/01/2017 15:46

DS1 was an appalling sleeper. The Health Visitor came to visit when he was about 8 months and waking every 1 -2 hours and took pity on me. She let me borrow a book called 'Teach your child to sleep' by The Millpond Clinic. It is fantastic and has step by step instructions on how to solve lots of sleep problems and gives you examples of routines and information about sleep in general. I found a solution which suited us and followed it (nearly) to the letter. It took quite a while to work through it but it did the trick and I then used it when I had problems with DS2 and DS3.

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture though so worth a go. You also have to think that there is no easy fix to sleep problems so persevere